Nightsleep nightmare

[max]

Hello, my son is 16 months old. He is very sweet and active but it seems we have a sleep issue. During the day, he sleeps around 3 p.m. for an hour, sometimes longer. Then, in the evening, nightmare starts...
We have a set routine for evenings:
7 p.m. bath (by my dh).
Afterwards my ds starts yawning, my dh or I read books, rarely winding-down plays. After quite a long time, my ds starts to be bored, says "bye-bye" and tries to leave bed. He becomes pretty energetic and wants to play.
If we want to keep him in bed, he starts to be angry and cries. When we try to leave  ds with my dh at this stage, he starts crying even louder, jumping on the bed etc. If I return, he usually becomes excited and wants
to play. Alternatively, after crying loud, he accepts bf and fall asleep.
So after all, he sleeps at 10 p.m. or even later.
It is impossible to leave him alone in bed, the only way to put him to sleep is that I have to be together with him in my bed. Then after a long struggle (and he is very exhausted at that stage) he accepts bf.

Maybe somebody can help me?

[Jaime]

could be that his nap is too late in the day, and so there isn't enough time for him to get tired after the nap ends & bedtime should start.

what does his day look like otherwise?

[max]

Thank you for your reply.

could be that his nap is too late in the day, and so there isn't enough time for him to get tired after the nap ends & bedtime should start.

It might be so, but my problem isn't that my ds falls asleep late, only that:
1. he can't fall asleep without me (usualy bf),
2. almost always he gets very tired & starts to cry; sometimes he cries quite a long time (even when I'm with him, we don't use CIO).

About typical day:

He wakes around 9 a.m. (but sometimes around 7 a.m., or even at 10 a.m.). Afterwards, he is very active, mostly running, playing outdoors and being very energetic.
There are no set times of eating - there were, but some month ago he has started to eat less willfully. Feeding sometimes starts to look like a struggle, so I just try many times, with diffrent meals during the day, to see whether he agrees to eat something (that may be due to teething).
His daily nap - that isn't that regular, either. Usually it's around 3 p.m., but can happen from 1 p.m to 4 p.m. It is that he is hard to put to sleep (but not as hard as in the evening) - sometimes he is very exhausted and still refuses to go to sleep, so I try again later.
After nap we go for a walk, meet with other children etc. He starts yawning about 7 p.m.; otherwise, he doesn't look very tired then. But before he fall asleep - at 10 p.m. he is very tired, but still wants to play, jamps headfirst from the bed etc.; if we forbid him to leave bed, he cries.  It is very exhausting for him and for us.

[Jaime]

whew!  i'm exhausted just reading that!   

if you have access to the Toddler Whisperer book (check your local library or bookstore), i'd recommend the chapter on Time Busters, specifically the first part of that chapter (in my book it's p. 243-253). 

keep in mind that in order to change his habits, you need to be willing to design a plan for yourself and then stick to it.  You must be consistent & persistant enough to see it through.  yes, your child will yell & scream - you are trying to change things, and he wants to be in charge.  when he (eventually) learns that you are teaching him a new thing, life will start to settle down.  it will take time, but you can change his behavior.  anyhow, here's some ideas for you:

*personally*, i never let my dd sleep past 8am unless she was sick - that way i knew i could still get in a nap at normal times and get her down for bed at 8pm. 

i think you also have a couple of issues that you would need to work through if you want him to go down on his own.  first of all, you need to break the feeding to sleep association.  i am NOT telling you that you need to stop nursing (that's a very personal decision for you), but he needs to learn that he doesn't need to bf to go to sleep.

secondly, i think you would all greatly benefit from a basic structured routine before sleep times.  something along the lines of a book, snuggle, kiss, and a good-night.  you know what sort of things would work best. 

HTH