Advice needed for 19-month old!

[Dominic's Mom]

I am new to online forums and also new to BW. After gulping down her book, I have learned all about my subjective and accidental parenting and need help for my 19 month old son. I have done just about everything you’re not supposed to (':oops:'), and am gearing up to help my ds learn to sleep on his own as soon as I’ve got the plan worked out. I am a single mom, so I need to have as many details hammered out lest I crumble while helping ds with sleeping and nursing. My problem is with the technique, as my ds (of the Touchy type) has been co-sleeping as well as nursing himself back to sleep in the night. I don’t know how to approach these simultaneoulsy with the bedtime routine. Here’s what it has looked like for the last year or so:

My ds has recently taken a renewed interest in nursing in the daytime (irregularly), though only for quick snacks (I think this is more for comfort than thirst). About 2 1/2 months ago he refused his pacifier, and wants nothing more to do with it. At bedtime (7pm-ish) we read 2 books in a rocker, I have lullabies playing softly. I turn out the light so that it is almost completely dark, and he bf’s for about 15/20 minutes. Then he turns himself around and takes 5-10 min to fall asleep. I put him in his crib. About 1-2 hours later he wakes up and I nurse again until he is asleep. At this point I am ready for bed too and take him there with me. He wakes up anywhere between 3-6 times during the night, nurses and then flips over back to sleep. For naps it is the same as the above, or he goes to sleep with his grandmother out in the stroller or in the car (I started working full-time in September). He has never gone to sleep, or fallen back asleep, on his own in his crib for naps or nighttime.

I bought him a big-boy bed (he hasn’t seen it), and planned to sleep next to it on a mattress and gradually move out of the room (according to what I have read in the BW). I also plan for the P.U./P.D., and to get no sleep for a while. What I don’t know is several-fold: Should he be in the bed or crib? How do I handle the nursing during the bedtime routine as well as at night? Do I keep the bedtime routine bf-ing and refuse the night-time by doing the P.D.? How do I know when to start moving the mattress away from his bed?

Any comments would be helpful for this mum!

[sacmommy]

I would get him fully established in the crib for a long time before moving to a big bed, as he is used to sleeping with you and will have multiple problems I think sleeping in the bed. A great reference for moving away from co-sleeping and breastfeeding multiple times at night is the "no-cry sleep solution" by elisabeth pantley. She's got a very nice method for dealing with this type of situation.

[elfin]

I agree with Rose, that you should get him used to sleeping in the crib first.  Do you have Tracy's third book?  She deals alot with situations like yours in it.  I think that putting him in the crib and sleeping on a mattress on the floor beside him, as he is used to co-sleeping, is probably going to be your best bet.  There will be alot of crying involved, but only because you are changing the way he has always gone to sleep and he is confused.  It will take time and alot of patience and consistency on your part, but it will work!

Keep us posted!

[Dominic's Mom]

Thanks for the crib tip-- I had bought the bed because of what I read in Tracy's last book (i just ordered the toddler book), where she says to go straight to a bed and skip the crib if the baby has never slept in the crib. I figured that the occaisional nap and first hour at night didn't really "count" as far as being used to the crib, so I had planned to make the leap.

I'd also be interested in learning how best to deal with the constant nursing. I read the posting summarizing Pantley's method, which I like, but presumes co-sleeping (I don't know how her book differs). Also, I don't know whether to ds from nursing during the day, since this seems to be a big comfort mechanism for him. I don't think I have built the trust with him that Tracy so emphasizes in infancy, so I am also trying to work that approach into his daytime (especially through routine building).


so much for me catch up on...!

[elfin]

I think it is still fine to nurse him during the day, unless you're ready to wean him.  There is a thread in the breastfeeding forum that deals with extended nursing, so you may want to check there.  As for the feedings during the night, PU/PD will probably help, and you could get alot of advice for that on that forum.

[Dominic's Mom]

Thanks for pointing me to the forums. I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of the BW Toddler book, which I hope -together with the info here- will help me to get the day/pm plan set, and especially get me prepared for holding through for at least two weeks. There is so much involved in getting ds on track because of all the accidental parenting I've done: the frequent nursing (though I'm not so concerned about the daytime), getting him into his own crib, separation anxiety (thanks to how I've handled my leaving for work, I think), Touchy baby, single mom, and my own trust-busting. I feel like I need to be 200% set up to start the whole process and anticipate total chaos for a while.

I am so grateful for this website!

[elfin]

Good luck with it all, and remember we are all here to support you!