11 month okd won't sleep more than 2 hrs

[feefeelucy]

hello, I've just joined, I'm getting desperate, my 11 month old son hardly sleeps, i know he is very overtired( when he was born he wasn't very well and spent a week in special care where he was tube fed every two hrs, and continued to feed every two hrs for about 4 months). He gets up about 9.00am has a some bottle and then breakfast about 10.00am, he has lunch about 12.30pm his dinner about 5.30pm and bottles when he wants then throughout the day he usually eats a couple of rusks as well. Most nights he is awake till 11pm sometimes later if he goes down any earlier he only sleeps 30Min's, he usually wakes 3-4 times in the night crying/screaming, he will usually feed once about 2.30am. Some days he will take a nap anywhere between  1-2.30 hrs, i try to calm him down and get him to sleep,as he shows signs of being tired throughout the day eg. rubbing his eyes, but he just wriggles off me and onto to floor to crawl and play, he seems very excited about being independent, when he does go to sleep it is nearly always in my arms, although he will nap when out in the pram and a drive in the car always works, but he always wakes when taken out of the car( spent many an hour driving about so he will get a sleep), he will only sleep in our bed refuses to go in his cot, just starts screaming, i have been told on many occasions by friends and family to get tough and leave him to cry, but i can't, he is a very happy contented wee boy who rarely cries, only when sleeping or trying to go to sleep, i have just found out that i am pregnant again and over the moon about it, but would like to try and get my son sleeping better and in his cot before the new baby comes along, any advice, suggestions would be greatly appreciated

[mum of 2]

Hi there,

I know exactlly how you feel.  My daughter is 12 months and does exactlly the same thing!  Wakes up many times through the night and wont settle unless I give her a bottle or drink of water (sometimes try both) then she will go off after a fight in my arms but as soon as I put her in her cot shes up and angry and wide awake but cranky and rubbing her eyes etc.  Eventually after pick up put down 10 times or so she cries herself to sleep in the cot (not that I leave her crying for ages).  Then again a couple of hours later she wakes up and its the same again!  It can take me up to 40mins to get her back off to sleep each time she wakes.  My LO Ellie, also had a bad start, she had gastro reflux and although it is getting a lot better now she has been in and out of hospital in the past and tube fed.  I take her to see a consultant gastroentiologist every month to keep on top of her reflux. 

The problem I have is that I think that Ellie has had so much attention in the past that she has got used to it.  But because of her reflux and risk of choking in the night I have allways slept with one ear open ready to rush in, to prevent this.  I have even had a bed in her room for me to sleep in so that it would be easier to settle her (when your that sleep deprived you will do anything),  I know that this wasn't the best thing because now shes got too used to my attention.  Ive tried pick up put down, leave to cry for a while.  Everything that I can think of to set a routine.  I even bath her with lavendar and camomile (Johnsons) etc...... but still she wakes up every night.  I know im not helping you much by not being able to give you advice to help you but at least you know your not on your own!  Ellie is having plenty of food in the day so I think shes waking out of habit rather than being hungry.  The other thing is that if I leave her to cry she will do just that..... and wont stop, she will just get louder and more annoyed which will make things worse for me because she will become more awake and harder to settle.  So if any advice guys please go ahead im desperate and getting depressed.

xxxx Alison

[Lucysmom]

Hi there Feefeelucy -

Congratulations on your pregnancy!  So let's get your first one sleeping well so that you can do night feeds with your second one!   

It sounds like your child has never learned how to fall asleep independently. Do you have Tracy's book The Babywhisperer Solves All Your Problems?  If not, run out and get yourself a copy!   

In order to teach him how to fall asleep on his own, doing pick up/put down is probably the way to go.  It is described in the book.  I would check out the pick up/put down boards and also take a look at the Sleep Interview posted on the first page of each forum (it is the same one on each forum).  There is lots of great info in the Sleep Interview and tons of detail about the pick up/put down technique.  I have not done pick up/put down but many others have and will be able to offer you advice and support.  There will be crying with this technique but you will not be leaving him alone to cry. You will be right there and he will not feel abandoned. 

My daughter just woke up (daddy is hammering right outside her window  ) so must run.   

[Katet]

You've got some good advice there. The thing to remember is a baby learning to fall asleep is like being a tourist in a strange city, without a guide or at least a map, you will normally get pretty lost & very frustrated, esp if you keep going different ways. So with a baby, they learn to go to sleep one way & if that changes, well they are completely lost, so we need to guide them what ever way we want them to go & CONSISTENTLY do the one way. If you are rocking a baby to sleep at bedtime, they aren't going to be able to go back to sleep in the middle of the night without that rocking, unless of course you let them cry it out (not recommended here as it really does break their trust in you & confuses them too)

feefeelucy - So to achieve the objective of him sleeping in his own cot, you really have to pass through some hard yards yourself... you have to create a setting that you will consistently use to get him to sleep... PU/PD is a good one. Then you need to be consistent about it 100% of the time, EVERY time you go back to the old ways you are being unfair to your lo, as you are "changing the rules" As he appears to be VERY overtired, maybe look at offering 2 sleeps a day (my ds#1 was still on 2 sleeps until 21 months & the average age of moving to one is about 15months) & in your mind saying it is going to take me an hour (or more) to get him to sleep, but I am teaching him a new skill, that I need him to learn.


Alison As mentioned above leaving her to cry is just that, it won't make her go back to sleep... also her need for you isn't about attention, she is too young to have that brain capacity, all she knows is she needs help with getting her need met, she can't do what she needs on her own. Once again, I think she hasn't really learnt to go to sleep independently & using a mix of Pu/pd & letting her cry & letting her fall asleep in your arms her has created confusion as to what she should be doing to get to sleep... I am not an expert on PU/PD, as never really needed to do it since I discovered BW, but the PU/PD thread has some great information on it & also people who can advise as it sounds to me like you aren't quite getting it working as it should be...

hang in there both of you it can get better, you just need to be persistant, consistent & have lots of patience.