Please help us have no more 3 am wakings

[mango_baby]

My extremely spirited, touchy little one was taught using Tracy's put down method 6 months ago. I am not saying it didn't work,( although the first night he had a trantum for 3 hours) he actually began sleeping in his crib for lengths of time never before ( 1 hour naps instead of 20 min.) Night times were better too, I felt like a new woman when he didn't wake up every 40 min after putting him down. I stopped all night feedings until his wake up at about 6am. He still has always woken up at some point during the night. Now after 1 1/2 years of full night sleep I can count on one hand I need help!!!
I worked so hard 6 months ago, and little by little as I was so tired I began taking him out of his crib so I would not have to stand at his crib, with my back killing until he went back to sleep. I knew I was doing accidental parenting. I only did it a few times.But, of course at his age, 17 months, he quickly caught on. A couple of times I even nursed him I was so beside myself for sleep at night.
Now I am going back to put down and he is literally screaming for 3 to 4 hours straight. He is mad I won't take him out, tried to bite be, hit me, arches his back etc. I eventually end up in tears, despit always begining the episode remaining calm and telling myself i can make it through this, and maybe he will just setle back down.My partner cannot go, he has never even put him to bed (works 6am to 1030 pm) so if he does go my little one goes even more crazy. I have company in our home for the next 3 months and I feel bad for them right now too.
I understand things are going on right now for him, teething, seperation anxiety, etc. But I believe this has mostly to do with how stubbored natured he is. He will put up a fight and generally I can too. But now when its from 2 to 6 am I start to die out somewhere in the middle. This am it was 6 am and he hadn't eaten since 6 30 the night before, so out of pure exhaustion I nursed him and he went right back to sleep.

What on earth do I do. Do I completely changed around his bedtime routine, bath, books, milk, bed? should I give him milk before his bath. Is it okay to do a big change like that (especially when he is sooo sensitiveto any little change) Do I just keep doing this until he gives up? Should I do the timed leaving his room at bedtime is place of milk, or put down again? I need to sleep now and I need some help. Please.

Thank you,
Melissa

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Oh Melissa,I've been where you are,and all I did was cry as well
First of all can you let me know your routine,times and stuff for bed and naps.
You will get through this

[mango_baby]

Just reading your post makes me feel better.
Thank you so much
Wake anywhere from 530-630 (8 if we've had an all nighter)
Milk
830 breakfast
1030 snack
1200 lunch
1230 nap (we used to read books before, now we go right to bed after lunch    as he was too tired from transitioning from 2-1 nap)
200 wake milk
330 snack
5-530 dinner
630 bath, massage, book, milk
700 asleep ( he has usually drifted off by the time I put him in crib. For a long while I was doing PD but got frustrated with being therefor 1 hour. I alsoo have another son who has been pretty much dealing with no more mom!!)
I'd appreciate your thoughts and suggestions,

Melissa

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Looks pretty good to me.
It's nearly bang on what I did with Emily.I think from nap to bed she just got overtired.
Although I found that I had to bath her in the mornings because she would get a bit hyper.
Here's what I did
Put him to bed.When he cries,go in,lay him down,go out,count to 10,go in,lay him down,go out count to 10.
Repeat this until he's gone to sleep.Only go in if he's crying and if he's laying down but crying,then stroke his head once and go out.
The first night is the worst,although it took us 50 mins (normally 3 hours) then after that it just seemed to work,gradually go down to only counting once or twice.
Counting to 10 can be as long or short as you like eg,12345678910
or 1...........2................3...................4.....................5 etc.
For me,because I was in such a state anyway,I start doing pelvic floors and stomach and bum clenches to the count of 10 to take my mind off the crying,just something I think may help.

Please give it a go,it should work either when you put him to bed and during the night.You need to give it a good couple of weeks,although it worked with Emily from day 1
If you think it could be the fact that he just wants to be nursed,then offer him some water before you start this.He may be thristy.
Good luck :wink:

When you get down,just post a vent here or the lounge or couch or even pm me.You'd be suprised just how much support I got when I thought I couldn't cope any more

[mango_baby]

Sarah,
You gave me the exact practical advice I need. I will start asap.
I did just lay him in his crib for his nap and he cried and thrashed about, but with me there. I somehow feel I need to be there to help him along. But I am also so ready to just leave for those 10 sec.
Do I decrease the time ever, or do I count to ten, going in and out, all the way until he is asleep?
Also, with prior experiences of me leaving for a time out for me, he will always stand up. He will never remain laying down if I leave the room. I just go in either way always after 10 sec's right?
And when I go in I will lay him down and stroke his head for a very brief time then leave again?
sorry for taking your time. I just want to get it right.
And if you don't mind (sorry) to give your opinion about something I think, I"d appreciate it.
Roaen used to wake at about 5 am and stay awake (when he had two naps a day a couple months ago.So, naturally he was given milk at this time. At some point he began falling back asleep after milk, and of course I was all over that, so I would put him in his crib to sleep. If he had a good night sleep like last night 7-5am, I nurse him when he wakes up, naturally. I am wondering that if when he wakes up at 2 or 3 am if he, because it is just as dark out at that time than at 5 am, thinks he should get nursed then because that's what happens when he wakes (on a good night) What do you think about this? I'm scared for the answer because it may mean me standing there at his crib at 5 am. , which I dread, but what do you think?
Thank you,
Melissa

[mango_baby]

Sarah,
Sorry, but just a question about time.
First you said that the first night it took you 50 min usually 3 hours. What was usually 3 hours?
And I guess there's no way of knowing how long this will all take. I am hoping to do this fri sat sun, as my dh is at least home at 6 instead of 1030. I hope it will maybe only take 3 nights? But I suppose it just depends on him. How many nights until it was good for you, do you mind giving me some times for your situation.
I am dreaming of this day.

Thank you so much,

Melissa

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Soory Melissa,not been well.
Right,firstly with the counting to 10,only goes in when he cries,always lay him down,if he stands up straight away,don't worry,just carry on.I would stick to the 10 and not reduce the time.
When I said 3 hours for Emily,we're talking 3 + hours a night,just to get her to sleep,a mixture of CIO,stroking,shouting etc.
Until Henrysmama suggested this and I've never gone back.

I'm not good at advise from early wakings as Emily's normally up about 5am.She won't go back to sleep either.
When he does wake at 2 or 3 am,then if you know it's habit then do the counting,if you know he's hungry then you should feed him.
From other feedback I've had,it seemes to take about 3 days for it to drastically improve,then mainly just counting to 10 about 3 or 4 times for a while.
To answer the question about stroking his head for a while when you lay him down,just lay him down and do 1 stroke,not a slow sooting stroke,almost as if you're getting his hair out of the way (does that make sense)Just don't hang about in there.If he stands up as soon as you put him sown,don't touch him

HTH


(gotta massive headache,so will check back later)sorry

[mango_baby]

I am sorry you have a headache. That is hard when you have little one's to care or when all you want to go do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head. I hope it dissapears soon.
We are on out 2nd day of doing what you suggested at nap time. I am taking your suggestion to use this time to do a little excersizes and streaches. Wow, am I going to be in shape if this continues the way it is going now!!!! javascript:emoticon(':D')I am a bit worried though because his whole scedule is becoming crazy. It is 2pm now and he is usually waking up, yet he just fell alseep.
I am laying him down. leaving the room for 10, then laying him down again. Only 2 times did he not get up right away and I thought he was asleep, but he wasn't.
Now, we are beginning at 1230 and he deals with this new change quite decently for the first hour and a half. After two hours, he begins to absolutely loose it. His awake time is 6 hours, now he has been up for 8 and he can't cope. I am not sure about Emily, but when Roaen gets into this hysterical crying he cannot calm himself down. He needs my words and touch. So, after 2 1/2 hours doing the 10 sec. thing, I had to end up with my hand on his back. I quickly raised it and left the room. But I feel like I failed. All that time and I ended up being there anyways. S***.javascript:emoticon(':x')
He seems to get so involved in the getting up and crying for me he is never just laying there. How will he EVER fall asleep this way? I am just frustrated because I know that tonite he is going to be all would up since he is off schedule and he will also take 1 1/2 to go to sleep like last night.
Before I was in his room for 15 min.
I guess and hope it will get better.
Let me know if you have any thoughts.
Thanx,

 Melissa

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Sounds like it's doing something.
You know,when I say what happened with Emily,the fact that the first night was awful,the second better,then almost perfect,I'm sure people think I'm exagerating.
The singing with him on your shoulder while you're doing curtains etc sounds lovely so keep it up as long as you want,'specially for naps,then after a while,keep doing it while doing monitor,curtains but then put him straight in without walking about.May cut it down to 2-5 mins.
At this stage I think he'd miss the singing (and you) that's time just for the two of you.

I think you nursing him and putting him into the cot awake will help him to settle himself,see how you go,one thing at a time,also I don't think he will really need something between being sleepy on you to being in the cot.
I really can't tell you HOW clingy Emily was (and still is) she would pull at me and scratch me scream so much even if I went to the kitchen,toilet,anywhere.It really was amazing how this worked.
I still think all children are different though,so just keep an eye and if he gets too distressed,then you know how to soothe him in a matter of minutes.
You sound like you're doing a great job.I felt awful doing it to Emily,but in the end,she got quality sleep and was less overtired.
You should feel proud of yourself,you're a fab mum :wink: