I'm really upset.............

[Mia & Scarlett's Mummy]

Hi everyone, hope you all had a lovely Christmas.  Well my lovely Mia is now 4.5months and we have days when we are battling the 45minute nap monster (god how I hate him) but she is starting to extend her naps - yesterday we have a lunchtime nap of 2.5hours and the difference it made to her afternoon was unbelievable - a much happier little girl.

Anyway what I'm upset about is this.  I'm not due back atr work until March but I'm a student as well and Mia will have to go to nursery Monday and Tuesdays.  We took her for a trial last week and I'm really worried.  I not concerned about other kids, weaning, toys or anything like that...........can you guess?  yep it's naps.  The girls at nursery said that a 45minute nap is a good nap for the babies they look after and that all babies struggle to nap when they first start!!

O Lord - has anyone had similar experiences they can share with me so at least I know what I'm in for here.  We were only there for an hour but she got really tired with all the new faces and everything going on and they started jiggling her about and waving new toys in her face.  I'm in the process of writing out her routine for them and how we get her off to sleep and will put in block capitals NO JIGGLING!!!! but I'm so worried that she won;t sleep at all and will be in a real state come 3pm when I pick her.

This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done (taking her to nursery) and I'm not sure I can put her through it.  Like us all I hate the thought of her being unhappy.  I'm absoultely eaten up with guilt and can't sleep for worrying about her.

Can I have some words of wisdom please?

[KellyC]

Hi

No words of wisdom but plenty of sympathy  :cry:   I completely understand how you feel.  I'm hoping I won't have to go back to work until August when Zander is almost 1 but was originally going back in February and led in bed last night almost in tears just thinking about it.  I guess the only thing you can do is be specific about what you do and don't want them to do with her.

Let me know how you get on.

Kelly x

[maggieruth]

i so know what you are going through... we have nap and food issues about Ethan attending nursery.  he has had some dropp in sessions but starts for good on tuesday (i wrote a post about how much i hate this somewhere!!)
i DO like the nursery we chose.  i DO think that it will work for Ethan.  but i also think that to get there there will be a lot of time where it doesn't quite work and i am trying my best to be diplomatic about how i would like Ethan cared for (i.e.-if you just offer him a breadstick he is happy to wave it about and finish his lunch!)(i don't mind if you drape a blanket over the pram he sleeps in for extra dark and to block out visual stim, it makes him nap longer!)
do you know any of the parents who will also use the nursery?  this is a bit of a godsend for us cuz friends of ours leave their little girl in the same room as Ethan.  we do some parental spying on each other's behalf (i get texts if she is in saying, ethan is asleep, don't worry, etc and i do the same)
don't underestimate how long your days will feel when you are putting in your regular work and doing another job stressing about leaving your lo.  stockpile some meals now for when you start (i wish i had done better, thank goodness i have the holidays to do this during now!!!)
good luck!!!

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you Louise, that must be so hard for you.

My first thought was, are you sure this is the right place for your lo? Have you the choice of any other nurseries/childcare options? The reason is that it is their obligation to do with Mia what you specify, does it sound like they are willing to do this? (I'm just asking b/c of the 45 min nap comment). If you explain to them how hard you are working on your naps, and how 45 mins is not enough for her, what do you think their reaction would be? If they are understanding, and will try to help, great, but, if not, it might be worth looking for somewhere else (easier said than done, I know).

Having said that, if you have no other options, I don't see that it's the end of the world. If Mia is only going in for 2 days, even if they totally mess up her nap routine initially, you should be able to keep her on track for the rest of the week, although it will be slightly more difficult in the beginning. I thought the idea of getting to know one of the other Mums who uses the nursery is a great one. Maybe you should go back there a few more times to set your mind at rest?

Please don't feel guilty. You are only human, and cannot be in two places at once . Your lo will probably thrive at nursery, and just think of all the socialising she will be doing there, that's really good for them at this age, and will stand her in good stead for the future.

[FreddieEden]

No suggestions but just to say I know exactly how you feel.  Daniel has got a full time nursery place for when he is seven months old and I have been getting really anxious about it.  I'm praying his naps will be sorted by then but I guess he is likely to revert to 45 minutes when in a strange environment.  Have thought about a nanny or a childminder or staying off work for a bit longer but ultimately we decided on nursery because it would provide good social opportunities and on seven months because it will be easier for him to adjust at that age than older.  And we need the money from my job!  All those things still stand and I know that Daniel and Mia will get loads out of being at nursery when they are older and naps aren't such an issue any more.  I think there might be a fairly rough interim period, though.  I guess we just didn't count on getting nap resistant babies who get tired easily!  At least you don't have to persuade Mia to take a bottle before she can go, which is something I will have to sort out with Daniel.  I'm concentrating on the naps for now, though!

Good luck and do let me know how Mia gets on.

Freddie

[OrlaB]

I have the utmst pity for you all. I am lucky enough not to have to put either of mine in Nursery long term, but I did a sign language course from Sept to Dec and they were both in a nuraery for 4 hours every thursday morning, and it really cut me up.

The only advice that I can give is to go by reccomendation if you can. I had a friend who chose to put her dd in the nearest nursery to her home, and didn't do enough research in to it. Within 6 months she had moved her to another place right accross town, following probs that she had had, and then friends reccomending this second place.

They should be getting you to state your lo's routine so that they can stick to it. Remember you're paying them to look after your baby, it's not a privialage that they're offering you!!

Best of luck. And think of all the social skills, communication skills and stimulus that she'll be getting. And of all those nappies that someone else is gonna be changing!!!

[Mia & Scarlett's Mummy]

Hi everyone - and a happy new year.

Thank you all for your replies, it's made me feel so much better to know you all know how I feel.

The nursery I've chosen is the very best in the area and has come with a personal recommendation.  My b.friends two little boys both go and they love it.  We've really done our research on the nurseries in the area and visited them all and this one was head and shoulders above the rest - should think so too with the prices they charge! :shock:

When considering childcare I personally favour nursery over childminders as it seems there may be more accountability - a childminder doesn't have to answer to anyone and I also like the social aspect of it.  However, having said all that I still feel like a bad mom for taking her at such a young age.  It doesn;t help when my sister in law is a stay at home mom to two kids and a mother in law who delights in ramming this fact down my throat as well as telling me it 'breaks her heart' to think of Mia at nursery (oh sod off  :twisted: )

The girls that will be looking after Mia are lovely and I really warmed to them.  They asked me for her routine.  Like you've said it'll probably take a while for her to settle but at least it's not fulltime and she won't be there all day..........I'm trying to convince myself again now. I'm very emotional at the moment with it all and am a bit tearful.  I watched Eastenders this afternoon and was in floods of tears when Dennis got stabbed and wailed to dh that Sharons poor baby will grow up fatherless!!!!  (Really need to get a grip! Think hormones have kicked in 4 months too late!!!)

Thanks for the posts.  I love this site 

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hiya Louise,

I'm a great believer in Mummy's intuition, so if you feel comfortable with this nursery, then I'm sure it's right for your lo. You have to do what's best for you and your family, and I'm sure you haven't made this decision lightly. It will be hard for you (there'd be something to worry about if it wasn't ), but there are really some great advantages for your lo to being at nursery, and she'll think you're great for providing her with them .

Oh, and tell MIL to shove it :wink:    :lol:

[Erin M]

My DD goes to daycare two days a week, and I love the place.  They respect what I've asked them in terms of putting her down awake for naps, and they try to have her nap at her usual times, but things are a bit different there.  Instead of two long naps like she'll take at home, she usually takes one rather short one there....and it works out okay.  She's just way too interested in everything going around her to nap (and she goes to nap in a separate room that's dark).  She's more tired on those nights and usually gets put to bed earlier, but it has yet to mess up her routine on the other days.  So, what I'm saying is even if her routine isn't strictly followed at nursery and they're doing their best and you trust them, I really wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Mia & Scarlett's Mummy]

Thanks Erin and Caroline - made me feel better to read your posts. 

Would dearly love to tel MIL to shove it - probably will one day :wink:

[Meg's Mom]

Mias moms - my eyes are welling up just reading your posts!  AND I totally agree w/ you on this one - actually i couldn't have said it better!

When considering childcare I personally favour nursery over childminders as it seems there may be more accountability - a childminder doesn't have to answer to anyone and I also like the social aspect of it

.  I am sure you have made an excelent choice.

When Megan started nursery last Sept (just 2 mornings days a weeks - similar to you)...i didn't think i could go thru with it!  It though i was being selfish.  But Megan loves it!  Yes, we have some nap issues - at first she didn't nap, at that point we were on 2 naps.  Then we went to 1 nap and they would give her an am nap as would ask for it...figures.!!

I try to remind myself it is ONLY 2 out of 7 days per week.  So it has helped me to loosen up and relax :shock: .

I received a couple good suggestions here when i posted on this topic:
-ask if you can stay a few hours the first couple days to help show them and also help w/ the transition.
-when you are there, do your best to teach them/tell them all about Tracy's tech.

I hope this helps.  Big hugs!