Holding out for fruit

[LisaM]

My 20 month old dd has been a picky eater most of the time, however, right now she is at her worst so far.  Most nights now she takes one look at her dinner and asks to get down from her highchair.  I let her and try to be all casual about it, asking her from time to time, is she hungry does she want any dinner etc.  She just points to the fruit bowl, several times we have bribed her to eat say 6 spoonfuls and then she gets fruit.  Is this the wrong thing to do?  Last night we actually threw her dinner away in front of her as she wouldn't eat any of it and it was her bath time but I felt terrible with her going to bed without any food.  I have been trying to limit her snacking since she has been refusing her dinner and two other nights I have been in the process of throwing her dinner away and she has come running to eat it then.  My health visitor said not to offer her anything else as she will just get into the habit of refusing food and getting exactly what she will eat.  What do you all think is the best way to go about it?  She doesn't really like trying a lot of new stuff, won't eat chicken or anything on its own, in fact hardly eats any finger food as the only way I can get her to eat meat and fish is if its mashed up with veggies etc. 

Any suggestions would be great.
Thanks
Lisa

[{{{Angela}}}]

Usually Xavier is okay with eating his dinner before fruit, but on some occasions, he won't eat anything and just points to the counter behind him and asks for fruit (we keep it hidden until it's dessert time).  I have found that if I let him have fruit, he'll eat a bunch of it and then start eating everything else!  This happened today at lunch - he wouldn't eat his pasta, chicken or peas, and demanded watermelon.  So I gave him some (while keeping the other stuff on the tray), and he ended up eating everything and more.  It's almost like he wanted to make sure there was watermelon for him and that he would be able to eat at least some of it (i.e. not get too full from the main course).  It's reassurance for him at there always will be fruit and he'll always get to eat as much of it as he wants.  I don't know if this would work with your DD though; you know her best and don't want her to end up eating only fruit at every meal.

I have a book called Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense that I bought because Xavier can be a picky eater and he is really skinny and doesn't eat much.  The author says that if you limit a type of food (let's say, fruit) then the child becomes obsessed with it and always wants to eat it because he/she is worried that the limits will be imposed at any time.

This probably isn't much help.  Is this happening only at dinner?  Does she get fruit at other meals or snacks?  Someone else probably has better suggestions for you.

[Noni]

Hi Lisa,

I have had the same on going problem with my 19mth old.  She has been quite picky from about 12 months.  The first 6 mths after that I just tended to give her what she wanted, because I didn't want her waking up in the night hungry.  For her that's bread, fruit, cheese, etc.  However, I have another baby on the way (due in 7 weeks) so the last 3 weeks or so I haven't given in to her.  I feel like I have to get things on track now and don't want her dictating to me what she wants.  I try to stick to things I know she likes or variations of.  However, I have stopped giving her anything else if she refuses the meal.  Most of the time she still ends up eating a little of it before bed (or often ALL of it), but sometimes goes down with nothing but her milk.  She hasn't ever woke up because of this. 

I would love to hear from any mothers who have been successful at this though?  Will this go on for years to come.  Because even though I just get her down and we go play, I still feel tremendous stress about her eating.  She is a healthy girl and is above average height and weight.  I just wonder whether I am doing the right thing.  I just find that I can't make another meal for her all the time or search for things out of the pantry that she'll eat. 

[GraceKellysmom]

What I learned with my first one is that food fights and potty training fights are just not worth it. We can't make them do something they don't want to do. And I want my kids to have healthy attitudes about food so I'm not going to make them eat something they don't want to.

What I found with my first one is that her eating habits changed slowly and at one point 'little miss picky' started wanting to try new things. Until then, I fed her what she would eat, as long as it was healthful.

My little guy, #2, is now 18 months old. He eats bread, yogurt, and fruit. He has just started willingly eating chicken nuggets if I give him catsup to dip them in. If I offer something, he sweetly shakes his head and says "No" in a way I know he honestly doesn't want to try it, and I don't force the issue. I know that he will come around, he will decide to try new things eventually. Until then, he is getting plenty of breads, yogurts, fruits, milk, and vitamins. He is growing fine and exceeding his developmental milestones. He is fine.

My advice as a mother of two would be to not fight this fight. Wait it out. Don't bribe with food. Don't bribe with something else for food to be eaten. Look at the whole day's nutrition instead of one meals worth. And look at the whole weeks nutrition instead of one days.

HTH! 

[Noni]

So, even though you cook a meal for them and they don't eat a bite, you just give the fruit and the other stuff anyway?  I am so confused on what to do.  My DD seesm to be refusing everything I cook for her these days, besides pizza, pasta, hummous by the spoonful, bread, fruit any way, shape, or form, cheese,etc.  I don't want the stress anymore.  So, do I just give her these things and just keep trying the others till one day she maybe tries?  I always thought they should have a variety of foods offered at this age so their tastes develop, but what if they don't want a variety?

[GraceKellysmom]

Yep, I just feed them what I know they'll eat. For example, we had a casserole for lunch today I knew Grace would eat it but Max wouldn't. So she ate it and he ate yogurt, a cereal bar, and grapes. I offered him bites off my plate and he shook his head and politely (for an 18-mo-old) said "no".

For lunches during the week, I fix them what I know they will eat. I might try something new once in a while (I hate the expense and throwing away food they won't eat), and always offer a bite of what I'm eating.

I really promise it does get better. Grace will eat almost anything now, or at least try it. I like to think it is because she trusts me, knows I won't force her or make her eat something she doesn't want to. And she surprises me by liking things I don't like!

[Noni]

Thanks for the advice.  I have let her decide the last couple days and have had no headache.  It is not that she likes a lot of junk, so it's not that bad.  I have even opened the fridge a couple times and let her pick out what she wanted.  Grabbed an apple sauce and cheese and ate it along with a sandwich I made.

I think I will just go with the flow the next couple weeks and see what happens.  It can't get worse than what it is now.  I just run out of ideas when she doesn't like that much!

[GraceKellysmom]

LOL, Grace would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day for lunch if I'd let her. And most days I do.  Toddlers thrive on regularity, on given things they can count on. Food is one of those things.

[Hunter & Sithia's mom]

I find that although Hunter is not picky at all ... except that he refuses to try yogurt and does not like cheese ... he likes certain things better than others.  He loves fruit, any kind it seems and any way.  So, he gets fruit and a carb for lunch, sometimes with a sandwich but he prefers just bread or crackers.  He drinks 3 8oz bottles usually a day, so I know that his protein is good with what he has for supper ... if he decides to eat it.  Some days he eats like a horse, others, he barely touches the protein on his plate.  If I get super worried, I give him rice with peas and carrotts which he loves and he gets three food groups right there.  We have decided not to worry.  He snacks when I and dh snacks (fruit, sandwiches whatever) and he eats well MOST days.