starting easy with 9 week old

[gingernutlover]

hi I am trying to start easy with dd she will be 10 weeks this friday and am tearing my hair out

our day is somthing,ike this

wake 7-7.30am and feed will only take 2.5-3 ounces
activity
nap at about 8.30 til 9.30
feed when she cries for it then dress and play till next nap
she takes along nap and then wakes up to eat etc
catnap before teatiome then bath bottle and bed

She settles well to bed in evenings and wakes once a night for a feed, I feed her at about 10pm either dream or awake depending on what she is doing

She went through a stage of sleeping right through but the last few days I have not been able to get her to drink enough during the day.

In the day She gets wound up by cuddles, singing, trocking, pat/shh when she is tired so I do quick cuddle and song when she first looks tired and then settle her in cot, she cries maybe for 15minutes (HV told me this was okay) and then goes to sleep. It is beginning to get much less than 15minutes, has been as little as 4 - so I am happy with this, but she is just so picky with her milk, never seems that hungry!

Caqn anyone who started easy at this point tell me how they did it and how long it took to get themn to go 3hours between feeds, somtimes she goes 2 hours other times 5! If I try to wake her she will not feed properly. Just not really sure what to do nexzt

[Deb_in_oz]

ok it sounds like you are on the right track - I hope i can help with a few things you mentioned


- with the feeding have you tried giving her a break/pause.  i started olivia on the bottle at 3 mo and she has always been a fussy feeder - the only solution to get enough calories in her was to give her a break in the feed - i woudl offer the bottle and she would take 2-4 oz, then she would get a 15 minute break to play on the floor, sing etc (not near the bottle - so she gets a real break to digest a little) then re-offer the bottle (most times, not always, she woudl take another 1-2 oz if not more...)


with the crying - BW/Tracy Hogg did not advocate leaving babies to cry on their own (acknowledging the difference with mantra cry and settlig crying which they can do alone vs. crying due to a need like hunger or overtiredness where we shoudl be with them/reassure them/meet their need) so as a moderator i will reinforce that position - i know the HV will say otherwise, but that is because in other child rearing philosophies there is an acceptance of allowing children to cry by themselves.... but EASY is babywhispering and that does not allow for CC/CIO.  Tracy believed strongly in the fact that this breaks the bonds of trust.

  ~ if she is not feeding well, she could be crying out of hunger in which case you might need to offer her a "top up" - this is why i am suggesting a 2nd offer of the bottle to try to increase the amount.  if she is crying when you put her down and it is not hunger it can be overtiredness or overstimulation so ensure she is getting to bed early enough and stay with her using shh/pat if necesary to calm her down rather than leaving her to cry herself out.

what is her temperment? if she is spirited she might need a shorter A time.  if she is touchy or spirited she might need even lower stimulation levels.

about sleeping through - as they begin to drop night feeds they can sleep through on occassion and then over time it will increase in frequency until they totally drop night feeds

[gingernutlover]

thankyou for the advice

With the crying to sleep thing, she is happy to settle herslef to sleep at night and with naps sometimes for example y7esterday she had a catnap on the late afternoon and did not cry at all just snoozed off by herself, so I think it is overtiredness and I need to be more wtchful for the cues.

Any kind of physical contact seems to overstimulate her and get her even more grouchy when she is overtired, this is the only reason I have let her cry it out - so I am unsure what to do other than get her to bed at the right time, I'm sure no one does it right every time.

I will try to give her a break in her feeds see if this helps.

I am staying sane by knowing she CAN sleep through the night, 3 nights in a row over the weekend, and I must keep reminding myself that she will not do it all at once.

I think she is a spirited baby although not sure as her temperement seems to change almost daily

[gingernutlover]

Just realised that this means she probably is a sporited/touchy baby. Very easily overstimulated.

[Deb_in_oz]

Any kind of physical contact seems to overstimulate her and get her even more grouchy when she is overtired, this is the only reason I have let her cry it out - so I am unsure what to do other than get her to bed at the right time, I'm sure no one does it right every time.

 :lol:  no - no one does it right every time! and i swear with spiriteds it is even harder as they are very hard to read and learn cues from (hence why you describe her as changing every day). i felt like i just could not figure out what the heck olivia needed but the first step to improving things was defnitely watching the clock to get her to bed before she was overtired - it pays off for you as then you have a baby who will happily doze off to sleep and get some rest rather than dealing with the overtired crying, etc

when you do miss the window, rather than leave her to cry you can try to stay near her - if contact is too much for her (ie if patting upsets her further) than see if shhing alone works - you have to do it louder than her crying in order to be effective.  also just quietly reasuring her can help (with my dd1 i used to pat her tummy gently and say "everything is allright, everything is ok" in a soothing voice, for her that was enough    but she was textbook/angel) the point is to find soemthing that will work for you and her that does not involve CIO even for 5 minutes.

also, for touchy spirited types white noise / sound machines and blackout curtains really help with that overstimulation problem - the white noise (or ocean waves in my dds case) blocks out distractions and gives a background focal point. the darkness is vital to helping them get good sleep.

I am staying sane by knowing she CAN sleep through the night, 3 nights in a row over the weekend, and I must keep reminding myself that she will not do it all at once.

that's a really good attitude.  olivia slept through from 10 1/2 weeks until she hit her growth spurt at 12 weeks  :roll:  and then we went back to inconsistent sleeping through until 4 months and never looked back - so evenif she does start doing it every night be prepared that it CAN change but they can also get back on track

[gingernutlover]

okay,

she woke up at 9.30 (nap for 45minutes and would not resettle) took 2.5 ounces then dressed her and changed her, tried bottle again she took 1/2 ounce, this is really strange as a week or so ago she was taking at least 4oz each time all in one go - what is going on?

[Deb_in_oz]

what time was her first feed? if it was 7/7:30 she woudl possibly not be hungry at 9:30.

also with re-offering make sure it is enough time in between and that she gets to do something fun and distracting for that time - leave her on the floor with a couple of toys or a cuddly stuffed toy to explore...but if she was not ready for the feed to begin with i would just wait longer  before even offering it- let her have some A time when waking, then offer food then more A time before sleep.

[gingernutlover]

she did feed at 7.30 - only took 2.5 oz but I did not re offer that time, she has now gone to sleep I think after a lot of fuss, so hoping she will recharge her batteries and take a decent amount when she wakes, have I misunderstood, when she wakes should I leave her in the cot until she cries for food?

[Deb_in_oz]

not a case of leaving her in the cot until she cries for food.
1. if she takes a short nap try to resettle her (i would spend a minimum of 20 min seeing if you can resettle, others woudl always spend 45 min or more - up to you, in the beginning i tried for up to a whole nap time 1hr 30, but that lessened as i got better at catching her)
2. if she is done sleeping, get her up
3. if not hungry yet just start A time - can play, go for a walk, whatver you normally woudl do
4.  when she is hungry / 3 hrs, etc offer the food
5.  if takes 2-3 oz, give her 15 min break to play again and then re-offer food
6.  as she is almost 10 weeks and spirited/touchy i would try to start getting her ready for bed after she has been up for 45 min - 1hr and see if that catches her before overtired

i know that seems like there is not much A time that is non-eating but as she gets older the A time will increase and for now unfortunately a spirited snack-feeder (exactly what Liv was at that age) spends 80% of their time either eating or getting ready to unwind  :roll:  if you want to try to aim for good naps

once i got the hang of avoiding overtiredness she quickly was able to stay up 1hr - 1hr 15 and still go down with no crying (and it built up steadily form there each month) - just settling fussing... the 45 min - 1hr max is so that you definitely catch her before overtired - better for her to be laying in her bed and eventually drift off to sleep, than for her to get to bed 15 min late and be crying from crankiness (the best advice my mom gave me when alex was born was this: i was doing BW and had put alex down at first yawn, but she was wide eyed in her bassinette and i was paranoid it was too early.  my mom said "is she crying? no - then leave her alone - she will go to sleep soon enough, let her relax into it"  and it is true - most times it was a few minutes but occassionally from 1st yawn to fall asleep alex was in bed happy but awake for 30 min a few times BUT not a single cry from her :lol: and it means more time for you to relax!