can't fix early waking...14 month old

[Alison_3]

My ds is 14 months old and we have been battling early waking problems for quite a while now.  He usually goes to sleep by himself at night around 7:00-7:20.  However, his reflux was really out of control about two months ago so I was actually holding him to sleep.  Now his reflux is under control, but I am sitting next to his crib for him to fall asleep.  Could my presence in the room when he initially falls asleep be why he can't resettle in the early a.m.?

He does sleep through most of the night, but wakes up around 4:00-4:45 for the day.  He doesn't wake up happy either.  Usually he whines a bit and starts saying down, down a million times!!  His new favorite word...he want to go down, downstairs.  I've tried getting him to go back to sleep, but no luck. 

The early wakings have prevented us from transitioning to one nap which is what I think he needs.  His a.m. nap is decent, but the afternoon nap is horrible.  He'll sleep for 30-40 minutes and then be EXTREMELY fussy for the next hour after he wakes up.

I'm just not sure what to do.  I think if we could somehow solve the early waking, we could get to one nice, long nap!  But with him getting up at 4:15-4:45...it's difficult to go on one nap!  Right now his usual awake time is about 4 hours.  Is that about right?  Should I start getting out of his room for him to fall asleep without me there?  Where do I start?  DH bought me BW for toddlers for Christmas.  I started reading it this week.

I appreciate any suggestions!!  thanks.

[elfin]

I would start by trying to work your way out of his room first.  You could gradually move your chair closer to the door until you are out completely.  This may have to sdo with the early wakings as he could be waking and looking for you.  So definitely get him falling asleep on his own and see if that clears up the early wakings.

[CW]

Hi there,

Have you thought about earlier bedtimes too?  It really helped us with those nasty early morning wakeups.  It seems counter-intuitive, but it worked.  Also, wake-to-sleep seems to have worked well for lots of moms on this site.  Basically, you go in about an hour before (so that means 3:45am!) and gently stir them, maybe just lay a hand on them.  Just enough for them to stir a bit.  Tracy goes into more detail in her book.  Look up "wake-to-sleep".

Good luck!
Francine

[imsmum]

What worked for us seems counter intuitive but actually pushing the morning nap back later helped.  This will also help you get to one nap.Just keep pushing the morning nap back by about 15 minutes every few days BUT keep the afternoon nap around the same time or else you'lll just get a later and later bedtime. By the time the morning nap is around 11 o'clock he should be having one long nap.  You will likely have to put him to bed very early at first--up to an hour.  While we have other problems (nightwaking)  we are down to one nap and usually a 7 pm wakeup (we were at 4:30 for a while!)  Good Luck!

[Alison_3]

Thanks for all of the replies.  I think I am first going to try an earlier bedtime.  He's been going to sleep around 7:15, I'll try 7:00, maybe 6:45.  Does that sound good?  I really want to get back to the days where I would snuggle, read a book or two, put him in his crib, leave the room and he would fall asleep.  This sitting next to his crib has got to stop!!

What would the best approach be?  He flips out right now if I am not right next to the crib.  I don't think moving closer to the door will work.  Should I just go out of the room and keep going back in?  How long do I stay out of his room?

I will work on keeping him up later for his morning nap too.  Something has got to change for everyone's sake!  Thanks again for all of your advice.  I really appreciate it!

[CW]

Hi Alison,

Yes, try the earlier bedtimes.  The time would more or less depend on how his afternoon went.  Right now, my DS naps from about 11:30am-1:30pm.  His bedtime is 6:30pm, and we start the process at about 6pm.  You can try it in 15 minute increments, or just bite the bullet depending upon how much sleep he's had that afternoon.

I wish I could give you advice about how to leave your son's room....I think the suggestion about a gradual exit makes the most sense.  I hope other ladies can offer up more ideas for you!

Good luck!
Francine

[Wilsmon]

Hope this won't get deleted but the gradual move out of the room is the Sleep Lady's "Shuffle" approach.  It can be pretty rough the first few nights (can take up to an hr or more) but don't make eye contact, pretend you are alseep.  After a few nights they figure out you are not going to pick them up and will go back to sleep.  If you leave the room you are doing more of a Ferber or CIO approach - which is what alot of other moms have decided works best, so it is up to you. 

We had the early morning wake up and frequent night wakings also.  If you want to PM me I will tell you what finally seemed to work for us (at least for now anyway!) since it is not a BW method.

[shines]

Hi!  Our DD is about 15 months.  We were going through the same thing 3or 4 weeks ago.  Actually, DD goes through phases of being a bad sleeper.  We've been getting her to bed earlier, too, and I'm thinking that's helped.  We start the process around 6:15 by getting into pajamas and reading.  Then dd likes a bottle or to nurse in the rocking chair in her room (more cuddle time).  Then when she's sleepy, but not asleep, I put her in crib and stand there for a minute or two with my hand putting gentle pressure on her back.  Then I quietly leave.  Now, before a few weeks ago, she would instantly bolt up as I left - so it took a while for it to be easy.  I did a version of Put-Down, by laying her back down, sitting in the rocking chair (by myself), and getting back up to put her down again.  This could go on a while, as you probably know.  I did this for a little over a week, maybe.  Then I graduated to (after trying several put downs) to saying "g'night little girl, time for bed" and leaving the room.  She would cry a little.  If more than 5-10 minutes I would go in.  The crying seriously only lasted 2-6 minutes.  Now she doesn't cry at all.  It's starting to work for naps, too.  And by crying, I don't mean whailing.  I might go in earlier if it's the whail type cry.  Think I'm rambling.  Good luck! 

One more thing, for the early wake ups, has your husband tried to go in and settle her back?  That sometimes helped for the early waking, rather than me.

[Alison_3]

Shawn-  thanks for the suggestions.  I'll definitely try starting our bedtime routine at 6:15.    He does jump up right away after I put him in his crib.  I've started during the day putting him in his crib to play while I put his wash away, straighten up his room, etc.  I thought maybe he wasn't liking his crib and since he's older, I rarely put him in it other than to sleep.  So far he actually like playing in his crib.  I actually found his little musical aquarium in the bottom of his closet and he likes to play with that!

This morning he work up at 4:50 and there was no way of getting him back to sleep.  When I go in his room, he wants out of his crib and out of his room.  I walked in, shut his door, and he flipped out.  So we started the day before 5:00 AGAIN! 

He wasn't too fussy and actually stayed up until 9:45.  I was all excited thinking that I've mananged to keep him up longer and that he'll take a nice long nap...well he barely slept for 40 MINUTES!!  And boy was he cranky after that!  He did nap for an hour this afternoon, but still he isn't getting enough sleep.

Well it's almost bedtime, tomorrow's another day, we'll see what time he wakes up tomorrow.  Keep your fingers crossed that it's at least after 5!  thanks again for all of your help!

[sacmommy]

I don't have any answers for you, but I'm going through those early mornings right now also. Just so you know you're not alone! I feel like we've tried everything in the book - ealier sleep time at night, later time for going down for naps, "wake-to-sleep", I don't know what else... but nothing's worked so far. I know sometimes though it helps to know you're not the only one sitting there with a wide-awake baby in the early morning! LOL

[Alison_3]

Thanks Rose-  it does help to know I'm not alone!  This morning he was awake at 4:20.  I went in his room and pretended to be asleep until 5:00.  He fussed a bit, but never really cried.  It's 7:00 and he's ready for his first nap.  I was all positive when I went to bed last night because he fell asleep at 7:05...

Maybe tonight will be better...

[shines]

Well, this am, Camryn was awake at 5:25.  I know, that's much nicer than 4:20 - but still too early.  I did nurser her and sit with her in rocking chair for about 20 minutes.  She seemed wide awake, but I put her in her crib anyway and told her she needed more sleep.  She whined for a few minutes after I shut the door, but then slept until 7.  I think she's getting used to me telling her she needs sleep and having me leave before she's asleep, because this never would have worked a few months ago (by the way, just realized Camryn's only 3 days older than your little one). 

Napping was not good today.  I tried keeping her up later (since she didn't get up until 7), but I think I waited too long.  I tried getting her to sleep at 11:20, and she wasn't having it.  I finally left her crying at 11:45, and by 12 she was asleep, but only for 45 minutes.  I think I shouldn't have waited so long to put her down.  Going to sleep tonight was harder, too.  I had to stay in there until she was asleep, and did lots of put-down in the crib.  I attribute it all to being over-tired from only one 45 minute nap.

Anyway, I say keep up with the earlier bed time - and try to be consistant in whatever you chose to do for 2 wks.  If your plan doesn't work after 2 wks, try a new version.  Good luck tonight!

[imsmum]

I know I'm posting this alot BUT we were able to solve our dd's early/night waking by this method.  If your baby is overtired FIRST try putting him down earlier.  If you have done this and he just WAKEs earlier it's probably because you are adjusting his am nap to his wakeup time not his bed time.  To get him to sleep in later you need to focus on moving the first nap time to 14.5 to 15 hours after his bedtime so in your case 9 to 10 am.  when you first do this keep the second nap time the same or close or else it will affect his bedtime.  This is obviously a process.  Once he gets well enough rested you may find things moving to one nap WHICH MAY CAUSE THE SAME THING TO HAPPEN!!  It did with us  but doing the combination of early to bed followed by pushing back the nap seems to be working although we're not quite there yet!  Good luck!