HELP!!!

[ittybittyone]

My son is 3 months old and has a terrible time with naps. I have had to feed my son every 2 hours since birth (except at night now - he sleeps well then). He was small for gestational age because of intrauterine growth restriction (the doctors don't know what caused it other than that my placenta just matured to quickly and then started to deteriorate before term).

So my goal of feeding him every 2.5 to 3 hours was lost in the wind. I have tried the Babywise / Ezzo method, though it's not really meant to work with a 2-hour feeding schedule. A friend told me about the Baby Whisperer book, so I just ordered it today. I know basically nothing about it yet, though it sounds like a relaxed version of Babywise.

Anyway. My son has only been taking 30 to 45 minute naps and is fussy quite a bit of the day. He also is quite gassy and has laryngomalacia and reflux. So I don't know what is fussy from tiredness and what is fussy from digestive problems. He does well at his first morning nap and goes down very easily while still awake but drowsy. Even his second nap is fairly easy. But after that it's a nightmare. My problem is that I don't know if I can extend his feeding schedule yet and I don't know how much napping he really needs. And how is he supposed to get a nap longer than 45 minutes when he eats every 2 hours anyway? UGH. I just want to know if there is something that I can do to help him get on a semi-normal schedule. I'm starting to have fears that this is going to last forever (know it won't).

I suppose these are all questions for my pediatrician, but thought I'd shoot them out to you and see what is said. Any input is appreciated.

[mommyof2boys]

Hi there!

Sounds like you're having a bit of a rough time.  I'm so sorry!

I used Babywise with my first and, although there are similarities, Baby Whisperer is much more "listen to your baby--not the rigid schedule"--and definitely does not go for crying it out.  I much prefer it--allows the predictibility of schedule/routine without the major stress of "doing it right."

Anyway, I had a friend whose baby's were on a routine who did the every 2 hour feedings, but I think it ended earlier than 3 months. 

Are you waking your lo to feed, or do you let her sleep longer if she will?  I definitely recomment the latter!

Have you tried using a pacifier to extend the naps?  Not a perfect solution, and it didn't work at all with my first since he spat it out every 2 minutes, but it's working quite well with my 4-month-old.

Can you give us a bit more information?

[Luisasmum]

I had to feed every 2 hours from birth for the same reason as you do. I started trying to extend the gap between feeds on my heath nurse's advice and when I went back a month later and told her it wasn't working (was still very fussy, taking short naps, everything you describe) she told me to see my paediatrician. Turns out dd had reflux too but once I got her onto Losec she was a lot better. I assume your lo is on medication for the digestive problems? Were you told to give probiotics? These can help sometimes. They didn't work for my dd but she also had renal problems which may have made matters worse.

I think once you have a read of the BW book you'll probably feel a lot more confident about getting a normal life back. Are you getting the first book (secrets) or second book (solves all your problems)?

I also tried the Ezzo method :oops: but it wasn't working for us. Have a look on the net for his name. There's a lot of speculation about his credentials being bogus!

[Taylor's Mommy]

Hi there,

first, thanks mommyof2boys and luisasmom for chiming in.  And congrats ittybittyone on the birth of your son.
I too read Babywise while I was pregnant and the schedule and all sounded great, but then in reality all wasn't so easy!  I found the book lacked a lot of guidance and help on what to do when things actually don't fall into place and you are having a hard time getting your lo to sleep independently.  I found Baby Whisperer much more helpful, insightful and more importantly gentle.

While you are waiting for the book to come, I would suggest reading the Sleep Interview with Tracy at the top of the forum.  Also, in the General Sleep Issues forum there is a post from Theo's mom at the top titled pat/shush for babies younger than 3 months old and PU/PD for babies 3 months and older.  These are 2 of Tracy's main methods for teaching lo's to fall asleep independently.  I wouldn't recommend starting the methods though until you have had time to read at least some of the book and devise a plan of some sort.

The things you may find most helpful about Tracy's methods are:
1. the emphasis on a routine, not so much a schedule, of Eat, Activity and the Sleep.  This helps your lo know what to expect next since babies thrive best when things are predictable for them
2. The routine helps you better predict his needs.  If he has already eaten and played, perhaps he is getting fussy because he is ready for a nap, for example.
3. Learnign to read your babies cues
4. Teaching your baby to sleep independently without the use of Cry It Out.

Is your baby currently on any sort of routine?  If so, please list it and we will see if we can get started.

Thanks!  Andrea

[ittybittyone]

I am in the US, so he is on Zantac drops for the reflux and Mylicon drops for the gas. The head of his mattress is elevated. He eats roughly every 2 hours and we follow a pattern of eat, wake, sleep. He wakes up at about 8 am (that's the wake up time I set, though he wakes up on his own now). I put him down to sleep when he either starts yawning, his eyes start drooping, or he gets fussy and it's been about 1 to 1.5 hours since he last woke up. He usually goes down without a fuss for the first morning nap. This nap he'll sleep anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes and then wake up, usually right around the time of his next feeding. Then next nap is pretty much the same. Then after that he screams when put down for a nap. And so goes the rest of the day. Until 6:30 to 7 pm, when he eats his last meal and goes to bed about an hour later usually with just a little fuss (I always turn down the lights so he knows it's bedtime). Then he usually sleeps for a good 5 to 7 hours (has gone as long as 10) before waking up to eat again. Often he'll wake up around 2 or 3 am to eat. Lately he's been waking up again around 5 am very gassy and trying to pass a bowel movement. So I usually don't feed him here...just try to get the gas out and then he usually ends up in his swing. Then he wakes up at 8 am to eat and the cycle repeats.

[ittybittyone]

I did read the sleep interview and some of the pat/shush and pu/pd posts last night. To be completely honest, I'm not sure I am willing to spend half my day trying to get my son to sleep without crying. I work from home and really need the naptime to get my work done. Certainly everyone is entitled to their own opinions when it comes to CIO - mine is that some crying may help him let off steam. Of course I do have my limits. He has gotten quite good at finding his thumb to suck and that soothes him to sleep quite nicely when he's not overagitated. My main problem is knowing how many naps he really needs and if and when I can attempt to extend his feeding schedule.

I am interested in the EASY schedule as it seems a little more flexible than the Babywise one. For example, does he really need a nap EVERY cycle? I have a feeling he doesn't need one in the last cycle before bedtime. Thank you again for your input. It is appreciated.

[Taylor's Mommy]

Itty Bitty One,

BW methods are not designed to eliminate crying all together when trying to teach independent sleep, and in fact some methods like PU/PD unfortunately may involve a lot of crying because you are teaching a new way to sleep.  BW methods do offer though a more gentle way to teach infants to sleep than CIO because you the parent, are with the child the entire time they are learnign to self soothe and fall asleep.  Tracy felt very strongly that leaving an infant to CIO breaks the bonds of trust between child and caregiver, therefore all methods endorsed on this site are an alternative to CIO.
You are correct that some infants, esecially spirited ones, do in a sense need to let off steam, especially when still very young.  With BW though, you would not leave the child alone when this is happening.

If you are still interested we are here to help.  Check out the EASY forum for sample schedules.  To answer your questions about naps every cycle, at 3 months your ds should ideally be getting 3 naps of 1.5-2 hours each and 1 catnap.  At around 4-5 months they drop to 2 naps and a catnap when they go on a 4 hour schedule.

[mommyof2boys]

I must admit that, as I was sleep training about a month ago, I let my lo fuss for up to 20 minutes before falling asleep.  If he really started crying I'd go to him; otherwise I'd let him work it out on his own through some fussing.  Often he'd fall asleep on his own within 10 or 20 minutes (now it's about 2 min if there's any fussing at all); if he didn't fall asleep that quickly or if he did a "get in here" cry, I'd go and rock him and calm him down; then try again.  Sometimes I'd use the pacifier as well.  I think some fussing, and occasionally the paci, are okay; sometimes intervening too much does more harm than good.  But I think it's important to respond to the "get in here" cry promptly.

Have you tried a paci to extend the naps?

[FreddieEden]

I must say I do the same as mommy of 2 boys, though Daniel doesn't so much fuss or cry as take time to talk himself down and sometimes makes noises of outrage at being left alone in his cot.  The time he takes really varies.  He goes through phases of settling to sleep in a couple of minutes without any noise and other times can take 15 minutes of grunting and talking.  Sometimes it depends on how stimulated he has been and how long he has been awake for - it is taking him longer to settle as I try to extend awake times now he is 17 weeks.  But I agree that if the cry reaches a certain tone I have to go in there.  Quite apart from feeling abandoned, Daniel would just get himself into a state where he couldn't self soothe and settle himself.  I am doing the same for extending naps -  leaving him for up to half an hour to see if he can't resettle.  It works about 50 percent of the time and there are good days and bad days.  But I find that Daniel is so interactive and sociable that minimum intervention is always the best.

Freddie