How do I dis-associate sleep with nursing

[Carter's mommy]

I need some help, my little man of 3 1/2 months will not at any time fall asleep unless he is nursing. If I put him down asleep he wakes up immediatly. I do not want to let him cry it out for 2 reasons. The 1st being I think he is too young and the second being , it takes a really long time to calm him down, he will not even nurse when he gets that upset. It is extremely stressful.

 I feel like I am doing everything wrong! I do not even know where to begin. We co-sleep because he hates his crib and as of lately he was diagnosed with reflux after I had to call 911 because he had choked on spit up milk and was not breathing. It turns out he aspirated into his lungs and we were hospitalized for 3 days.

 Yesterday I tried to go Christmas shopping (what a fool I was) I made sure he was not hungry,even topped him up with 4 oz of formula..headed into the store and after 3 minutes he began to scream because he was tired.I picked him up,did all the things I would normally do at home but he just would not give it up. Put my things aside..told the clerk I would be back after I got him to sleep. After much crying and walking he fell asleep from pure exhauston. I snuck back into the store only for someone to startle him and we were back to square 1, crying again!!

 At this point I gave up, took him home, he screamed the entire way home. There is not many things more stressful than a screaming baby when you are trying to drive. Why can he just not fall asleep,because I know that was all that was wrong. I feel like I am under house arrest.
 Something has to change or I am going to lose my mind! I am looking to you ladies for some very needed advice....please? I do not want to give up breastfeeding.

   Thanks in advance

   Teri

[GraceKellysmom]

You have a couple options. There is absolutely no reason to wean!

First, you can try nursing him until he is sleepy but not asleep. Put him down in that drowsy place. Read Tracy's book, the section about pat/shh. Patting and sometimes shhing (along with swaddling and white noise for a sensitive baby like yours) are very good ways to help teach him to fall asleep on his own. Gradually put him down more and more awake. This method does not work overnight and there will be *a little * crying.

Second, and maybe with the first option, is have you tried a pacifier? It can take a lot of persistence to get them to take it. Help him suck his thumb if he is interested in sucking his fingers.

My first was a VERY sensitive touchy baby and the thing that worked great with us was a baby sling. She was close up to my body and liked the motion of my body movements. I just put her in it and went about my chores - dishes, laundry, general picking up. I watched her until she was nearly asleep (the closed eyes or nearly closed eyes) and tried to lay her down more and more awake each time.

[M&M's Ima]

What a terrifying experience! I would have gone into total panic if my kid stopped breathing! Did he choke when sleeping? Crying?
It is awful to not be able to go anywhere, and they have such short awake times. I have something like a sling, and I also find that he loves to sleep in it especially outside.

My ds is also used to nursing to sleep, adn I'm trying to ssh pat him in his crib. He isn't as sensitive as yours, and was used to other ways to fall asleep, but what has made it easier is that he has now started sucking his fingers. What I do often is nurse him and put him in calm but not asleep with my finger in his mouth. sometimes he takes it, sometimes not.
i didn't try hard enough with the pacifier, but if yours doesn't suck his fingers,  a pacifier , IMO, is so important. (although i oculdn't get either of my boys to take it, but again, i didn't know you could keep trying )

Good luck!

[Carter's mommy]

It was extremely terrifying, you think you know what to do in those situtions but nothing worked. Those were  the longest minutes in my life waiting for an ambulance. Thankfully he was beside me at the time, if he had been in another room I don't even care to imagine what may have occured.

 I have tried to give Carter a soother like a million times but he just looks at me like Ya right mom and propels it out of his mouth. He most definetly is a finger sucker and has been able to chase down his thumb a couple times so far.Who knows...maybe that will be the answer when he finally masters that. And then I will be on here in 2 years time for thumb sucking...lol...It is always something isn't it?

 At this moment in time I am willing to try just about anything..I love my children with my whole heart and being, but I am getting burnt out!

   Teri

 dd 12/18/91 teenager  high maintenance
dd 03/26/93 pre-teen   hormonal
 dd 02/05/01  diabetic
  ds  08/26/05  extremely sensetive

[GraceKellysmom]

You remind me of my SIL, her oldest is 18 with a child of her own, and her youngest is 6 months old. I've nominated her for sainthood a couple times already.  :wink:

My dd wouldn't take a paci or suck her thumb. At 10 months she finally took the paci. At 2 yrs old we took it away and she started sucking her thumb.  :lol:  Still going - and the dentist says her teeth are fine.

[alison reed]

Hi teri

My daughter was exackly the same and now at 13 months she is still breastfeed and I can put her in her cot with a soother and she has just starting taking to a pj's case which has a purple velvet body and 4 furry paws but the head is hard, but she loves cuddling this will she is nursing for her bedtime and with that and the soother she goes in awake but very sleepy and relaxed. Do you have a bedtime routine? This also helps them to learn how to go to sleep independently. I started learning her to go to sleep independently at 4 months and she has only just learnt how to do it but some nights mainly when she is teething or poorly she will cry for a will. The other thing that you could try is breastfeed him and then when he has finished his feed take him off and cuddle him on the breast away from the nipple so that  he can still smell the milk put he is reasured that everything is ok because he can feel your skin. Or the other thing that you could try is to get his dad to put him to bad and assist him in going to sleep as he will associate you with food even at such a young age.

I hope this is help full and their is some more ideas on what you can do. I am just trying to get my daughter off the breast because of her age and because she is nipping me with her teething and it is beginning to become very painful.

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Hi Teri - I really feel for you!!  That must have been awful and I know how hard it also is to try and drive (or do anything) with a screaming baby.  I agree with the suggestions you've already been given.  Babies need to suck and some babies more than others.  If he won't take a paci - work on the thumb.  As for the nursing to sleep, my dd did that for ages, and we gradually were able to get her off it.  As she was nursing to sleep, I'd use my finger to break the latch before she was asleep. I'd rock her, pat, shh - whatever, to try and get her to sleep. If she'd cry or start to fuss at all, I'd re-latch her, wait a few moment, and try again.  She'd eventually let me take her off and finish falling to sleep another way.  Then I was able to gradually start putting her down more and more awake.  Took a long time (months), but it did get better, and now she goes to sleep from awake most of the time.

I, like Stacy, also wore my baby around almost all the time. We went shopping and I'd have her in the Baby Bjorn - until maybe a month ago and she's 14 months!  She'd cry in the stroller.  At 4 months, I still faced her in most of the time so she'd have her face to my chest and slept better that way when out. I tried to time outings for as soon as she woke up, or when I knew it was ok if she had a short nap.

Keep us posted, and let us know if we can help you more!  Hugs!!

[Carter's mommy]

Everybodies suggestions have been wonderful...thank you so much! I still try the pacifier on a every second day basis , still with not much luck. When Carter was 2 months or so i bought a baby bjorn for a huge dollar price. I tried for days to get him to like it , but he just got mad every time I put him in it.  I ended up taking it back because of the cost. Now I am thinking what you said about using it when shopping may work now that he is strong enough to face forward? I may have to reinvest, possibly in a little bit of a cheaper model!

  I suppose something will work eventually. I am going to try to up load a pic of my little man so everyone can see him.

 I will keep you posted as to our progress!!!!

   Teri and Carter