March/April '05 Thread #4

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

OMG Ankie, how scary!  So pleased to hear that she is ok though.  My DH isn't/wasn't as safety minded either when Nathan was a baby, he's gotten really good thougha nd I do still need to give reminders about certain things though.  Just look at it as a good lesson and know that it won't happen again.  As I mentioned once before we had a very scary incident when Nathan had just learnt to walk and the gate at the front door wasn't closed by DH (it was summer and too hot for the door to be shut) and I found him walking down the driveway towards the road!  Never, has it happened again, it's a horrible lesson to learn and could have been so tragic.

I think I would tend to do what you are doing, checking on her regulary throughout the night.  Did she get any big bumps or bruising?  I think if she did then there could be delayed problems (although Nathan's had a few big goose-eggs on his head in his time where I haven't taken him to the doctor for - just monitored closely).  {{Hugs}}, don't beat yourselves up over it, just learn from it.

[Little Bear's Mum]

Oh Ankie, I hope you're both alright. It must have been a terrible fright for you all. I know nothing about dr/hospital stuff so couldn't recommend what to do, but I'm with Nikki, keep checking on Arwyn and if she's more sleepy than normal at the wrong time get her checked.

Judy and Nikki I was in the same boat as you guys with lingerie, some of my knickers which had originally had lace embroidered on had no more lace!!!! I tell you, what a mess they were. I can't say I bought sexy lingerie, just boring white, but it's comfy, fits nicely and is new! Oh actually I bought a black and pink pair of knickers aswell. I had decided when I stopped feeding I'd get some new bras, hoping I'd drop a few sizes from what I used to be but alas no, still bigger than average and now 'sloppy' too! Sorry if TMI, but it's true, you do lose your shape when you stop feeding. I was hoping I might be different from all other women, but no, apparently not! :lol:  :roll:

I was also looking at clothes today and it made me miss work cos I used to wear nice clothes to work, now I have no need for anything but casual clothes.  :cry: I miss getting dressed up with skirts and nice shirts etc. We never go out so no need for any clothes for going out either. Infact we've only just today been invited to a friends place for NY eve tomorrow, if they hadn't rung we'd be by ourselves. How sad is that?? These friends are on the Base with twins so also find it easier to be at home this year too. So at least we can walk around to their house tomorrow afternoon and we'll just put Daniel to sleep in the buggy, then when it's time to go home walk / wheel him home to bed. Nice and easy.

Well better go play with my boy. Then time for bath.

Bye. Happy New Year everyone incase we don't 'talk' tomorrow.

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Bec, I've read about half the interview and here are my thoughts so far...

I think she is totally in line with what I understand of the UP theory.  Getting away from rewards and punishments (so instead of teaching children that they must do as they're told) it's helping children make wise decisions that will serve them well as adults. 

"Good Boy" - this is something I try not to do as suggested by the author, it's just a bland response that is actually passing judgement on the child, not actually being helpful.  So I might say to Nathan, "wow, what have you drawn there?" if he's drawn a picture (a few scribbles  :wink: ) instead of saying "hey good boy, that's a good picture". If he tells me proudly it's a truck I'll say "that's a pretty neat looking truck".  I also avoid saying good boy for everyday activities (in fact Tracy touches on that too).  If he's sitting down to drink his drink I'll acknowledge it but not necessarily praise him for it.  Or if he's worked hard to get some food on his fork, I'll acknowledge it but not overpraise on it.

THere is an article out there in cyber world titled something like "why saying good job is not a good idea" - it's along the same lines.

Gotta go, back later once I've read more.

[hayes]

Oh my it took me 3 days to catch up.  Happy belated Christmas to everyone.  After reading all of the Christmas stories I don't feel sorry for myself anymore.
We had a pretty relaxed time in San Diego.  Stayed at a friends house who stayed at our house in San Jose.  Was super nervous that my parents would be upset because we only stayed one night at their house but everything went smoothly.  Only to return with Ben having a fever and waking again at 5, boo hoo.
So many funny storied thanks for all of the laughs.  So many comments to make but many of you won't know what I am talking about considering it was 30 pages ago.
Just a few...
Bec GREAT Santa picture.  My dad dresses up as Santa and Ben didn't like him too much on Christmas morning.
Richelle-Hope you are feeling better hah hah-I enjoy trying to make everything perfect in our house too-never going to perfect it.
Judy-so glad CHristmas day went well for you, I thought your day would never end, glad to hear that your uncle (I think that's who it was)was nice and not sarcastic.  Lucky for him too he could have gotten himself into some trouble.
Andrea-I too compare presents.  Seems that because Ben lives far away he doesn't get as many presents(so bratty I know)but then again that dumb mother in law isn't at my house all the time so I guess I should feel relieved.
Hannah-DH is staying up late right now to get in on some action.  He sometimes passes up 2nd base and goes straight to third.  I am trying to let him know that i am no longer a slut but a virgin.
Judy-I found that Ben got a bit tied up with the multigrain cereal.  I am going to add some fruit to it and see if it helps.
Little DH rant... went to an excercise class tonight and came home to DH.  He said that he had learned a very valuable lesson while I was gone.  He realized that he is so stuck on routine that he forgets to spend quality time with LO.  (I do want him to spend good time with Ben don't get me wrong) BUT I walked to the back of the house and the guy couldn't pick up anything and all he had to do was make a salad and and and and and . ARGGGGG Okay I feel better now thanks for reading see you all in the morning and hopefully at the chat or is it going to be changed to a different place and time.
Sleepies for everyone along with good pooping and great eating.
macaire

[hayes]

Ankie-Hope you are doing okay.  Watch out for the extra sleeping or vomitting.  I am sure everything is fine.

[Taylor's Mommy]

OMG Ankie, soooo sorry to hear about what happened.   :cry:  :cry:  :cry:   Sorry if you mentioned it already, but did you call your ped.??  If you need to for your peace of mind then you should definitely take her to the hospital tomorrow morning. 
I will pray for her.  Please let us know how she is doing.

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

OK, so I finished reading the interview.  On the whole I liked her approach, but as with anything like that there were a few things that don't fit with my style. 

I did like that she doesn't do time out as such, it's more a calm down place, and with the adult there unless the child chooses to go off to their room for a quiet fun play.  Her calm down place IS fun and not punishment, and that's the difference for me, it's a place to regain your emotions, just like as adults we might want to take a bath, go for a walk, read a book etc.  If Nathan wants to go to his room (or he will sometimes take himself to the beanbag in the lounge - after collecting together a few soft toys and his blankie), it's a place where he will sooth himself which I like.  I also like that she suggests drawing the child close if they're upset and emotional, I've found this to be quite effective - if he's nutting off at something I sit nearby, calm and quiet, offer a hug, if he screams at me etc I just stay close and occasionally offer the hug again and usually within a minute he's coming to me for a hug.  I don't see that as rewarding him for having the tantrum, but rather he is allowed to feel his emotions in a safe environment and know that I'm there to help him.  When he's calm we might talk about what happened.

Today, he ripped one of Danielle's new books - now my immediate reaction was to start lecturing him about it and a few "why did you do that?" (who would willingly want to answer that question  :roll: ) - I know it used to make ME defensive when I got asked that by my parents.  Once I finished my rant (I wasn't yelling, just a case of *I see your lips moving and all I hear is blah blah blah* :roll: ), he was looking quite sad throughout all of this, no screaming, crying or anything and it made me realise that he didn't purposely rip the book (it was unusual and not something he's seen before, it's got these little ribbon things that he yanked on and pulled out of the pages - curiosity because he said "oh oh" when it happened).  Now, if I was doing L&L, off he would have been marched to Time Out - this would have resulted in screaming, my temper being raised and us both feelign bad for the rest of the afternoon.  Instead, I finished putting Danielle's nappy on, asked him to come over for a cuddle, told him I loved him and that I know it was an accident and he didn't mean to - he agreed and told me that he wasn't going to rip her book anymore.  We were happy and good to go.

[Judy]

Ok poop question!!   I gave the girls bits of chunked cooked carrot.  They loved it - ok so maybe they just hate the mushy runny food??  Anyway, I noticed this morning that the chunks came through Kaia's diaper pretty much as they went in?  Is this normal?  I didn't think carrots were that fibrous and thought the body would have broken them down more?  Anyone else notice this?

Ankie!!  Big hugs girl.   I can imagine the horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Look at it this way - it was a great learning experience for all of you - especially dh who maybe needed a good learning experience.  Arwyn is fine but now everyone is aware of the potentials with the gate.  I remember when Sarah was 10.5-11months old I left the girls at my girlfriend's house.  She was our daycare provider when I went back to work so this was a 'test run' for my girls.  Anyway, Sarah was and IS a busy girl who will climb most anything soooo my friend was referring a dispute between the older two girls (she has two girls the same age as Z & S) and Sarah was in the room when this started... it took my friend less than a minute to grab her timer and set it and realize that Sarah had left the room.  She went to their bathroom to find her standing on the TOP of the toilet tank reaching for a picture! :shock:  We both went through all the possibilities in our mind - falling head first into the open toilet, falling into the sink and knocking herself out or the wall..... on and on.  But in the end we realized she was ok and we were just all the more aware of how MUCH she needed to be watched CONSTANTLY.  We learned a good bit and no one got hurt thankfully.  Ok so I know it's different because she didn't fall and Arwyn did...  but sorta similar idea??  Am I stretching ?   I'm sure she's fine if she was playing fine and not crying at all.  I'm sure if there were some internal injuries she'd stop and wimper a few times here and there as something hurt or she'd be just sit and not be interested to play.  The longer getting to sleep at night could just have been your stress.  These little babies sure can pick up on our feelings and I'm sure she knew that mommy just wasn't herself for whatever reason.   Sarah used to knock her head so much - often with Zoe's help.  When she started to pull up to stand Zoe was quite jealous of the attention this elicited and she would pull her by the neck and throw her down (faster than we could run to catch her!) and Sarah would fall straight backwards onto her head.  I remember actually asking the dr. how much knocking her head could take and he said "a fair bit but you don't want to promote it"  OBVIOUSLY.

It's going to sit on your mind for a few days... but it will pass and all will be fine!   {{{hugs}}}

Gotta scoot.  Zoe just woke up for the day

[Richelle]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} ANKIE!  I agree to keep an eye on her but if she seems fine, I would follow her cues.  I hope you had an OK night and everything is right as rain but if it makes you feel better, call your ped.  I can imagine that you keep replaying it in your head, I know we all would but if Arwyn is OK and her adorable little self then I would try and leave it behind.  It must have been very scary and I totally feel for you, big hugs and let us know how you are doing.

[hayes]

Good morning.  Interesting day here so far.  Ben woke at 3:45, I was hoping that a little cuddle would get him back to sleep.  Ever since we have been home from vacation he has had early wakes, no time zone difference.  I fed him half a feed and he slept into 7:45, usually wake up is between 6/7.  Am I going to be paying for feeding him...?
Judy, Ben has bits of carrots in his poop when I have braved the chunks, lots of choking here.  Also he had chunks of tofu the other morning.  It is quite normal in our house.  Have a good day/night everyone.
macaire

[Judy]

Thanks Macaire!!   These girls tend to gag a lot too - but the carrots were reeaaally soft.  They do ok with toast, still gag a bit on cheerios but they manage to work it out themselves so far.

[sophieandhannah]

DH is staying up late right now to get in on some action. He sometimes passes up 2nd base and goes straight to third. I am trying to let him know that i am no longer a slut but a virgin.

LOL Macaire.  Also...that was a dh rant...mine are like three pages long! Feel free to really let it out sometime:)   :wink:

I don't see that as rewarding him for having the tantrum, but rather he is allowed to feel his emotions in a safe environment and know that I'm there to help him. When he's calm we might talk about what happened.

I totally agree Nikki.  Why should a child be punished for (in this case an accident) a mistake/ "bad" choice ?  I make bad choices all the time.  They usually come with consequences but dh (for example) doesn't withhold love from me because I've done something wrong.  It is amazing to me how many kids that I work with in school are literally pertrified to make a mistake.  It's sad becase if they aren't willing to mess up, it's hard for them to learn.

Ankie, I totally know what you are going through.  I felt much the same after I let Sophie fall off of the changing table.  I can only imagine how furious I would have been at dh if it had been him.  I only know that I felt so awful and like I had let both dh and Sophie down by being so careless.  I did call my ped right away as well as my mom, dh, a couple of friends etc...My first thought was not to tell anyone, but then I knew I had to "confess"  Anyhow, the sick feeling will pass, or ease at least.  It sounds like she is ok.  Big hugs to you and dh and Arwyn. 

Hayley...lol at sloppy boobs...definately have those here too.  And...I also thought that I wouldn't be one of "those" women...on many counts, including the droopy boobs...socks with rocks BTW, your mom sounds great on the discipline thing.  Lucky you.  and dh...yeah!!!  What a guy



Have great days/nights.

Hannah

I remember actually asking the dr. how much knocking her head could take and he said "a fair bit but you don't want to promote it" OBVIOUSLY.

:roll:

Now that I fgured out how to quote...there's no stopping me

[Colesmom]

Judy-thanks for the book ideas.  Think DH got to Chapters before I got online.  Oh well, I'll pick them up anyway.  Happy to hear Kaia is feeling better.  With regards to constipation...do you find in affects her night sleep?  We had a HORRIBLE night last night after we got home from the party then Cole had hard rabbit poops this morning.  I think it may have been gas but do you think it bothers them even before they start trying to push?  I gave Cole a couple of chunked carrots the other day but I don't remember the resulting poop-sorry.  I do remember however that Richelle said she's had much more success with Sophie once moving to chunkier food.  She just wasn't interested in the mush. 
If I wasn't nap moderator i'd rarely go anywhere else.  i pop onto the lounge now and again and discipline to look for your posts :wink: but that's about it.  OH, and visiting the nap board has helped me too!  I've yet again modified Cole's nap windown. he's going down better. still needs my help but i'm seeing his yawn much earlier now.  yay.

Naomi-glad to see you around. Hope you have a few moments for chat tonight too.

Hayley-big rave for DH and yay for you for getting out.  Lingerie huh? have to admit never been a bit lingerie girl.  maybe because for a long time i wasn't altogether too happy with my body (legs particularly).  I got all sort for my shower, put in on during honeymoon and just felt unattractive :oops:  not to mention i find it uncomfortable.  I prefer just tight little tanks and boxers...sexy but sporty is my look (when i feel sexy anyway).  nowadays i'm with judy and nikki on comfort. in fact i'm still wearing my preggo undies because they are just so comfy and don't really show pantilines...

Ankie-there are just not enough hugs for you girl.  I am so sorry that happened.  I would also be furious with DH.  Everyone else has already given good advice on what to do...so I'll just say that I'm sure she'll be okay.  My DH showed me a video he did with our new camera.  He taped Cole climbing the stairs..but he was at the top.  YEP-so at any moment cole could have toppled backwards :roll:  :evil:  :shock:  He did this with the digital camera.  I really don't want something to have to happen for him to learn from it. *sigh*

I don't see that as rewarding him for having the tantrum, but rather he is allowed to feel his emotions in a safe environment and know that I'm there to help him. When he's calm we might talk about what happened.

Brilliant Nikki-love this approach. I am learning so much from you girls.  And DH and I say good boy too often. Must remove it from our vocab.

with regards to boobs...i did the pencil test and passed.  YAY.  but tried it on my bum and failed.  boooo.  must do some squats or something.  I used to have the nicest bum and now it's all flat and saggy :cry:

well-party was nice last night. glad we went.  Two of my girlfriends are preggo and they both look great.  One is due March and the other June.  I have two other girlfriends (different circle of friends)-one just had a baby boy on Dec 24th and the other due Fed.  It's raining babies! Guess we're at that age.

Cole fought to go down but then slept 8:20-11:45.  He was waking as I was walking up to get him-weird.  Thank goodness for the humidifier in the room as it was LOUD.  Anyway, DH took him down and rather than say goodnight and pass by the party and go to the entrance where it was quiet he kept Cole in the midst of the party while i packed stuff up.  sheesh.  he was stunned, then smiled, then bawled apparently.  NICE.  When asked why DH said "everybody wanted to see him".  WELL-they would have seen him if they were on time as he went to bed 45 minutes into the party. oh well.  didn't really fall asleep in the car.  Home by 12:30, didn't settle until 1:30, up again at 3:00-held to sleep, up again at 5, held to sleep and I fell asleep on the glider until 5:50.  put him down and he woke at 6:10 :shock:  crappy crappy night. needless to say we're not going out for new years.  the (*&^%$$ tooth is nearly through.  I so wanted it to come through last night so that i could start retraining him over the weekend.

KATE or anyone- i know I asked this before...but do you guys maintain your routine with your los while teething?  I think hannah said everything went out the window...but I mean-he has seriously been teething a MONTH.  I cannot possibly throw out BW for a month everytime a set of teeth come in. I think I've got a severe case of "poor baby" syndrome going that I need to break.  I am still a hostage in his room while he goes to sleep.  It is driving me NUTS.  I am completely exhausted and not a nice person to be around right now.  Input appreciated.

anyhoo-coming up on the 45 min. mark for nap 2.  better get ready to intervene.  He did have an hour nap this morning...first one longer than 45 in a long while! progress :?:  :roll:

[Arwyn's mom]

Good mroning... well, almost afternoon,

Arwyn seems okay. She woke up at 6:10 and DH tried to put her back down until 6:40 but she wasn't staying asleep so, I got up to feed her as it was close enough to 7. Well... instead of waking up after her feed, she fell asleep. I let her because of her fall yesterday and figured her little body needs the rest. (I would ache if I fell down a flight of stairs... so why wouldn't she?) Anyhoo... she ended up waking at 8:20  :shock: and I thought, great :roll: the whole day is shot. Well... nope, she started to yawn and rub her eyes around 9:40 while eating (still... we started at 9:10 :roll: ) and I put her down for 10. So, we are only 30 minutes off routine! Yeah

I am going through this whole $h!tty night sleep thing too, Traci. We have been doing full on pu/pd since Dec. 19th with no feedings and just 2 days ago, decided that I would feed her once in the night as she still seems to need it and it eliminates a few of the wakings. Well... after that decision, she didn't need to be fed last night at all during any of her wakings. She latched on at 11:30 pm but didn't take anything and fell off within a few minutes. DH put her back to sleep at 2:45 with no effort at all. So... it has now been 2 months 3 weeks- ish and these crazy wakings have not stopped. I can't figure it out... DH and I have decided we gave it our best shot and now, are resigned to the fact that these wakings are due to her sleep crawling and probably developmental. We don't know where to go from here. In the books, nowhere does it say that pu/pd takes over a couple of weeks to work. They all indicate 3 days. I think, girlfriend, that you and I have put in our time!!  :roll:

Karen, Richelle, Jo and Hayley... received your cards over the last 2 days. Thanks!!

Thanks for all the hugs. I am still sniping at DH about everything. I am trying hard not to but I guess I am still mad about the gate. I think as time goes on and I see that Arwyn is really fine, then it will be easier to stop being angry. However, in the meantime, I just have to stay away from him and not ask him to do anything because I get too nit-picky about it all and end up harping on the smallest thing.

Judy... poops. When Arwyn had rabbit like poops, I mentioned it to her doctor and he found she had a fissure. He says that babies manage to hold in their poops because they know that if they poop, it hurts so, that's what they do. Anyway, he told me to give Arwyn orange juice with lots of pulp. :shock: The funny thing is that my mother told me the same thing the day before. Anyhow, it works. I asked the dr. about the Health Canada recommendation that citrus not be given 'til 12 months and he said not to worry about it. Not allergy related.

Hayley... underwear, oh, I mean lingerie. You go, girl! Feels nice to have pretty things doesn't it? I am waiting for my pre-preggo body to pay me a visit and then maybe I'll get something other than a nursing bra and granny undies!

[sophieandhannah]

Hey where's Erin??