Opinions wanted on going into baby when waking

[RyansMum]

My lo sometimes wakes once or twice after bedtime and will not calm himself down.  I have to go in and give him the dummy and stroke his cheek then hold his arms to stop him from pulling out the dummy.  I think I have made lo need me to fall asleep as I do not let him fuss for very long especially during the night.  Sometimes he will go through but last night he woke at 4.30 and I went in twice up to 5.30 trying to get him to sleep.  In the end I brought him into our bed where he fussed for a little while then went off to sleep.  Most times if he wakes near to 6 I bring him into our bed as I know I will get more sleep till 7 then if I try to soothe him off in the cot.  Do you ladies think I am making him too dependent on me for sleeping?  I usually leave the room as his eyes close and his hands relax.  It is rare I can leave the room while his eyes are still open!  Thanks for the opinions!

[RyansMum]

No replies?  OK heres how last night went.

He woke up just over half hour after DH gave him his nightly feed.  This was because he fell asleep while feeding so I wasn't surprised at this.  I got him off to sleep in 5 minutes but he woke again half hour later!  Again I tried to leave him but oh no!!  It did only take another 5 minutes to get him back off to sleep and he was fine for the rest of the evening. Gave him his df around 11.30 and he didn't wake up till 4am.  I left him as he was just fussing and not crying hard but after 15 minutes I went in and again he was very quick to go back to sleep with the dummy and me stroking his cheeks.  I stayed awake a little longer to make sure he was fast asleep and then I actually had to wake him up at 7.30 for his morning feed!

He didn't feel as dependant on me last night but some opinions would still be useful!

Thanks

[Jaime]

i think my answer is maybe.

it depends on the kind of crying it is.  if it's an actual "get in here i need you" cry, you're doing the right thing by soothing him.  but if he's just kinda whining, he could just be transitioning sleep cycles, and by going in there you wake him fully.

dunno... at night i only ever go in there if they're really crying.

my 2 cents anyhow  :wink: 

[KellyC]

Hi

If he's waking only half an hour after going to sleep perhaps he's having trouble going through the initial sleep cycles - have you tried staying with him putting some pressure on him until he gets past the 20 minute jolt and into a deep sleep?  Could it be his dummy falling out waking him up?  I read in the BW book that at a certain age their lips go slack when they go to sleep so their dummy falls out - for some this isn't a problem but others wake up and want it back?

Kelly x

[RyansMum]

Hi, last night he was fine slept through till 2.30am.  He was just fussing plus has a cold so went in a couple of times to soothe but basically left him to fall asleep on his own which he did by 3.30am.  I then went in at 8am to wake him for morning feed.  Today he has been sleeping lots due to his cold.

I don't think his dummy falling out is the problem as that doesn't usually bother him. 

I agree though re the fussing cry I should let him get on with it which I haven't done until last night. 

Am trying to not use the dummy except when he is really upset!

Thanks again its good to have other Mums view points

[beth and sam's mummy]

hi just wanted to say hang in there. Our ds was doing exactly same as your lo after 4 months of not really clicking onto the fact that really he was just using us for comfort (we became his soother) we became sterner. Ie unless he really screams we leave him to get on with it.  Nowadays if he does wake he might have a moan for a few mins but if we ride that out and ignore him he is asleep within 5 mins.

[RyansMum]

Thanks I think tonight will be a challenge as he has a fever and cold!! 

I have never had a problem with the night wakings as I think I was pretty realistic before he was born that sleeping would be very disrupted but I just find it so hard to leave him for too long even if the cry is just a fuss!

[GG]

It's important for you to realize that, if it's a fussy cry, you're not letting him CIO by not going to him right away.  He really needs to learn to calm himself and waiting a while for the fussy cries to possibly pass will help him learn this.

I can't tell how old your lo is.  Could you tell us how old he is?  Also, have you ever swaddled him?

[RyansMum]

Hi

He is 4 months tomorrow.  Bless him he has a fever and is all bunged up today plus I am now feeling the same way! 

I hear what you are saying about the fussy cries, I guess I just find it hard to leave him for any longer than 15 minutes, though dh tells me I shouldn't go! 

Last night was a breakthrough for me to leave him and I was very pleased he got himself back off to sleep.  I also did it for one of his naps today and it worked though by the afternoon he was in such a state I let him fall asleep on me.  He is ill I feel I should give him more of me!

[Johno & Aurelias Mum]

Hi

I guess my answer would be it depends on the baby.  They are all different.  I have always found it better with DS to get in there quick and it is far easier to help him through the sleep cycle.  I haven't found that that made him wake up more or be unable to settle himself.  I guess what I do is a little like what is suggested for habitual waking where you go in before a suspected wake up and shh and pat to help them through it.

I don't think its CIO letting them fuss but I do think you need to find what suits your LO.

[GG]

I personally think that if your lo is sick, you should be with him.  He needs the extra caresses and kisses.  Don't leave him to cry, even if it's fussy, especially if he has a fever.  IMO, I say spend a little extra time with them when they are sick.

[RyansMum]

Hi GG

I am in agreement with you.  Lo went to sleep ok but woke up 2 hours later screaming, dh and I tried for a couple of hours to calm him but to the avail, in the end he slept between us!  He still did fuss but I think he felt more comforted cos Mummy and Daddy were with him.

Last night his temp had finally gone down a bit and we had a lovely day but then the poor little guy got wind really bad!!  DH and I did all the techniques and gripe water for an hour when eventually it past!  Lo fell asleep as soon as he was in his cot cos he was so exhausted.  My poor little guy  :cry:

He is only waking up once in the night and I did go and soothe him quickly last night cos he had a couple of rough nights.

I am off to a party today and hope that lo and dh can get through bedtime ok.