Even before our baby Anna was conceived I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my future babies. There was no doubt in my mind, I knew there was nothing more natural and wholesome than mother’s milk. I was very strongly set on breastfeeding and planned to nurse for one year. When I was pregnant with Anna I wanted to be well prepared and attended breastfeeding classes at my hospital. Now, I still remember that the main part of this class was devoted to weaning and it was an early weaning for mothers returning to work at 6 weeks postpartum.
I gave a birth and had my Anna in my arms. She was latched on my breast within half an hour from birth. In the morning I had a lactation consultant visit me and see the latch. I remember that latch was not too bad, however, Anna disliked my left breast. She wanted to nurse only from the right one. I tried her in all possible positions and she wouldn’t suckle or she was crying. I couldn’t take her crying and I would always put her at my right breast to get some food into her. Soon, we were back home and there it became apparent that she had a really strong prefference for my right breast. I was still trying for the first 2 weeks to have her suckle on both and pump the left one but as time went on, I decided that it was a burden for me to pump and keep the left one available for her when she clearly didn’t want it. I decided to dry my left breast and it took me 3 months.
I have always had an excellent milk supply, I was letting Anna on my breast whenever she wanted and she was able to stimulate this only one breast to produce heaps of milk, I think, at some point I had an oversupply. Honestly, at the beginning, I was clueless, in spite of the classes I attended. My nipples were sore but it was never an issue for me, I would not consider giving up and offering formula to my baby. Then, I still didn’t have such knowledge as I have today about benefits of breastmilk vs formula but I wanted to continue. I received in a mail and from my pediatrician (who was supposed to be supportive of breastfeeding) some samples of formula but I didn’t have an intention to try them at all. I felt tempted only once. In the evenings my baby wanted to nurse almost non-stop, I worried that I had no milk because she was fussy and if I tried to pump, I was getting nothing. I haven’t known then that this is the time of the day when the supply is at its lowest and that instead of stressing out I should have had more rest and drink more fluids. I was miserable thinking that my baby was maybe starving and I was forcing her to suckle an empty breast. Formula cans were just there, to be opened and served but I believed that it would be the end of something. I am lucky that I perservered, I managed to work through this and soon our evenings were much better. Little did I know about supply and demand dynamics and I can see now that our successful nursing experience can be attributed to my instinct only, as I had nobody to help and support me or offer any knowledgable advice.
At some point, I realized I became really interested in breastfeeding in particular. I started reading books that were specifically written on that subject. I usually like to have a very good knowledge of something I am doing, this refers to my other hobbies and passions in life, too. So, suddenly, breastfeeding became a passion, something I wanted to talk about to other people and share some of my knowledge and excitement about it.
When my Anna was around 8 months old, I realized that my original plan to nurse her till her first birthday was not good enough. When she was born, I couldn’t even imagine how it would look like in a year and 12 months seemed like an eternity, so I couldn’t even predict what would be her needs at that age and what would be my feeling about it. However, as her first birthday was coming closer, I reflected that there was no chance that I would want to wean her. I knew that nursing was a part of our special relationship and that this meant a lot for her. It became even more apparent in her second year, when my milk was not any longer a main source of her nutrition (she is an excellent eater, she eats tons of regular foods) but remained an excellent source of comfort for my beautiful and always curious toddler. While her first year nursing was more for food, second year seems to be more about reconnecting with mom, comfort and getting away from busy life. I am not saying she is not getting her nutrition from me anymore, in fact she gets probably up to 50 percent of her daily food intake from my breast, but it looks like she shifted, she developed a new attitude towards my breast. As a newborn she nursed for twenty minutes, two months later she became an efficient feeder and needed only 5 minutes total to satisfy her hunger but fed more often, probably every 2.5 hours but without regularity. Even with an introduction of solids which happened at 7 months she still wanted to nurse frequently. At 12 months, her nursing sessions started to increase slightly in time, and it became apparent that she needed them to process life and things happening to her. It was a very touching moment for me when she learnt to show when she wants to nurse, by pointing at my breast and showing me our nursing spot.
Tomorrow is Anna's second birthday and she is still interested in nursing. I am going to continue for as long it is convenient for me and for her.
