HUBBY NOT HAPPY !!

[proudmum]

When my dh puts my ds down for a nap / sleep he screams bloody murder and refuses to settle no matter what dh does.  If I go and take over, ds calms almost immediately.  Dh is really upset by this and feels that he can't contribute and give me a break - and of course he takes it personally. 

I think that it's because ds is so used to me and we're in such a routine that any change to that and he's confused.  But how do we change it and get ds to realise that Daddy is just as good as Mummy? 

(dh does everyhting 'right' - pat/ssh, using key phrases, etc etc)

Any advice / suggestions / ideas to make my dh feel better??

[deb]

Dunno, but if you find out, let me know, because we have the same issues here! I'm the only one who can get Nat to sleep at naptime or bedtime most of the time at the moment, which is gonna be a problem as I teach music lessons 2 nights a week from home while DH looks after the girls and I can't teach while she's going to bed. She'll do better overtired from being up too long while I teach with her on my lap than she will going down for DH screaming bloody murder so loud I can hear it above the music and driving the older child around the bend....

I keep wanting to have DH and I do a nap routine together with Natalie, but there's this preschooler who keeps demanding attention..... :roll: That's what I would recommend, having him there a few times while you do the routine so DS is used to DH being there, and then letting DH do everything BUT the holding/putting down part, and then gradually letting him take over more and more as DS lets him (assuming DS does let him :?).

In the meantime, it IS natural for babies to lean more toward one parent or the other. My older child is more of a Daddy's girl (although lately you wouldn't know it, as she wants as much Mommy attention as the baby gets and then some :roll:), but Natalie will quiet the moment I hold my arms out to her; DH is really put out by this AND by older DD's behavior toward him these days, but someday soon she'll be ignoring me and flirting with him again. *sigh*

[proudmum]

Thanks Deb for a great response . I was thinking exactly that - dh and I are both going to pur ds down together- with dh holding him and me there saying and doing the things I normally do.  And then gradually ease myself out of it altogether. 

I'm happy that someone else has the same problem (not that I wish it upon you!!) and hopefully it will make dh feel a bit better too. 

It must me tough with a toddler too, it's hard enough for us with no one else to worry about!  We're going to try the joint put down over the weekend and I will let you know how we go.  Good luck to you too, hope it gets better.  As soon as your oldest is Daddy's girl again, you may have a bit more time for the lo!   :lol:

Jacqui

[CanadianMom]

My DH swears that our LO "doesn't like him".  This has greatly impoved since DD "hates me" and DS "f#$# hates me".   SO unfortunately not a lot of useful tips here.  This lasted until they were about 1 1/2 and now DD and DS are all about Daddy.  I am grateful for that now,k because it gives me more time with the LO. (I am totally a baby person).  I was amazed at the switch from mama's boy to daddy's boy with my son, and again with my daughter, I didn't think she would come around for him, but she has him totally wrapped around her finger now.
L

[proudmum]

Hee Hee!  :lol:  :lol:  Thanks for your post - I'm going to show my dh the messages this evening, hopefully it will make him feel better. (btw, LOVE the names of your lo's!)

  If anyone else is going through the same thing, PLEASE reply because the more responses I can show my dh the better he will feel! He went off to work pretty down this morning ...  :cry:

[lulah'smum]

Yep we had the same problem too. DD wouldn't let anyone put her down except me. She now lets DH put her down without ANY complaints but when it comes to my mum or MIL she screams!  :roll:

My advice would be to let DH put her down as often as possible. That's what we did. After... I think about 2 weeks but can't quite remember?... I suppose she just got used to the idea that Daddy also put her to bed, so she was happy to go down for him too.

Just take your time and get DS used to the idea, it won't take long  :wink:

[abbiesmummy]

Hi there! Since I started my 4 week old dd on EASY it seems that my husband cannot soothe her / put her to sleep as easily as he could before. My theory is that dd and I get into a rhythm during the day and she gets used to the way that I put her down with the shush /pat etc. Dh has tried using the same method but I don't think that Abbie reacts in the same way to him. Does this make sense to you? More often than not I have to take over because she is screaming her head off! Makes dh feel bad as before it was totally the other way around - I was the spare part - apart from feeding! I can totally sympthasise with the men because I know how bad it made me feel, it felt like I was the only person who couldn't calm her and send her to sleep.
Sorry if this is a bit rambling, hope you understand it!

[branwen]

Hi Everyone!

This happened for us too until I stopped intervening.  The thing is I think my dd knew after awhile that if she didn't go down I would come.  It actually caused a lot of set backs in the beginning.  The other thing we threw out the window was trying to get my dh to do it "how mama does it".  He hates the pick up/put down method.  So one time I told him (after reading something from The New Father- good book for dads) that he needs to trust his "daddy intuition" because dad's have it too only they think they don't- and because we're always there coaching (in our nature) it gets overshadowed.  Well, he did find his own ways!  After a few weeks of me NOT intervening (VERY HARD TO DO!!!) and him doing it on his own and in his own way my dd actually goes down sometimes better for him than for me.

[cymonguk]

I would recommend letting your dh finding his own ways too, this can actually be really useful as mentioned, sometimes Phoebe will go off with her Mum better, especially when she is in a good mood, and not overtired.

When she gets overtired my methods seem to work better.

You will find that some nights they prefer one of, other nights it will be the other. When you are having trouble getting them to sleep, handing them over to your partner to try something different can be a useful break too.