Feeling very depressed - help please!

[KellyC]

Hi

I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face which is ridiculous as my little boy is sitting in his bouncy chair looking perfectly content - he obviously hasn't read the BW books so doesn't realise he's supposed to still be asleep!

Could somebody please help me to figure out where we are as I seriously feel like carrying him round in a baby sling all day or something, anything other than these naps which just make me cry!

Zander woke at 5am this morning - he's done it for the last couple of days but used to sleep until 6-7am.  This morning he was a very hungry boy and fed for 40 minutes (usual feeds for about 15 minutes).  He went back down ok but only slept for one sleep cycle so we were up again at 7am.  I wasn't sure whether I should try and feed him bearing in mind he'd eaten so recently but I gave it ago and he only had 5 minutes worth - I know this part isn't about naps but now I don't even know when he's due his next feed! 

He started yawning at around 8am - an hour is usually his limit in the mornings.  We led in bed for a bit and I sang him a lullaby, then swaddled him and put him down in his crib at which point he immediately started screaming.  I spent 15 minutes doing pat/shush and PU/PD but he didn't even seem to be trying to go to sleep.  So I got him up again and we sat on the bed for a while longer.  He continued to yawn and fuss and I tried to put him down another time but the same thing happened.  Finally at 8.45 I put him down in his crib and he went to sleep totally independently with no fussing.  What's that all about?  I know Tracy says that some time during the fourth month a window opens up and they can stay awake for much longer, but does this happen overnight?  He was yawning after an hour and we don't usually have time for much of a wind-down after the first yawn, do you think he needs a much longer wind-down now?  Anyway, he was asleep and I was happy! 

I went in after 30 minutes to do Wake to Sleep by stroking his cheek (been trying for 3 or 4 weeks now and has worked maybe 2 or 3 times!) but the same thing happened that has happened alot lately - I went in and he was already half awake!  So, me going into his room (with the creaky floorboards!) just wakes him up fully.  He's not even getting to 40 minutes let alone beyond it.  I went in at 30 because I wondered whether going in at 35 was too late because he'd been awake already so often recently.  He has extended a couple of sleeps himself lately - but always the catnap!!

Please help me - it's so silly that I cry just because my little boy is waking up before I think he should.  Maybe I should forget about the Wake to Sleep?

Thanks
Kelly x

[karfow]

Hi there
I pretty much feel the same - have just posted a message asking for advice myself!  My little love won't go past 45 mins even if i go in to do pat/ssh.   If i leave hin to get upset and cry and then do pu/pd he does eventually go off after approx 30 mins, so maybe you need to persist with pu/pd.  I probably need to aswell but its hard work isn't it.

I'm afraid i'm not sure about the waking but probably you need to not offer him a feed if he has had dream feed but revrt to pu/pd again.  Exhausting i know but worth it. 

Good luck and don't worry about crying - there's not a week goes by without me bawling about something!

Karyn

[Deb_in_oz]

Kelly - you are not silly for caring about how much he sleeps! take a deep breath - ahh - and let it out!

looking at your post what i am thinking now about wake to sleep is this - since you know he seems to come slightly awake in that period what happens nowadays if you stay out of his room and leave him to it? does he wake fully and cry out for you?  does he babble / play?  at this stage i would be starting to see if he can resettle himself - even if he wakes up a bit he might doze back off to sleep - it is normal for babies (and adults) to come into light stages of sleep and then resettle, it is so slight for us that we usually don't even know we do it in the night...

if he does not call out to you i would leave him be to learn to go back to sleep - as he is learning this he could stay awake for as long as 20-30 min before drifting back off but that is improvement and definitely progress in independent sleep ...

[FreddieEden]

Hi Kelly,

Poor you.  This whole nap thing is a complete nightmare and it is odd that when we get really freaked about them not getting enough sleep and being overtired then they suddenly seem all cheery and smiley.

I think there is a bit of a transition between 3 and 4 months that you have to ride out, when they aren't staying awake for long enough to take a nap longer than 45 minutes but it is impossible to keep them awake for longer without big grumpiness.  I can't remember when exactly but I went from sticking in the dummy and getting two hours plus out of Daniel, to staying in for a full half hour only to get another 45 minutes to not being able to get anything at all.  Now that he has got to four months, I am beginning to have some success with keeping him up for longer (going for two hours though the last fifteen minutes or so are a real trial) and him resettling himself, though that is a bit hit and miss and can take half an hour.  Three days ago he only took 3 45 minute naps (though oddly seemed OK on it).  Yesterday he napped for an hour in the morning and 2 hours 45 at lunchtime without waking up at all plus a catnap in the evening.  Today he has done 45 minutes in the morning, woken after an hour at lunchtime and resettled himself in about 20 minutes (I expect we will only get another 45 minutes).  So, it's snakes and ladders as DH says, but I feel we are gradually moving up the board.  Both the good days and the bad days are getting better.  And I think it's important to try to lose the fear factor.  The worst that can happen if it goes wrong is that you have a grumpy baby.  That's not fun but not the worst thing in the world.

I have had those days when they wake early to feed and you wonder when to feed them the rest of the day.  I would just chill about specific feed times and make sure there is a reasonable interval between feeds.  Also, might you  be getting the 16 week growth spurt a bit early if he is waking earlier than usual and is very hungry?  Though I'm obsessed with growth spurts - put everything down to them :wink:

Take care
Freddie

[kirsty_167]

I can totally relate to how you feel and felt when you posted your message.I have been on here many times with tears streaming down my face too!!

Everyone that has replied has made so much sense..it is good to read that we arent alone isnt it? it reassures me its nothing im doing wrong!!

 I find myself so upset when i know jakob should be asleep yet is wide awake.I have my own posting on here too right now as naps and bedtime are hideous right now arrgghhh!!!

Isnt motherhood tricky!! I know some have an easy time of it but then most of us dont really.But then on the the  hard days when we he gives me one of his cheeky cute grins...all is forgotten and i melt!!

Would you like to email me i think nmaybe with similar age babies we could help each other or support each other,i know id appreciate it.I only have one friend with a baby...and hes a dream baby.She has pretty much no hassles at all!!!!  id liek to hear from you if you want or have time that is!!! PM me and i can give u my email address.

Thanks and take care......you are not alone!!!
Kirsty

[KellyC]

Thanks so much for your replies.  It's so good to know that there are other BW mums who obsess as much as I do about naps etc.  Most other mums seem to think their babies don't need to sleep during the day but wonder why they're little monsters during the evenings, we know there's a link there!  Zander had about 2 hours sleep all day today and it took over an hour of PU/PD to put him to sleep tonight, I just thank Tracy that I have the skills to get him to sleep (eventually!) when it's that bad.  Just when it got to the stage when I thought he couldn't possibly scream any harder or louder and that he'd never stop he did, though I had to stay past the 20 minute jolt and boy did he jolt! 

I will leave Zander on his own to see what happens when he wakes early from his naps, though my experience so far is that if he starts to wake then he wakes up fully.  Those flipping baby monitors let you know every little sound that goes on, it makes me even more tense!  I'm now struggling to even get him down to sleep at all.  As soon as I swaddle him he starts crying and it gets worse when I put him down in his crib.  I just don't know where it's going wrong.  I'm going to concentrate on the wind-down too but he just won't let me hold him like he did when he was little  :cry:

Mum babysat this lunchtime (my stomach was in knots the whole time!).  She took him out in his pram at lunchtime and I left an emergency dummy.  She said he cried the whole way up the road so she gave him his dummy which he sucked for 2 minutes then spat out and started zoning out for quite a long time before he shut his eyes without any fuss - what's that all about?  So now I'm also feeling confused about whether to reintroduce the dummy at all.

Tomorrow's another day as they say ...

Kirsty, I've PM'd you and look forward to your reply 

Kelly x

[kirsty_167]

heya have Pm you back with my email....but just to give u something to laugh at.I too know just how much our babies need sleep....guess what extent i went to to get him to nap this avo!!! I had put him down and 1 1/2 hours later hes still awake and then became hysterical......no amount of pu/pd worked....nor did pat shush sitting beside his cot....well desperate i got in the cot!!! Man what a funny site it would have been...i did it as a joke really as i was getting upset to......so in i hopped hahahaha!!! But guess what he slept within 3mins!!!!! I got out after 10mins but he cried again after 20mins..so in i hopped again...by now i was trying hard not to laugh and wake him again but it was so funny and i needed that to cheer me up again.

I leanrt alot actually form doing it too....i saw his jolt happens at 20mins....he has obvious bad dreams....gets upset in his sleep...makes sad noises  as if scared.....an eyeopener thats for sure!!!! I left him again after another 40 mins once he had gone onto the 2nd sleep stage.............it was so hard to then have to wake him after 1.5 hours...you see by then it was 4.30pm and he was due for a feed at 3.30!!!!! I figured he needed his sleep more at that point!!! It made the evening slightly longer as he then had later bath,dinner and bottle....but he still went down well at 7.15pm....PHEW!!!!

Well better go but thought you may find what happened out of desperation,funny!!! So you see you arent alone...in fact I think its me who is obssessed with naps more than you...bet u didnt be a silly as me hahaha!!!

Kirsty :lol:

[KellyC]

Oh dear, I did the same at my mum's house on Sunday night!  She has a cot in her spare room but Zander sleeps in a baby hammock at home so he didn't like it.  I climbed in but it didn't help and I was worried that my considerable post-baby weight might make the thing collapse!!  I'm pleased something made you laugh after that stressful naptime though!

Something strange has happened this morning.  Zander went down for his first nap screaming (and I mean SCREAMING!) his head off.  This only lasted for 10 minutes of PU/PD and I expected him to wake after his usual 45 minutes but that was 1 hour and 5 minutes ago.  I told him that if he isn't good Father Christmas won't come on Saturday night - this seems to have done the trick!

Kelly x