3.5 week old can't get to sleep - please help!

[Jasminemum]

Hello, please could you give me some advice, I'm getting depressed and feel like I can't cope. My LO is 3.5 weeks old, and the last week she has been getting worse and worse at getting to sleep. She used to be able to get herself off to sleep some of the time, but now she just cries in her cot. She might close her eyes for 5 mins but then you can hear her breathing get agitated, and then she starts crying again. Last night this went on for two hours, and in the end it was time for another feed and she fell asleep at the breast.
At night, I have started feeding her lying down, because she sometimes feeds for ages and I was exhausted doing this and then trying to get her to sleep. This way I can nap while feeding, and she falls asleep next to me. When I wake up and she's deep asleep I can move her to her cot. So she wakes up there.
I have tried a bit of shush / patting. Sometimes this calms her, but as often as not she starts crying while I'm doing it. It has not actually resulted in her finally going to sleep.
It seems like  the only way she falls asleep are: in bed with me, at the breast, or being carried because we need to go out. I'm so worried that I am going to create problems for later on, but then I am desperate to get her to sleep.
I'd welcome any advice as I feel that I am going to end up with post natal depression or not loving my baby any more.
Harriet

[Jane D]

Its perfectly normal to get depressed at this point as the lack of sleep really starts to affect you emotionally so dont think you are ever going to 'not love' your lo.

Firstly, I would suggest you don't feed her lying down, this isn't usually a good idea as babies can sometimes choke and although its hard you need to try and keep awake while she feeds.  It won't be long before she drops her night feeds so its not forever.

Also, have you tried to swaddle her?  This helps for most people as it comforsts the little ones and they can learn to put themselves to sleep in their crib in advance of them learning to control there limbs etc.

If you haven't tried it before then I would suggest you try swaddling her to see if that helps.

xx

[KellyC]

Hi

I really feel for you, those first few weeks are such a shock to the system and a bit of a blur in retrospect.

I agree with the swaddling.  My DS is now 3 months old and still can't sleep (and stay asleep during the night) without being swaddled as his flailing arms wake him.

I also used a dummy/paci for the first few weeks and found them excellent for teaching Zander good eating and sleeping habits.  He has now been without his dummy for a week and tonight has put himself to sleep all on his own with no dummy and no fussing or crying for the first time, it's an amazing feeling!  Maybe I'm just very lucky (he's a textbook baby) but the dummy taught him very good sleep habits and when we got rid of the dummy pat/shush worked in the same way until we are where we are this evening!  For my DS pat/shush didn't start really working until he was 10-12 weeks old but we still used it (with the dummy) to prevent us from jiggling/feeding etc. him to sleep.

We also introduced a bedtime routine very early on - feed, bath and bed and I'm sure this helped him to understand that it was bedtime.

Lots of luck to you and your LO.

Kelly x

[Mom2katiebug]

Wow!  I'm just a couple of weeks ahead of you but I do remember being in tears with a fussy, tired baby that just wouldn't sleep - even though that's what she needs to do!  It's easy to say, but believe that it does get better.  My LO sleep habits changed, like a switch, at about 5.5 weeks. 

This might be controversial, but I recommend that you not try to tackle the whole EASY thing all at once.  Pick where you want to focus and try to break that area into smaller steps.  Your LO may not be ready to be put in the crib and get herself to sleep.  When our DD was getting used to her crib, I would stand next to her crib with her in my arms and sway side to side until she was drowsy and then set her in and actually lean over the crib and have my chest on her chest and my face on the side of her head. 

I also HIGHLY recommend swaddling!  It has made a huge difference with our DD.  In fact, CharlotteJ posted a technique that actually keeps our little Houdini bundled up all night long. 

And, the paci has been really helpful for us.  I know it's controversial, but babies do have a need to suck.  We figure that eventually our LO can suck her hands, but until then we'll use the paci - but later the paci may actually be cleaner than her hands. 

A routine works well for our LO, and we recently introduced "White Noise".  We actually bought a recording of the ocean from iTunes and burned it to a CD over and over and over again so it will last 45 minutes now.  When we just played it once, she was still while it was playing (and we thought asleep), but would wake up and fuss within seconds of it ending.  Now we have enough to get her through the 20 minutes.

If you haven't started cluster feeding in the evenings, I would recommend this as well.  Give it a try for several days before you decide if it works for you, but we saw results the first night we tried it.  We don't dreamfeed, but that works for others as well.

Good luck and, if you can, try to catch some sleep once she finally does get down.  Also, you might try reading through the post entitled "6 week" that was started by cymonguk.  They were having some sleep difficulties with their LO, got loads of advice, and as you read through the threads, you can see how they progressed.

[cymonguk]

Oh boy, 3 weeks old seems such a long tome ago already, Phoebe is now 9 weeks old! We both thought we were going bonkers at that point I tell you. Dont worry too much yet about not loving lo, the fact you are here and even think it says you do.

When you seem to have multiple problems the best thing is try and break them down one by one.

Phoebe still isnt going down on her own, now i know this may seem devastating to you, but i promise things gradually get better. We decided to break the reliance on sleep to feed first, as this was the root of many problems (sleeping in our bed, falling asleep on mummy), now we have that cracked (its taken two weeks) we are moving on to moving her to her own bed.

My advice being in the exact same situation, is that you need to do what is also best for you, you need to get past the first six weeks, after which things get better (tired/hungry cries/cues become obvious) things i suggest if you are not already doing:

1) Every morning you get up feed baby, put her in her crib, on a mat, in a chair, in front of tv if necessary or where she likes to be, and have a quick five minute shower and get changed. This helps your day enormously and you feel human again! Babies can usually go 5-10 minutes, and you wont ne sat in pyjamas all day

2) Try getting your partner to shh pat her to sleep at night/weekends, read my updates for ideas, but now when i pick her up she automatically looks for a "cuddle" position to go to sleep in...

[Jasminemum]

Thank you for your replies! I'm trying swaddling to see if that helps, but she does seem to fight against it with her arms. As for a dummy, we tried that a couple of times after swearing that we wouldn't but she won't take it. I might try again later.
I just hope that it will get better, and I'm sure it will, but I feel hopeless sometimes - no doubt my hormones don't help.
Had a pretty bad night as she woke up soaking wet at 6am, only a couple of hours after the last feed, due to my partner putting on the nappy wrong! Then she was over tired and couldn't get back to sleep for ages...
Harriet

[B1PZNT49]

i am afraid to say, i have the same problem as you..my daughter is 7 weeks old and does not fall asleep on her own..never has..my son who is almost three never did either....(that is another story..ha)...with my daughter, she doesn't necessarily have to eat before sleep (it helps) but we rock her and pat her bum...then have to wait until she is into a pretty deep sleep (about 20 minutes) then lay her in crib...she has been in crib since 2 weeks.  I find if we don't wait long enough for her to fall into a deep sleep, she will awaken about 5 minutes later and we start doing the same thing over and over and she becomes very very overtired and very much more difficult to get to sleep...so for us, it works right now to rock her to sleep....

[Jasminemum]

I could use this method, but I'm keen not to get into habits that will be hard to break later on.
Had a good day today - went out to meet people for lunch. On the way there, she was just due a nap when I put her in the car, and the same on the way back. COnsequently she went straight to sleep both times, and never really cried when we were out. Everyone said 'ooh isn't she good', but of course it was an ideal day for her - no cot for ages!
Harriet