9 mo. old- 30min naps, doesn't sleep through, no schedule

[ChasMom]

I am so discouraged and reaching the end of my rope:( .  I honestly don't know where to start and I'm in desperate need of help.
I have a very spirited 9 month old who started taking 30 min. naps at 3 mo. and 6 mo. later I still can't get him on any type of schedule. He goes to bed at 7:30 pm and can wake anywhere from 5am to 6:45 am which the occasionaly 4:30am waking :shock: . There is absolutely no consistency to his days whatsoever.  I can't plan anything because I don't know what the day holds. I try not to take him out too much because he won't nap anywhere else.  If I do go out I'm usually racing around to rush home before his next naptime.   We had a period of about 3-4 weeks or so around 6 months of age when he started taking better naps, about 1hr 15min 2x a day but then the nights turned into a nightmare and although they are somewhat better, they haven't been the same.  Occasionally he will sleep through (1-2x/week) but most nights he's up at least 1-4 times a night.  Lately, if he wakes before 2am he can put himself back to sleep but never if he wakes after 2 am at which point he will settle after some shhhing and patting other times he cries the minute we stop or leave the room and we have to pretty much shh/pat until he's completely asleep which worries me that it's becoming a prop.  Then he will sleep through until morning or if he went to bed absolutely overtired, continue to wake every hour or so until morning.  He goes down easily at bedtime because he's so exhausted by then and was going down easily for naps (even though 30 min.) but has lately in the past week started to fight naps and I am so tired of spending 45min. -1hr. trying to get him to nap only to have him wake after 30 min. and still be cranky.  I did this for months earlier on and I just don't know if I can go through the nap battles again. I had given up on trying to extend naps and just taking whatever I could get as long as he was going down without a fight. It's too stressful and I'm afraid I'll end up a basketcase! He's unbelievably strong willed.  I always say he's 9 mo. going on 2! He will literally stay awake for HOURS during the day if I let him even though he is visibly tired.
For example, he is STILL awake this morning, after trying for over an hour to get him to nap this morning.  I just gave up and I honestly feel like I've lost all motivation to even keep trying. 

Sorry for rambling and I hope this all makes sense but I wanted to cover the major points in hopes that someone out there can please give me some insight or advice.

[GG]

Are you following EASY?  In other words, do you feed him when he wakes up, let him play afterwards, and put him down for a nap when he's tired?  This is where consistency would come in, not in the form of a rigid schedule but in the form of a routine.  So, even though one day he would take his first nap at 9 AM and the next day at 9:30 or 10 AM, as long as you are following EASY as the routine, you are being consistent.

It sounds as if your lo went through the growth spurts but you weren't able to keep things consistent.  Growth spurts, teething, colds/flus and milestones throw things off.  They sure keep moms and dads on their toes!!  However, you need to try to keep things as consistent as possible, even if your baby is trying not to.

At this age, he going through separation anxiety, which is why he starts to cry the minute you leave the room.  You need to make sure that it's a real cry and not a fussing/mantra cry.  If it's the real cry, you can go back and reassure him that you're there, that he's only going to sleep, and that you'll be there when he wakes up.  At his age you can actually say these things to him as reassurance.

It sounds as if you are overtired as well.  You need to get some rest if you'll have the strength to get him back on track.  Is there some way someone can come over during the day to help?  You can get some sleep that way.  Or maybe dh will let you take a nap in the early evening?  You need to work on you so that you can then work on the baby.

My recommendation:  You need to work on the naps.  Watch his cues and, as soon as you see him act tired, take him to his room.  Do a wind-down routine and put him down for his nap.  If he resists, you will need to do PU/PD to get him to fall asleep.  It may take up the entire length of his nap (at which point you both be really tired) but it's important in order to get his routine on track.  Feed him, then try to keep him up at least 30 more minutes.  Then, back to the bedroom.  You'll probably have to do PU/PD again since he's overtired but, I promise, if you stick to it, you will eventually get him to nap on his own.  It may take a few days, but you will get it!  My ds is proof of this (I can tell you stories!!!).

Also, you need to treat the 4:30 - 6 AM wakings as night wakings.  You need to do the same here (again, probably using PU/PD).  By the way, is he crying when he wakes up at these times or is he playing?

I HTH as a beginning to getting your ds's routine on track.