feeling housebound due to naps..how can u go out???

[kirsty_167]

i have had several hard weeks lately and after a difficult start with my 4 month old i have become totally housebound.We spent the first 8 weeks battling reflux and pretty much stayed home from 7weeks of age to train him to sleep after he was put on meds.The problem now is if we want to go out it seems to have to fall in the short gaps between feeds and naptime.
Jakob doesnt nap long in the car (20mins max) before he wakes and if we arent home for his naptime he wont just go down when we get home.This means he becomes overtired.This has made me become like a recluse stuck at home day in day out,bar dropping and picking up my older child from school.

What do other mums do? I know with my older daughter we went out lots and she just slept wherever and whenever.Jakob however doesnt and all babies are different so i dont have a problem with that,just the feeling i cant go out makes life more like "groundhog day" than life.

Can anyone give me advice on what to do? I havent even been able to do much xmas shopping and even basic outings seem rushed to fit jakobs naptimes.Should i be staying home at this age for his naps or do i fit him into daily life and try to teach him to nap when we get home???

I seem to post something new every month....the 10yr age gap between my kids make me feel like a new mommy all over again...and a sruggling one at that.sorry for yet another post for help........id appreciate any feedback and stories on what other mums do......

thank you..
kirsty (again)

[KellyC]

Hi Kirsty

I feel exactly the same.  I've been sleep training Zander to go down for his naps independently and also trying to extend them which means I'm busy with him for almost his entire nap time.  He won't go to sleep with a cuddle or wherever he is when he gets tired but has to be at home in his crib - I know this is what I've been teaching him to do but it's very limiting.  I'm hoping he soon learns to transfer his sleeping skills to his car seat / pushchair etc. so I can get a life again!  He does sleep in his baby carrier so sometimes I forget about the sleep training and take him out in that, it's good exercise for me too!

Sorry I can't help but at least you know you're not alone!

Kelly x

[FreddieEden]

Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel.  We have been struggling with short naps leading to short awake times and, as my DS Daniel (who is 3.5 months) will not really sleep anywhere other than his cot then I have been feeling a bit housebound.  For some things like postnatal groups I either decided not to go or to accept I would have to deal with an overtired baby if I felt I really needed the support.  We have to remember that we have needs as well as our babies and sometimes they might have to do without some sleep so we can stay sane.  The other thing I have been doing is just making sure that I do leave the house even if it's for a short time in Daniel's awake times.  So we might go to buy a magazine with him in the sling facing outwards so he can have a good look around or do a quick tour round the park in the buggy.  I find he tends to go down better for naps after having got a bit of fresh air in that way.  I'm also very lucky in that my DH teaches at a university so he works from home when he is not teaching (and term has just finished  ).  So, he has been really good about letting me leave Daniel with him after a feed so that I can go out and get some time to myself.  If there is someone who could give you even half an hour's break to do some shopping or get out of the house without the baby, it makes a real difference.

It sounds like you are doing a really good job in teaching Jakob to sleep and should be really proud.  The other thing that I think of is how quickly the time has gone already and that before we know it then we'll be dealing with toddler tantrums, rather than baby naps.  Already, the first few weeks (when I felt like I wanted to sell my baby on ebay!) seem like a really distant memory.

Freddie

[Gage and Sophie's Mom]

You are not alone. I am in the same boat. I dont leave the house all week for the same reasons. I have become obsessed with this site, and have been lucky to have an found an email buddy for support. What about visitors? Do you know any other stay at home moms or friends that can come to visit or talk to on the phone?

Also, I think the most important thing is to get out of the house as soon as you have a chance. For example, when my husband comes home from work on the weekends he makes me go out or we will all go out together and accept that Gage may have a harder time sleeping. We try not to do this that often though. When I start to feel bad about that I rememeber that it is good for Gage to get out too. Just know that this too shall pass.

PS I have done most of my shopping over the internet. ABC distribution and Old Navy are great places to shop

[mrs_kat]

My Kenzie is a few days shy of 4 months and we're going through a similar thing.  I sometimes wonder if our insistence upon her learning to sleep in her crib - along with a swaddle dependency - led to her being unable to sleep more than 20 minutes anywhere else.  Before she was born, I had this idea that I'd walk off all my pregnancy pounds as she napped peacefully in the stroller...

Today I had a bunch of errands to run and I divided them up over her awake times.  I managed to get them done, but I feel bad that all her activity time was spent in her car seat.  Poor little thing had to go right to bed when we got home each time.

As a couple of you said, sometimes I just deal with the short naps for the sake of getting us out of the house.  She generally handles it well when we're out and about, although if it's too stimulating (why did I think a college basketball game would be a good idea?), I'll pay for it later when she has to blow off lots of steam before she can fall asleep!

I get extremely jealous of friends whose babies can take a regular nap in their strollers, or whose babies fall asleep in the car and can stay asleep for a long time as they're brought into the house or restuarant or wherever.  But without fail, those moms have their own struggles to deal with that aren't issues with Kenzie and me.  Motherhood isn't easy for anyone, and I have so many things to be thankful for.  Hang in there, ladies, and let me know if you have any successes with Christmas shopping!

[kirsty_167]

wow...thanks so much everyone for your replies.i felt alone as all my friends tend to be able to go anywhere and have their babies sleep!! Now i know its not something i have done "wrong" that has created this,simply the fact he prefers his cot.Yes i believe he will adapt over time.With xmas coming up he will have to sleep out as we are out for the entire day at relatives.He is getting better at going to sleep when just left to fall asleep alone.I have found if he isnt hysterical he doesnt actaully like me going in and doing the pat/shush.Now i leave him more to work it himself.Thankfully after 2 rough weeks he has had 2 good nap days.Now for going out....i am going to try taking him out at least once a week and trying to get him used to it......time will tell......

thanks again and im grateful people have taken the time to share their stories with a mom who is feeling a little stuck......thanks:)

[LeslieG]

I too feel stuck at home and now that I have introduced solid food, it is even more difficult because each meal means solids now.  My DD will sleep in the car usually for a max of an hour so that is nice when we need to go to my parent's house but she isn't a "sleep anywhere" kind of baby.  I also really enjoy my sleep at night and know that this is partly the sacrifice I make. Don't get me wrong we do get out but often I prefer to stay at home to avoid the hassle. I have some friends who are on leave right now and we talk on the phone or visit sometimes and I recently found a mom online who lives around the corner from me. In the new year we are going to try and meet for coffee.

Hang in there!  I think this is something we all battle.

Leslie

[Luke-n-Me]

I feel the same way too sometimes, but it was much worse with dc#1 because I didn't expect to have to be home all the time.  Now, with dc#2, I knew that if I was going to sleep train, I'd be home a lot.  The good thing is, they don't take 2 naps forever.  By 15 mos (and for some a little younger/some a little older), your lo's will be down to 1 nap/day then you will have your mornings to go out and about.  I must admit that before dd came along, ds and I were running around every morning and I kind of miss that, but we won't be housebound forever and you'll be glad in the end that you stayed home and have a great sleeper.  When I hear some of my friends at work talk about the sleep issues they have with their lo's due to bad habits and inconsistent naps, I feel very fortunate to have children who sleep well and who are happy kiddos.  It's a sacrifice, but it's worth it!!!!

[Clueless10]

I have a DS who will be 6 months old in two weeks.  My DH works from 6.30am to 2.30/3.00pm 5 days a week.  But comes home for lunch between 12.00noon and 12.30ish for a 1/2 an hour break.   My problem is this:
7.00am wake up for DS
9.00am sleep
11.00am wake up and BF
Then can't go anywhere because DH will be home soon for lunch.
12.30/1.00pm Sleep
2.30pm Dad Home.
2.30pm wake up and BF
3.00pm organising tea having chat with DH.
So then I feel that I shouldn't really go out as my DH is home and is nice to spent time with him.
Also seem to get visitors around the 11.00am time as they know DS will be awake and/or most likely being fed.
The only time I get out is quickly on Monday mornings to go grocery shopping!

[kirsty_167]

can anyone else help me here...i dont feel alone now as i see others have similar issues in regards to going out.I just feel so down i am so hosuebound.I know it doesnt last forever but right now at such a busy time of year im missing out on going places and getting things done.At this rate i wont be ready for xmas as im doing what i can in the small gaps of time i have.Yes i can go out when my parnter comes home but this is our precious time together too...so no win situation really.I just want to be able to go out with my baby and work out how to get him  to sleep when we get home.......please any tips?? :?

thanks
kirsty

[KellyC]

Hi again Kirsty

I completely understand how you're feeling although I've decided to make some compromises in Zander's routine to allow me to get out sometimes as I was really losing the plot.  He's now going down for his naps fairly easily but still wakes up after 45 minutes.  I'm trying to extend his naps by 'disturbing' him at 35 minutes but if this doesn't work I get him up and take him out either in his baby sling (which I've discovered he'll sleep in fairly easily) or his pram which, again, he's getting used to sleeping in.  I don't usually go anywhere like the shops but just going for a walk helps us both.  He's at home in his own bed for all his other naps (however long they last!) so he's still learning how to nap properly at those times.  Have you tried getting your Christmas shopping online?  I've done most of it like that this year and it's been much less stressful - sleepless baby or not!

Kelly x

[newmumto1]

i too have this problem. ben had an extremely rough and difficult start in life (constant crying) he was diagnosed with refulx. he is now an excellent happy wonderful baby boy napping and sleeping fantasically. we spent a week and a half really workng on sleep and nap times and it paid off. i have nothing to complain about. on the other hand i feel i can't leave the house. ben only sleeps in his cot and i too have to leave the house only in ben activity time. will they ever grow out of this phase. ben is only 3 1/2 months old i know he is young but as was said earlier you see so many babies sleeping soundly when out in their strollers and seem to sleep so peacefully. the only solution i have found is going to my mother's house for the day. ben seems to sleep fine in her bedroom on his own in the bed but its either housebound here or in her house and i have not left ben with anyone else only his dad cause trying to explain bw technique to my family is like talking to the wall. anyway i know i am ranting and should be delighted that ben is is otherwise good but it was just that i went to meet my sister for coffee today and she has not seen ben for about 2 weeks as i was training him. i was explaining how good he was at sleeping all on his own with no bother. he was due a nap within the next half hour and went to sleep in his buggie without a sound. he slept for 40 minutes only and woke again and would not go back to sleep he normally takes 1 1/2 hours and seems to need every minute of it. anyway of course he was cranky until next sleep when i got him back to bed. i wonder if i placed ben in his buggie during the day at home for naps and worked on getting him to stay asleep when he woke would it work? has anyone else tried putting baby down for nap in buggie at home? any help would be brillant.

[mommyof2boys]

Ladies,

I know it's tough, but just think--you'll be out and about again in the blink of an eye, really.  I too am housebound with a 4mo and a toddler, and we pass the time by trying to think of fun things to do here--garden, put together a great soup, shop on-line, etc.  Decorate your homes to get yourself in the Christmas spirit--have DH buy some ribbon and garland, and go to work!

Also, I really suggest listening to some uplifting music and burning wonderful smelling candles around the house.  It makes a difference mentally!  Don't forget a nice bath with bubbles, and fabulous books--again, bought on-line. 

These practical things have gotten me through this once before, and now again.  Hope they help...

[LeslieG]

I have been using "music therapy" for the last couple of days and it has helped me. I decided since I am home, why not pull out all the music I love and sing and dance with my LO.  Sounds a bit crazy but she really likes it and it has made me happier too.

If I need to just get out of the house. I usually try to make sure that one nap will be at home but I also feel that if she isn't on her routine for one day, she will get over it.  In fact, tomorrow we are going to Toronto and she won't have any naps at home. We will pack her up when it is time for her first nap. Arrive to feed her lunch and then likely leave in time for her second nap. 

She may or may not sleep in the car, she may or may not sleep through the night. That is just the way it is. 

I am sorry that you are feeling so down.  I hope you can find some solutions that work for you.

[alex and danny]

Here's what my son Jacob (Nice name?!) and I did:  I go out usually after his first nap.  He wakes up, bf and by the time we get dressed and in the car its almost time for his next nap... so I plan my outings so that he begins to get tired in the car as I'm driving.  I use a pacifier when he begins to get cranky.  When I take him out of the car, he usually wakes up... but if I block his view and rock the carriage a little, after 20 minutes he will sometimes go back to sleep.  If not, oh well!  Life isn't perfect...  tried to go out only twice a week, and not in a row!

[KellyC]

Hi guys

Stacy - let us know how you get on with your sling, it may work!  Zander actually falls asleep fairly easily in his sling which is outward facing (strange as there's so much to see!) so I use that when we're out and also his pram - if he won't sleep in his pram I take him out and put him in the sling and use the pram for my shopping!!

I actually managed to get out the house this morning and went to a toddler play centre with my mum, sister and nephew.  I was dreading it as knew it would be VERY noisy, and it was!  Zander had a nap of 1hr 10mins this morning and we went straight up mum's where he had his feed.  He then slept for about 10 minutes in the car and stayed awake the whole time we were there - he got grizzly and I was trying to calm him but mum said shall I take him for a walk and jiggle him for a bit (I didn't say anything but obviously was thinking 'no, we don't jiggle him!').  Anyway, he calmed down - he didn't sleep but he wasn't crying and he was even smiling.  I knew he was very tired still but he slept for 20 minutes in the car on the way home and then stayed up until about half an hour after his next feed.  He was a little more difficult to get down for his next nap but not too bad and he's been there for just over 50 minutes now (I went in and turned him slightly at 35 minutes and his eyes pinged open but he went straight back to sleep) so fingers crossed!  I think if I'm going to go out some days this is how I'll do it - let him have his first nap at home, then go out and know he'll only nap a little, then be back for his third nap which may be a little more of a struggle as a result.  We have to compromise sometimes so we're all happy!

Kelly x

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hello, you've had some great advice already, so I won't go into chapter & verse, but I just wanted to say that you sound like you are doing a great job. Getting him to nap well at home is a great start.

But, there is no point sacrificing yourself, and your happiness, for perfect naps every day. It's been said before, but what your baby needs is a happy Mum, not a miserable one, so do what you gotta do! If you feel like you need to get out of the house, you really should go. Is there a nap that is more needed than another? I know my lo would be HIDEOUS without his morning nap, so I always stay in for that, but then I can go out afterwards, and, if he gets cranky, so be it. As long as you don't do this every day, it shouldn't mess up your routine too much, and it's worth it for your sanity. The great thing about following BW methods is that, if lo does get a bit cranky and tired, he knows you are there for him, you won't leave him to be upset, and we have the tools in our kit to be able to deal with it, so it's much less stressful for lo than it could be.

BTW, as long as you have your naptime routine pretty much established, I liked the idea of getting him to practice sleeping in the pram at home. Has anyone tried this? I might try it myself b/c I have similar issues, although I must stress, it does get easier as they get older.

[kirsty_167]

Wow..thanka so much to all of you for those inspiring responses.I really appreciate the help and giudance.As it is Jakob has now thrown all his nap routines out the window and i dont know why.he is doing the whole waking after 45 mins from his morning nap....nothing gets him back to sleep.So today i decided well so be it and after a big effort of trying to get him back to sleep,i got him up and went from there.We went out for 30 mins to pass time to his next feed.The only issue here is he thenwent to bed at 11.15am instead of 12pm....but i think if i stress less about the time he goes down then he will be ok.Maybe soemdays he only needs 45 mins in the first nap as he has slept all night.The last few days have made me stay home more becuase he has not slept well in the day.However im not going to panic about going out now.If he sleeps he sleeps and if doesnt well we will deal with it.Its hard and stressful but im sure we will get there eventually.

Thanks again to all of you and i welcome anymore feedback........
kirsty