Hey girls, well the kids are in bed, presents are wrapped and under the tree - yippee, I'm actually really looking forward to Christmas this year more than last - they seem to get more exciting now that Nathan is older and he seems to "get it" this year.
Traci, love that little tush!
Richelle, thanks so much for sharing your story. How cool and lucky for your mum to end up with you and then conceive your brother as well. As far as parenting approachs (this is gonna get long), I think there is potential to make bad choices regardless of our upbringing - just different bad choices are made (of course I have also made a lot of positive choices too because of that controlling upbringing and actually don't feel a victim of it, it can make me sad, but I have the ability to work on these things and constantly self-improve). For me I also ended up VERY independent (to my detriment sometimes), and to the point of lacking in compassion and empathy and I can be quite selfish because I always had to look out for me because no-one else was there to listen and nurture me (and the controlling nature of my SD and lack of support from my mum made me rebel and move out of home at 18 and when I moved to a different city for 8yrs I had very little contact with them). This is why I find it hard to open up and let others offer help, let me vent (I'm doing great venting on this board huh? :lol: And honestly, it's a first, none of my real-life friends know half the stuff I've talked about here, not that it's a secret, I just don't know how to discuss it and believe that anyone would actually WANT to hear it). It's makes me quite sad to think that the child I was wasn't listened to and let grow up feeling loved. So for me I want to change that for my kids, it takes a bit of work, but I do naturally feel the love and empathy with my kids and Nathan is a VERY empathetic little fella which is so nice to see, empathy is a learnt skill, they can only learn it by having it modelled for them (ie, if he's hurt he knows that mummy is going to kiss it better, if he's sick he's going to get as much attention as he wants when he wants (in his bed not mine :wink: ), if he's scared and cautious, he's not going to be pushed into situations that make him uncomfortable - and he is turning out very independent too based on all of this. I remember having a friend who's mum was just SO NICE and always seemed caring and loving - I used to hang at their house quite a bit (this is around 10yrs old), she'd make us snacks after school (I went home to an empty home where I had to get my own - hmm, illegal?), she'd snuggle with us on the couch and watch TV (can't remember THAT happening), we'd dance and get silly. I keep her in my mind as my role-model with Nathan and Danielle - a shame to think that I can't put my own mum in that position. Don't get me wrong, my mum didn't abuse us or actually neglect us, but we never really CONNECTED. If my mum says she loves me, it feels very strange, if she calls me sweetie, ditto (because I only remember either of these being said a few times - so it's foreign to me). My mum never looked after me or seemed to care when I was ill, in fact SD took on that role to his benefit. So for my first 10yrs it was my mum and dad and I don't recall a specific discipline style (don't recall smacking or arguments though) yet my mum was pretty hands off on the emotional stuff. SD came on the scene when I was 10yrs old and from there on I recall the controlling nature of the discipline and general parenting from him.
So, where is this taking me...I guess parenting styles then get mixed up with our parents personalilites, our own personalities and it can lead to all sorts of outcomes.
Phew that was long. :wink:
Kate, that's so funny that Ryan licks the book! LOL
Andrea, how awful for your friend.
Oh, and how funny about poobrain, I was trying to figure out while I was reading it if you would say that.
Well, I'm outta here, I'm sure I'll be checking in tomorrow even though it's Christmas Day, we're opening up presents at our house with just the four of us in the morning and then over to my mums for lunch. Then having friends over for a bbq dinner.
