Hi
Ohh we had so many nap issues so I know exactly how you feel. Same thing - DS fine at night, but took some real consistency - no changing the routine - to get better naps. He now has one nap a day - but it is getting shroter as he gets older. At 14 months he took one two hour nap around 11 am til 1 pm and bed at 7. Mine is VERY spirited and stubbonr.
If your LO has 10 1/2 hours at night he still probably needs a good nap. However, I can say that my ds and lots of others I know started moving to one nap around this age. Could this be part of it do you think?
First, though, I guess you've had this nap thing going on for quite a while. Seperation anxiety is pretty keen around 10 months or so, so that might be also part of it? This is what helped us:
1. Sticking to a nap routine that never changes. It can take a good few weeks but it does work.
2. If you're want to stick with two naps then you're going to have to do this twice a day. If you want to move to one nap you'll perhaps have to gradually stretch him 10 or 15 mins per day on the first nap and finally (took us amonth) it becomes one nap. During the month we had earlier bedtime when no second nap happened ( 6 pm - it didn't affect wake time) or a short 20 min nap late afternoon and a 7 pm bedtime.
3. Decide how you want your ds to go to sleep. If he settles well at night then you might find it works fairly quickly. Decide where you want him to sleep, too.
4. Have you tried soothing him /pu/pd? Pretty tiring at this age but we found that soothing ds until he settled worked after a couple of weeks hard slog.
5. Show no anxiety, do the routine (of your choice - sotthing, sitting by him, pu/pd) and continue for 45 mins. If he isn't settled take out of room wiat a while and go for it again 30 mins later/whenever he looks tired again. Hard work but it does pay off.
6. Little by little the amount of soothing can be decreased - say over a couple of weeks - so we did stroking his head then sitting by him to gradually moving a chair away from the crib. At 14 months you might find it takes longer to withdraw comforting.
It sounds to me (from a humble mum's viewpoint) that your ds got anxious as is normal and this then made you change routines a lot. As such, he has unlearnt his napping behaviour. Golly - we've all been there! Once he learns that you are coming back, and he isn't missing anything, and that he can have a nice sleep he will settle down again. Go for an earlier bedtime if needed, too, so he isn't overtired on bad nap days. Take the feeding out of his nap routine; hard but it does work, honest as I am till feeding once a day at 22 months! The first few days will be tough but you can do it - enlist help if needed at a weekend.
You're likely to get crying (we got screaming) but it is not distress on his part if you stick by him and support him. Crying is so normal when the routine changes and they're worried that mom is doing something weird. You have to put faith in your boy that he is smart and has the inner resources to learn about a new napping routine. For your part, you have to stay utterly consistent to the letter. Remember, if ds is nursed to sleep at 45 or 30 mins into his nap that is what he needs to drift back off again.
I am sure others here have more and different pointers to help. Let us know how you get on.
Sue
