Author Topic: 10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!  (Read 3863 times)

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Offline Raquel

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« on: December 05, 2005, 18:57:32 pm »
my 10 month old daughter is sometimes staying awake for hours at night in the middle of the night. at times, she refuses to go back to sleep unless she is nursed.

when she stands up, i lay her back down and try to reassure her with a hand on her back. i don't speak to her except to quietly tell her it's bedtime. she doesn't cry initially, she just keeps standing up. after about 2 hours she will start to cry and get hysterical. my husband will then come into her room and ask me to feed her as he thinks she is getting too upset. i give in and feed her and she goes to sleep. i have also tried feeding her immediately when i go into her room instead of doing the PD. sometimes, when i've done this, she will nurse and instead of going to sleep, will want to stay up.  :?

i am at a loss. she started teething at 7 months. she  now has her four front teeth. previous to this, she had been sleeping 9 to 11 hours straight at night. she is on the EASY routine and her daytime naps are good for the most part. she will usually take 2 daytime naps averaging about 1 1/2 hours each. she is also a good eater taking 3 solid meals per day, with snacks and breast milk in between.

right around the 7 month mark, she started experiencing separation anxiety, but i thought it was getting better. (except for this night waking thing.) despite our difficulities at night, ella is a happy and easygoing baby. i would describe her as textbook/angel.

please help me figure out where i've gone off track. i know ella can put herself back to sleep because there are times at night when i hear her and she eventually goes back to sleep on her own.  sometimes, though on those same nights, she wakes up and i'm up with her for hours. what gives? i'm also a little bit anxious because i go back to work fulltime in a couple of months.

any thoughts, ideas, suggestions would be so appreciated.

Offline Mariposa

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I'm with you!
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2005, 22:19:36 pm »
You perfectly described my Liliana, also 10 months.  I always considered her an angel baby because from 3 weeks old she started sleeping through the night on her own.  Then at 3 months life circumstances changed everything and her routines were thrown off and have never been the same.  I've tried everything!  Dream feeds, PU/pd, etc.

I've done pu/pd until I realized that when she was waking every hour of the night, all she wanted was for me to pick her up and she would go immediately back to sleep.  So now i'm working on simply pd, which is fine for naps, but nighttime she will fight it and yell for up to 1 1/2 hours.  I'm also at my wits end.  My husband wants to spank her when she yells like that for so long and I've never let him, but a few nights ago I couldn't take anymore and left the room to let her CIO.  So he went in and spanked her, raising his voice telling her no more that it's time to sleep and, she stopped.  I HATE the idea of spanking a child to get them to sleep, but nothing else has worked.  And since I won't do it, I spend many sleepless nights.

I know teething has been a factor, but literally for the last several months, she has woke at least 2 times every night.  What else could be going on that she doesn't sleep all night?

HELP!!!
God's Girl ~ Christy
Until I can figure out how to get the tickers working...
Nathaniel Augusto - 03/11/03
Liliana Sofia - 01/30/05

Offline Raquel

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sleepless baby
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2005, 03:34:06 am »
yikes! that must be very difficult for you, especially since it seems you and your husband have very different views on how to help liliana. hopefully, this forum will help you find a gentler way.

i plan to just continue laying ella back down and hope she eventually feels secure enough to go back to sleep on her own. i know she can do it. in the meantime, i may have to resign myself to some sleepless nights. good luck!

Offline Mariposa

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thanks
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2005, 03:46:13 am »
Thanks, yeah, it's a bummer, but hopefully someone else will read our messages and pass on some insight!  The good thing is that it's always a phase and a few months or a year from now, this will all seem so far in the past  :D  Good luck to you too!
God's Girl ~ Christy
Until I can figure out how to get the tickers working...
Nathaniel Augusto - 03/11/03
Liliana Sofia - 01/30/05

Offline kathyh

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Is it a 10 month old thing?
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2005, 21:56:18 pm »
How weird, the exact same thing has happened to my text book/angel previously 12 hour sleeper! At 10 months he started waking in the night and he is awake for 2 or 3 hour stretches, usually at around 1.00 a.m.. I try PD and ssh-pat and usually end up lying on the sofa in his room with a blanker over me so i can at least snooze whilst I hold his hand through the bar of the cot and he cries. It started just before 10 months but he is now 11 months and it is still going on.
He has been teething and has recently started at nursery 2 days a week so it could be either of those that has set it off. I am rather zombified at the moment!
Sorry that this message hasn't got any answers - just thought it may help a little bit to know that you weren't the only one! Hopefully its just a phase!! Good luck , Kathy

Offline Mariposa

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what's working for me
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2005, 01:20:39 am »
Hey Ladies,

Well, the last 2 nights have been a little better, Lili went to bed at 8 one night, which is really early for her, then woke (from noise) at 11ish.  I gave her a bottle  and put her back in bed alone and she drank it and went to sleep...and slept until 5:30 am!!!  Then took a bottle and went back to sleep until 8.

Then last night, I made sure to give her that extra bit of milk before she went to sleep around 9:45 and she slept until 4:30, when I gave her another small bottle and put her back in bed alone.  Again, she went back to sleep until 7:30.

It's crazy because with my first child, I NEVER put him to bed with a bottle (although he did fall asleep nursing occasionally), and swore I'd never do that with any of my kids, but I can't tell you how good it feels to get some sleep the past 2 nights.

I don't think that the problem was actually hunger, because I know she has been teething, but the bottle simply made it a little happier for her to go back to sleep alone in her crib.  She's not really interested in a binky, and has a blankie that she sleeps with, but those won't calom her fi she gets to that really upset point.  So the bottle just kept her from going there.  We'll see if it continues that way... :)

Anyway, just wanted to update you.  How are things going for you?
God's Girl ~ Christy
Until I can figure out how to get the tickers working...
Nathaniel Augusto - 03/11/03
Liliana Sofia - 01/30/05

Offline Katet

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2005, 01:44:15 am »
Can you post your day routines... they often have a huge impact on the night waking... also what is your bedtime routine?

Mariposa - I'm really sad that dh spanks a child let alone a baby. Babies don't know they are doing anything wrong, they don't have that level of understanding, they are just trying to communicate a need & at night it IS hard... but they should be allowed to be helped. Actually I am so anti spanking that I told my dh if he ever did, I would leave him, no discussion it would be worse than if he had an affair in my mind

I do think it is a phase & I may be able to help you both come up with some ideas to rectify it.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline Mariposa

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spanking
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2005, 04:44:18 am »
Katet - re: spanking... I agree that it's not right for bedtime or for babies.  He's only done it twice and he's gotten it from me afterward both times.  It's simply his lack of understanding of babies and their language.

BTW - Lili is on a great EASY routine, just stopped nursing, eats 3 meals a day.  Our problems started when at 3 months old, her grandparents came to visit...for 6 weeks!  It's too long to get into tonight.  Maybe I'll update tomorrow.

Chao
God's Girl ~ Christy
Until I can figure out how to get the tickers working...
Nathaniel Augusto - 03/11/03
Liliana Sofia - 01/30/05

Offline Katet

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2005, 08:47:50 am »
Christy, I have modified my post & yes I am a moderator of the Baby Whisperer Boards & that is exactly one reason why I am pointing out that Spanking is not a good thing...as it is a principle that Tracey Hogg firmly believed in & were she alive today, I think she would have responded in the same way (although I don't have the "gentleness" she has) as she would not want to see people put forward that spanking worked to get a baby to sleep.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline kathyh

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He slept last night!
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2005, 16:48:57 pm »
Strangely enough, I stayed up late reading the baby whisperer last night to make sure I was clued up for the usual wake-up call at 1.00 a.m. - but there was not a peep out of him (either that or I was so exhausted i slpet through it). Now i am just praying that the phase is over.
If he does wake tonight I am determined to follow Tracy's advice and stick to P.D for as long as it takes (I usually try it for about half an hour (laying him back down each time he stands up) which probably isn't long enough.
I really don;t think it is anything to do with his day-time routine as such, as it hasn't changed. As a textbook baby, he wakes at 7.30ish, has a good nap each morning and afternoon and has bath bottle and bed by 7.30pm. For the first 10 months of his life he generally slpet from 7.30 to 7.30 so you can imagine the shock when he started doing his 3 hours of crying and standing up each night.
The best thing about going onto this web-site last night has been giving myself to stand back from the situation and trying to work out what is happening. I think it is a combination of me accidental parenting him (lots of cuddle and letting him fall asleep on me when he was ill), and me going back to work 2 days a week (think he might just get anxious about this in the night ). Not that working this out necessarily helps solve it; but hopefully I can use a reassuring tone in my voice rather than an exasperated one if it happens tonight , and then brave a few hours of putting him down from standing. Here goes.. I will let you know , Kathy x

Offline Mum to Ella Rose

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2005, 18:32:13 pm »
Kathy I just wanted to let you know we went through this with our dd in regards to standing. It took us three solid weeks of p/d and though it was exhausting we have our great sleeper back. You are right...it is the consistency that is key. Good luck!

Mariposa the spanking scares me too... 10 month olds really don't  have the capacity to understand. They are just frustrated and have no other means of communicating it. I'm glad you gave your dh "what for"...

Keep us posted on how you do!

Sharon
~Sharon~  proud Mummy to

Ella Rose November 20, 2004
Alexander James March 19, 2008

Offline wilksterette

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2005, 01:49:56 am »
My daughter (9 months) is doing this same thing. I can't understand what is going on since she has been such an angel baby up to this point. It is unbearable!!! I lent The Baby Whisperer to some so I can't go back and reread. Thank goodness for this board. I forgot all about pu/pd, but if she wakes up again tonight (i'm sure she will) I will try it!! Thanks ladies.
Corrine
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Mom to Natalie 03/02/05
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Offline mommyjill

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2005, 12:50:31 pm »
I too wanted to respond to your post about your husband spanking your daughter. I read it yesterday and it kept me up all night thinking about it. I'm sure your husband means no harm, but as a mother you need to protect your daughter and really get it through to him that it's not OK to spank a baby! I'm not anti-spanking when it is used appropriately and at the right age - 10 months is far from appropriate! What is he going to do when she ruins his favorite CD or writes on the walls?! She's just awake at night which is what babies do and he's getting that upset and yelling at her! Sounds like he needs to learn to control his anger and learn to better respond to her. I have a feeling that's why she's not sleeping - she's confused, scared, and now lost trust since you've left her to CIO and yelled and hit her when she was just expressing herself in the only way she knows how.

I don't want to come across as condesending. I just had to express my thoughts and think this sounds more serious than you think. You said you got very upset with him and he heard about it after each time. Well why was there even a 2nd time then?

I know how hard sleep depravation can be. I am 23 weeks pregnant and I have an almost 11 month old that wakes 5-7 times a night and doesn't nap. I'm at the end of my rope and we started PUPD 5 nights ago. My hubby did it the first 3 nights and it's working! She has only waken up 3 times the last few nights and I haven't nursed or rocked her back to sleep. It's a lot of work, very tiring, but I know with consistency it will work. Be patient with your daughter (I know, it feels so hard when you're so tired) but if you do this right and regain her trust it will work. I think your husband needs to especially regain her trust too.......Good luck and God bless.

Jill
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Offline Mariposa

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Sorry Raquel
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2005, 01:08:40 am »
Well Ladies,

I was already feeling bad for Raquel who started this whole forum because it seems to have turned into a verbal lashing for me.  I replied to Raquel originally looking for some encouragement because I was very frustrated myself and vented.  I obviously should not have been so open.  If you think MY daughter being spanked 2 times in her little life keeps you up at night, try being me for a day and your concern will be dwarfed. 

I simply feel bad for Raquel because I don't know if she got what she wanted out of this forum, encouragement in her own situation, because everyone decided they need speak their minds and make me feel worse than I already do.  Thank you all, I will move on.

My sincerest apologies Raquel, I do wish you luck.
God's Girl ~ Christy
Until I can figure out how to get the tickers working...
Nathaniel Augusto - 03/11/03
Liliana Sofia - 01/30/05

Offline wilksterette

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10 mth old awake for hours in the middle of the night. help!
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2005, 01:14:43 am »
Don't worry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I give my daughter a little "pop" on the mouth when she bites my nipple. She knows what she's doing cause she will laugh when i say ow and do it again. She is only nine months old, but I think it is totally appropriate. I know that your husband is not abusing your child by any means. Situations just get stressful, I've been there to. I'm not saying that spanking babies is alright, but you have my support. I don't think it will harm your little one in the long run at all. They don't have any other ways to communicate, so it's hard to punish for that kind of thing. Everything will be alright though, don't worry. Hope that helps.
Corrine
Corrine
Wife to Gary 01/07/05
Mom to Natalie 03/02/05
Mom to "Taylor" EDD 11/04/07