13 month old has always had problems

[grahamsmama]

I'm sitting here as my 13 month old dd is screaming her head off in her room.  I've been trying to get her to sleep for an hour and a half.  I wish I could say this is a new problem and it's just because she's teething or having separation anxiety, something that will go away.  But our sleep issues have been going on for her whole life. 
I feel like my whole evening, every evening is spent doing P.D. and listening to her scream.  On the days dh isn't here for bedtime, I also have to deal with my almost 3 year old ds. 

I do P.D. (she's too heavy now to do P.U.)  and tell her "night night sweet girl, I love you" (the same words I've used since she was itty bitty).  And eventually she'll roll over, hug her bear and go to sleep.  But it takes sometimes an hour or more! I've been doing this for a few months now.  Before that we had gotten into a not great habit of feeding to sleep because it was so easy! 

Sometimes, like tonight, I just can't take the crying any more and I have to take a break.  Sometimes she'll actually go to sleep a few minutes after I leave.  Actually as I'm sitting here I don't hear any crying.  Could I be overstimulating her?  But I hate leaving her to cry on her own. 
We have a good, relaxing, consistent bedtime routine that starts at least half an hour before bed (bath, stories, songs, cuddle).  I put her down at about 7-7:30.  I also have a fan running in her room to block out the noise of a house with a 3 year old.

I've tried getting her to bed earlier and later.  The later I do it, the more tired she is, the easier she goes down, but the worse she sleeps all night.

Another problem, she is up pretty much every 1.5-2 hours all night long.  She cries and cries, sometimes not really awake.  She'll go back to sleep if you give her a bottle or pacifier, but she does not stay asleep long. 
The longest stretch she's ever done is about 5 hours.  For 13 months!!!

Her naps aren't great, about an hour or two, one nap a day now, 1pm-2/3pm-ish.  When she was doing 2 naps, they were about 45 minutes.  I know if I could fix this it might help,but I've tried waking her up or giving her a pacifier a few minutes before she usually wakes and she still wakes up at the same time. 

So, I wonder if anyone has any suggestions for our 3 problems:
1.  Getting her to sleep at night
2.  Keeping her asleep at night
3.  Extending her nap to a consistent 2 + hours

Thanks!!!

[grahamsmama]

Oh, will the "fun" never stop!

About 40-45 minutes after she fell asleep, she was crying again.  Before I could get in there, ds was in her crib trying to give her a pacifier.  Scared the heck out of her and she starts screaming, terrified.  I know he was just trying to help, but this is so hard when dh isn't around!  I ended up in the crib with her, cuddling and trying to reassure her. 

Ok, I'm going to sleep.  Hopefully, I'll get a few hours in before one of them wakes up again.

[grahamsmama]

Yep, she was up at 11:30, 2ish, 4 ( I gave her a bottle and she quickly drank the whole thing so I guess that was what that was all about), and then briefly at 5:30, but she then went back to sleep until 7. 

Does this sound familar to anyone?
What did you do if you've been through this?
Thanks!

[Jaime]

hi, I'm going to pop you over to the toddler sleep board to see if you can get any better help there....

[Rachel Anne]

I have a few suggestions to make.  Firstly the fact that your dd fell asleep fairly quickly when you left the room makes me wonder if your presence is keeping her awake.  I would try the "rapid return" technique of standing outside her bedroom and keep popping back in every 5 - 10 seconds and see if that makes a difference.  I know that Chloe from the day she was born hated any kind of "intervention" from me to get her to sleep and so I just respected her need to scream herselfto sleep.  I'm not suggesting that you do that its just that it sounds familiar to me!

With the naps I think that once her nighttime sleep has sorted itself out she should be sleeping better in the day. 

With the bottles at night - Chloe had a nightime drink up until she was 2 1/4.  It was only ever once a night but the more I tried to get rid of it the more she wanted it  :? .  She gave up the nocturnal drink eventually on her own.

I hope I have given you food for thought and people always assume that because we are second time mums we should have all the answers but every child is unique and have their own problems.

Hope this helps!

[grahamsmama]

Thank you Rachel Anne!! 
This lo is so much harder than the 1st (I think , or maybe I've just forgotten how hard he was!  :lol: , anyway it's harder with 2).

So, let me double check that I understand what you mean by rapid return, ok?

I do her bedtime routine and then put her in her bed and leave.  She cries and stands up.  I wait 5-10 seconds and then go in put her back down and leave the room again?  Then she cries and stands up again and I wait 5-10 seconds outside her door and then go back in and put her down and leave again.  Repeating this until she's asleep?

[Rachel Anne]

Thats right you literally lie her back down in her bed and leave without saying anything at all or maybe just "night night".  You can leave in just a couple of seconds if that makes you feel better.   I have watched a programme on the telly with this technique.  Some parents sit on their own beds in their rooms and just keep returning to the los bedroom. The rapid return is like pd but with a few seconds leeway inbetween put downs.  Its not like you are letting her cry it out as you aren't leaving her long enough just long enough for her to get the message that its time for sleep and to lie down.

[shines]

Hi.  I just wanted to let you know there's someone out there going through a very similar situation as you right now.  My dd is 14 months, and she's had a "broken sleeper" most of her life - except for a couple months between 7 and 10, I think, where she was learning to sleep much better.  Apparently she forgot all that when she started crawling at 10 months.  If I remember anything that's helped (although, it just seems random whenever she has an improved night's sleep), I'll let you know.  I'm working on a couple ideas to try, will let you know if anything works.  I'm pooped myself right now.  It helped me to read your post, if only to know someone else is out there.  Really really similar kiddos, it sounds like.  Hang in there!

[grahamsmama]

I really think I have to work on holding back a little bit before rushing into her room.  When she's fussy, it's not the same thing as crying.  So I'm learning to tell when she really needs me vs. when she just has to talk a little  bit before she goes to sleep. 
What I did tonight was a bedtime routine, without her brother, in her darkened room.  I let her have a bottle until she seemed sleepy, which I haven't been doing and boy did it help calm her down.  Then I put her in her crib and stayed in there for a few minutes instead of just leaving.  I snuck out and she's in there talking away. 
Hopefully, this will work!!

[shines]

Well, dd was super tired by 6:30, so started the routine then (book on couch, bottle/boob in rocker in dark room with fan on).  She wasn't asleep until 7:40....It's weird.  She's so tired, drinks a full 7 ounces of bottle, comfort nurses, then babbles forever as though she was never tired in the first place....  Had her in her crib before 7, but had to keep laying her back down from standing.  Finally left her crying for about 10 minutes, then went in and got her to sleep.  I tried sneaking out, but she caught me and cried....

Anyway, last night was better overall - only woke at midnight to nurse, but then she was up for good at 4:30 am.  I tried for an hour and a half to get her back to sleep before giving up at 6, then she only took a 1-hr nap at 8:30 and 45-minute nap at 3:15...so I'm not sure what tonight brings.  I'm in for the long hall, though - as my husband and I are having a disagreement about how to handle the nights- so I gave up and said I'de be on duty for a full week (he usually takes 2 or 3 nights the night before I work).  Geez, I'm starting to ramble with my life story - so I better stop now and TRY to get my insomniac self to sleep.  Good luck tonight!

Shawn

[Rachel Anne]

Grahamsmama - Does big bro often come into the bedroom during dd's bedtime routine?  If he does (in my experience) it doesn't work!  I know with Chloe as soon as Dominic comes into the room they are ready to party.  Its so much easier to get Dominic engaged in an activity while I put Chloe to bed.  Glad to hear that it went well for you overall.

We have a similar routine here.  Bath, pjs, story, bottle then night night!

Shines - Keep being consistent with the routine.  Do you bath your dd before bed?  I find that that relaxes my dd.  Worth a try I guess.

Good luck folks!

[grahamsmama]

Well, she fell asleep in her crib on her own with her pacifier.  She fussed just a bit.  So, that was fantastic!
She was up at 11:30 just crying.  I gave her a pacifier, she went back to sleep.  She woke again at 1.  I figured she was thirsty or hungry since it was so soon after the last waking.   So, I gave her a bottle, but she only took a few ounces.  But then she slept soundly until 4! 
She went back to sleep at 4 with just a few pats and her pacifier.  Then was up for the day at 6:30.  All in all, not too bad!

I remember when ds would wake up so early each day, 5ish.  It was right when I was first pregnant with dd.  So around 14 months.  Boy that was miserable.  I just gave up at trying to get him back to sleep.  I'd turn on a video and nap on the couch while he watched it.  Eventually, he started sleeping later.

[shines]

Hi again.  Thanks for the advice, both of you.  I haven't tried bath time at night in a while.  Camryn's used to her morning bath/shower, which she gets just before her morning nap (assuming she takes a morning nap....).  I tried night time baths around 9/10 months, but it seemed to wind her up.  I should try again, though, since it's been a while.

She's actually gone to night time bed a little easier lately, and I'm attributing it to her being EXTRA tired, since she's either been cutting out 1 nap lately, or taking 2 short ones.  Night time wakings are still happening though, and so are the early risings.  On top of it all, she's got another cold.  Last night was a bit rough.  I gave in to another nursing (since I've been the only one on duty the past week, I've not let her have more than 1 nursing after she goes to bed for the night) - since she's sick.

I might have something more constructive to say tomorrow....I'm tired and think I have a cold myself.....

How are you doing, Grahamsmama?

Nighty night!
Shawn