Seperation Anxiety?

[thodder]

Hi,

I need some help.  My LO is 7.5 months old.  About 3 weeks ago he started to freak if I got out of his sight during the day, but was fine in his crib.  Now he's fine during the day if he's awake, but if I put him down for his nap (he's been putting himself to sleep for about 1.5 months now) he FREAKS!!!  And he won't settle unless he's picked up, and picked up by me (he screams more if my hubby gets him).  He'll cuddle in and get mostly asleep, at which time I can sometimes put him down he'll go to sleep, or sometimes he starts to FREAK again and I have to do PU/PD with him.  What used to be a 10 minute babble of him going to sleep has turned into 45 minutes of freaked out baby.
The strange thing - this all started a couple of night ago: 1.5 hours after going down for the night he woke up and was just frantic (night terror?), and since then he's been afraid of being in his crib, but is OK if I'm in the room.

Anyone heard of anything like this?  It is seperation axiety, or do you think something scared him - he cries both during the day and night, so it's not the dark.

Any help would be great.

Thanks,
Theressa

[mommytsa]

Me too!  Seriously, I could have written your post.

So no ideas here, just a lot of hugs and sympathy.

And BTW, love your name!

[Katet]

Sounds like separation anxiety to me & I think you are doing the right thing... just show you are there for him & play games like Peek-a-boo.

Now is a really good time to start the monologue of "mummy is just going to the kitchen be right back" & being there as much as you possibly can, taking them with you around the house, but just leaving them for 30secs etc.

At night time you may find you have to stay longer & help more, but it is a funny thing but the more supportive of their need for you the more they will gain independence as they realise they can trust you to be there for their needs...does that make sense

[mommytsa]

Kate, that makes perfect sense.  I figured that's what it was and how to deal with it.  It just seems like you finally gey everything working out fine and something else comes along to mess up sleep again.  Oh well.  And I love your new avatar!  So cute!

[thodder]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies and support.  I figured as much as well - just needed to know if I was doing the right thing.  Poor LO.  It's funny that Theresa (note the different spelling) is having the same problem with her little one, who was only born 1 week after Joshua.  :-)

I'm sure we will survive - too bad they can't understand "I'll be right outside if you need anything". 

Theressa

[yyll35]

Thanks for the suggestions.  My 9 month old is waking at night terrified it seems for the last 2 weeks(since daddy's gone).  When he wakes, All I have to do is lay him back down(he is sitting in his crib), cover him, and sit next to him and he will put himself to sleep. If I begin to leave he gets up and starts screaming as if terrified again.  He did this 4 times last night! My sister says I should let him cry it out but it just seems so cruel if he really is going through separation anxiety.  Tonight I'm going to try to leave the music on for him all night.  I don't know what else to do. 
any suggestions?

[Katet]

yyll35, I do think letting a baby with sep anx, cry it out is cruel... the reason they have sep anx, is that they have started to develop a perception of the world & relise they are a person not tied to their primary caregiver (usually mother) But they also know they need that person for survival, so from my reading the crying is them saying I need to know you come to me & that I can be supported by you. Studies have shown that toddlers don't learn to "manipulate" until at least 2 & more likely 3 years old... their behaviour is based on frustration & exploration... not manipulation. & even more so for babies. The more you meet your dd needs to be comforted in a calm & non frustrated way, the more likely she is to realise that her mother will be there for her when she needs her & will become a more secure person... leaving her to cry, just says "I'm all alone in this world... no one is going to come to me, so I may as well give up" I don't know if you have ever seen a baby who has cried its slef to sleep... it actually looks tense & stressed, not peaceful... that to me is enough of a reason to support my children through their needs.

[yyll35]

Last night he didn't wake up at all!  I kept the music on all night and I guess that helped. 
Today is another story: He is sooo clingy, all he wants is to be picked up.  Its so hard without my husband.  He and I were consistent with PU/PD, I don't know or think my babysitter is. Its so hard.  He usually isn't clingy like that unless he's sick.  Lets hope not.
thanks for listening(reading).

[solnme]

I'm in the same boat Theresas.  Great naps, getting plenty of food but the last 4 nights have been crazy.  Ds will go down easily but wake 1-2 hours later and his mantra cry quickly escalates to a scream that only Mum can stop.
I'm trying to work out a game plan for tonight.  Seems my lo responds best if I catch him right away before he really gets going.  So here is my plan:
Go in within 2 minutes
Do not PU
Lay ds down - give the "bedtime' line
Keep hand on him / No eye contact
When settled put some music on
Never tried the music before.  Only listen during the day but at this point I'll try anything.  Thanks for the suggestion.