4 mo old will not nap!

[sophiems]

I am completely desperate.  I'm going on abut 4 or 5 days here where my 4 month old son is throwing a screaming fit every nap time. 

He is on a 3 hour EASY routine, E at 7, 10, 1, 4, 7 and DF at 11.  For a while he was going down fine at 8:30am and at 7:30 pm without any problems, just swaddle [just holding down one arm leaving the other free to suck thumb] and singing a lullabye and then in his crib.  AT that time he was starting to have harder and harder times going down for naps during the day...especially at 5:30pm.  Now it seems, even the first morning nap is a fight. 
So I'll do the same naptime routine when I can see he's obviously tired.  He'll lay in his crib for a while with no problem, just cooing, maybe sucking on his fingers or blanket.  then he'll start to fuss, I'll go in before it's an all out screaming fit, try to settle him in his crib.  Usually it doesn't work so I'll pick him up and put him down again, at which point he'll scream even before he hits the crib.  Then I try to settle him again, and usually he'll just start crying before I can even get him into position to settle him in my arms.  then he'll just scream off and on no matter what I do, hold, put down, walk, rock, whatever.  Then I usually just have to keep trying everything to settle him to sleep, and if I'm lucky be able to put him down in his crib after several tries where he doesn't scream.  What has happened the last two days, though is that I'll finally have him settled in my arms, mostly asleep, and I'll put him in his crib, he'll wake up and not be able to settle again, so I pick him up and he gets more and more awake in my arms until he's just ready to play instead of going back to sleep.  So then it's usually time for the next feed and of course he'll fall asleep nursing and I can't wake him, so I put him down and he'll sleep for  an hour and a half or so then wake up and think it's time to eat again.  IT's just one big viscious cycle and I'm so haggard!   Help please!  I also have a 2 1/2 year old who is being completely ignored during this whole process and not liking it one bit so is doing his own acting out...

Edit:  Just want to add that I believe these sleep problems are also because he has stopped using his thumb to self soothe as much.  He used to put his thumb in as soon as he hit the crib...now he won't and if I try to put his thumb in he gets mad.  He just gets annoyed with a pacifier, and usully just takes it out and plays with it and stuffs it in his mouth the wrong way until he gets mad.

[kirsty_167]

hi....if you read through the posting lists you will see you arent alone.I believe there are so many of us with 4 month olds that are going through this.
I think that basically they are more alert,know whats outside their room and want more of it.I have been fighting naptimes for 3 weeks now.My 4 1/2 month old son was a perfect napper until then.

I go stir crazy some days over it!!! All we can do is try to stick to what we know used to work,tweak it a little and ride this awful stage out.They arent old enough to stay up all day,we are the adults and we have to let them know we are the ones in control. Hopefully by keeping routine going as much as possible they soon will fall back into it again.(i say fingers crossed)

I have tried it all too.He haste pu/pd and pat/shush only works occasionally.He doesnt have a dummy anymore and sometimes sucks his hands but not always.He can self soothe and thats what i have to remember,he doesnt need me to fall asleep but only soothe him if really upset.(which happens regular as he is in the overtired cycle!!) So i leave him be now unless really upset.

After much trial and error and many upset moments and sheer exhaustion,I am going to ride it out.I leave him be for the time i think he needs to be napping but get him up before he gets upset.Its hard work,very hard work.But we will one day forget all this and have new challenges!!

Just yestedray i was at a family centre we have here in new zealand,there i watched the other mothers with younger babies, struggle through things that we already have faced and conquered.(like rocking,sawddling,dummy) it made me realise how much we have already achieved and that this is just another one to be achieved..(soon i hope)

Sorry i am of no help but had to reply as i feel like you and know exactly what you are going thru.....if you like PM me and we could exchange emails and chat???

Take care....
kirsty

[Aarismom]

Just wanted to add a little encouragement...

Kirsty's got it right, it sounds like you've got a bad case of the daytime development phase. During this time it's very common and normal that lo's will go on a  sort of "nap strike". Either they'll take short naps, or occasionally no naps. Even great nappers can become bad nappers during this. This will pass, I promise. You've got the added problem of your lo naturally getting rid of a prop, so you're actually dealing with two things at once. Best advice is to keep your chin up and try not to let your emotions run your actions too much, although I admit when my lo went through it there were many, many times when I just had to put her down and leave her to cry in her crib for 5 minutes so I could gather myself again. But it DID pass. It helped that a lot of other women started a "venting post" about this phase because we were all going through it at the same time, and we all posted our progress with it.

Also, read the posts on this link...they might help
http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/teaching-3-5mos-to-overcome-the-45min-naps-vt39769.html

*HUGS* to both of you...
Sonya =P

[Taylor's Mommy]

HI Sophiems,

Just curious if you have given consideration to your lo moving to a 4 hour EASY routine instead of 3?  The reason I ask is that you say he acts tired so you put him in his crib, but then he will coo and hang out in there for a bit, and then get upset.  I'm just thinking that maybe he is fighting the nap because he is just not tired enough yet and saying 'mommy I don't want to sleep yet!"  I know we recently went through the same thing with Taylor.  She had been having about 2.5 hours of A time before a nap, then all of a sudden she started really fighting her naps like crazy.  We increased her A time to 3.0 hours slowly over the course of a few days, and suddenly no more fights!

By moving to a 4 hour EASY he will be staying up a bit longer which should tire him out so that he will take a longer nap.
I also remember that sleep cues can be VERY confusing at this age, and I know a lot of moms (me included) found the most success with doing a combo of watching the clock and reading cues. 

If you think he may be ready, we can help you make the transition to the 4 hour easy routine in the EASY forum, but it does need to be done over the course of several days because you will be extending A time and dropping a feed.

What do you think?

[sophiems]

I have given the 4 hr. cycle a thought...but here's my concerns. 
It seems that he is still very very hungry at feed times and there are times, about every 4 days or so that it seems I'm giving him an extra snack somewhere.  It just seems that he is hungry.  The other problem is that we are going on vacation in 4 days and will be in a 5 hr time difference for 2 weeks...I think well maybe since everything will be new we should do the change then, but then I fear it will be too much at once.  Any thoughts?

[Taylor's Mommy]

Is he breastfed or bottle fed?  How much is he taking/how long is he nursing for?  You could still do a 4 hour EASY but add in a cluster feed towards the end of the night.  Or if you're nervous  you could add a lite feed before each nap to get some extra calories in.  When I moved Taylor to a 4 hour routine, I did the light feeds before nap time for about 2 weeks.

Regarding vacation, you may want to hold off on changing the routine.  If he gets really off routine you may not know if it is because of the switch to the 4 hour easy, or vacation, KWIM?

Please let me know about how he is fed and we can delve in further.

thanks

[KellyC]

Andrea

I'm pleased you mentioned the light feeds before naps as I'd been considering this for moving Zander onto a four hour routine (as per how Tracy helped Josie).  I guess it would also help to keep him up for longer periods of time.  Did you also follow the suggestion of increasing only the am Activity by 15 minutes at a time or did you just try to increase all Activity times at once?

Thanks
Kelly x

[sophiems]

He is breastfed. 
The concern I have about the cluster feed before nap is that there's no "short" nursing time for him.  I've tried it when I was trying to combat the 45 min nap and he just gets madder than mad if I try to just give him a snack.  He wants all or nothing...!

[Taylor's Mommy]

Hi Kelly, yes, I did the increased A time as suggested; every few days increas a little bit more.  I pretty much followed the planned switch in Tracy's new book except for the last few days.  After we had been making the switch for about 1.5 weeks, I just went for it and started keeping her up for 2 hours and dropped one feed.  We never looked back after that.

Sophiems, totally understand about not being able to do a short feed.  But how about a cluster type feed at the end of the day?  So something like:
Eat at 4 pm
cluster feed at 6ish before bath
finish cluster feed at 7 before bed

It may be worth giving a tryfor a couple of days?  Does he seem to eat well at the 7 pm feed?  I remember when T was at that age she would get soooo tured by the end of the day that she would get frustrated bfing at the last feed, therefore not eating as much as she should/could.  They say the milk is thicker at night so they have to work harder at getting it down.  So I would offer some before bath and then some after and it seemed to improve things.

Thoughts?