hi there kirsty, how are you doing?
I will see if i can give you any helpful hints. My ds had reflux when he was little, so I sorta know what you mean.
Have you tried giving an extra feed at midnight, or even maybe trying a v. late night df, say at maybe 1 or so. I say this as when ds had reflux we had to go back to 3oz feeds for him, this happened just as he began to go thru the night....grrr, never mind tho.
Have you tried maybe propping up the head of the crib matress, maybe if he is laying down, it could be aggrivating the reflux by him laying down.
BTW you are not a bad mommy, there are times when I leave Riley to cry, not too long tho, just enough for me to collect my thoughts and go at it in a fresh mind. I have found in parenting, there is no set way to do it, do what it right for you and your family, have a guideline, that way you know which direction to head in, but at least that way you have a direction, some people unfortunatly don't.
This is a passing thing as well, altho my boy didn't get over it until 6mths, but he did get over it.
I hope some of this helps you, even a little, let me know if you need anymore ideas.
Good luck hunny.