He won't eat!

[Charlies_mom]

Well, I am logging on to this site for the first time after a two hour eating battle with my 16 month old.  I just found out that Tracy died over a year ago!  I am devastated.  I don't think I would have gotten through the first three months of my son's life without her book!

Anyway, I am writing because my son hates food.  He gets hungry but only wants specific items.  Of course nothing that is healthy for him!  I have no friends that can relate and they all say my kid went through that for a week and it was just teething.  Well this has been going on with Charlie for 6 months!!!!!  I am tired and feel I have lost the battle.  I have no idea where to go next.  My doctor isn't too concerned because he continues to grow, but I know it is just due to milk and cereal bars, etc.  I feel everything he eats besides milk has corn syrup in the first three ingredients!  He will not eat veggies, the only fruit he eats is banana and that is only every once in a while.  He will not eat from our plates or what we are serving for dinner.  I basically want to know if ANYONE out there can relate and if so how are you handling it?  I have just broken down and admitted defeat, but I don't want my child to grow up with poor eating habits.  Help! ~Gretchen

[evan's mom]

Well, unfortunately I don't have any advice for you, but I can definitely empathize.  My son used to be a decent eater (back in the baby food days), but since he turned 2 (he will be 3 in May) he won't eat much at all.  He drinks a ton of milk.  But NEVER a single vegetable!!!  He can eat mac & cheese every day, and that is the only think I can regularly count on!!!   The rest of the time it's hit or miss with some fruit, chicken strips, whole wheat toast, etc.  VERY limited options though.  He is very small and skinny (but always has been).  It is so frustrating, but I tend to just let it go.  I offer healthy options all day long, but he usually says No.  I can't and won't force him to eat, so I feel helpless.  He is extremely energetic, happy, and never gets sick though.  I try my best to just count my blessings and not worry too much.  Hope it helps that at least you know you are not alone.

[tylersmommy]

Gretchen-

16 mo is still plenty young, so if you're ready to commit to changing his eating habits, it can certainly be done. Remember that you set the example...if DS sees you eating junk food, he's going to want it too. I'm not saying you have to change YOUR diet, just be mindful that he's always watching. Yes, DH and I eat junk, but not in front of Tyler. Sneaky, yes, but it works for us. Treats are fine, but they should be just that...treats. Once you've changed his habits, there's nothing wrong with an occasional treat. All things in moderation!

My best advice to you is to always offer 2 choices, and make both of them healthy. Make one or both of them something he likes. If he insists on something unhealthy, don't give it to him. You're likely to get some tantrums, skipped meals, etc, but you can only change his habits if you hold your ground. At that age, you control WHAT he eats. He may well decide he'd rather not eat, but it will probably only take a few skipped meals for him to catch on. Remember that healthy kids don't starve themselves...if he decides to make it a battle of wills and go on a hunger strike, shrug and move on. He will eat eventually.

Tyler goes through non-veggie phases, but I don't make a big deal out of it or insist he eat something he doesn't want. I do sneak veggies into him at every opportunity. If you can give me an example of some of the things he eats, I'd be more than happy to help you find ways to get veggies in there!

[NikiB]

You are SO not alone! My daughter is just over 12 months and food has always been my bugbear! I get really frustrated if she doesn't eat the amount I think she should. One way I've dealt with this is to check out whether I have the right information about how much she should have.....I'm probably trying to give too much, plus I agree with the others, you have to let it go and accept when they've had enough. Children very rarely die of self-induced starvation (at this age obviously) and as long as your LO is healthy, sleeping well (or doing what they always have done) and is growing then use that as evidence that you're doing ok. I went to see my friend yesterday who ahs a 2 year old son and all he eats is cheese scones, cereal bars and soya yoghurts....he doesn't do fruit or veg, so she gives him vitamins daily and encourages carbs and protein in food. So don't think you're alone and just continue to offer a healthy option, you never know one day your LO might try it! 
Niki

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Nope you are so not alone, my dd has been doing it for 4 months now, she is on her own restricted diet, though I am seeing improvements very slowly. For 2 months she only ate, weetabix,plain yogurt with fruit puree and ready brek. I kept trying and I make lunch time our trial time. Then she slowly added meatballs- homemade- for lunch, I was having some and curiosity finally got the better of her, then she finally added pasta to the meat balls. She ate this for about 6 weeks every single day. Then she stopped! Other things I have managed to get her to eat is chiken and fish, sliced thinly dipped in egg and breadcrumbs and fried and cut into bite size pieces, again something she will eat with me, but there are loads of days when she will refuse this so I leave it for a while then try again a few days later. I also made quiche with chicken, ham, v strong cheddar and pureed cauliflower (disgusting) but she ate it! Today  I made mini pizza with tomato, mozarella, tomato and turkey, she ate it though a few days ago she spit it out. She also started to eat tiny bits of ham cos the guy in the supermarket gave her a taste one day but again it really depends on her moods. She has 2 natural yogurts with fruit puree a day and has ready brek with milk for her dinner cos I know she  will eat it, I don't worry so much at lunchtime though I still frequently tear my hair out, she is getting no veg and wont drink anything except maybe 2 oz of milk during the day,she will also eat crackers or "cake" but I always give plain water or cream crackers as I know if she got sweet biscuits she would love them.
The only thing I can say is keep offering something new, it's tiring and depressing to cook and have it refused but hopefully it will eventually work. I would give something liked for dinner and try to make sure it's reasonably healthy.

[santiagosmum]

My son is just the same and has been like this since he was one (he is 2 now). He goes to nursery 3 days a week and he sees other children eating and he'll just sit there, with his food in front of him, waiting for the pudding to arrive.  Sometimes he won't eat for a week and then he'll start eating again and he'll finish everything.
I used to worry a lot (and I'm sure he sensed it)  but now I try not to and it works because his eating is much better. If he doesn't want to eat that's fine and he'll have to wait until the next meal (I usually try to have the next meal earlier if he skipped one).  Also, if he hasn't been eating I only offer healthy snacks between meals.   He sill isn't the best eater and won't eat vegetables but he has improved so much and is eating more variety of foods.

[mumofone]

Gretchen {{hugs}} you sound at the end of your tether with this.  My ds is almost 2yo and is a pretty good eater.  He's not keen on veggies though and loves chips (or fries depending where you are).  Don't know if it makes any difference, but I try to sit and eat with my lo.  When he is having something new he seems to notice if we are watching him and teases us by putting his food nearly in his mouth then laughing and putting  it back on his plate.  I tend to ignore him as much as possible and just show that I am eating my dinner and enjoying it.  Dh has a harder time with this and wants to verbally encourage him to eat.  He has gone through stages of eating nothing but toast and yoghurt.

I don't suppose any of that really is helpful to you.  I know it is really frustrating when you are trying to do your best to feed them well and they sabotage your efforts.  If ds refuses to eat something I usually leave it at that and then a few days or maybe weeks and try it again.  Also one day he will eat something another day he won't touch it.  You know though I don't think that 16 mo of age is that old and their little taste buds are still getting going.

It's easy for me to say don't worry (and I am the biggest worrier in the world), but if your ds is healthy in every other way then don't take it too much to heart and try not to make a battle out of the dinner table.  If you are still worried - and you know your own child best - then go back to your dr. or get a second opinion.  Don't forget we are all here in the same boat with some problem or another, so don't feel isolated with this.  Hope things get better for you soon.

[Mum to cool dude]

I've made a conscious decision not to get uptight when DS doesn't hardly eat, it doesn't help him and it doesn't do me any favours either. What seems to sort of help is:

- starting the meal with a favourite food (yoghurt) and giving DS a spoon to feed himself (messy, but who cares !)
- spooning the meat & veg or whatever in between his feeding himself
- putting a couple of finger foods on the tray for him to help himself or not

I feel that a lot of the unpleasantness we had before was before DS felt he had no control over his meals

Distraction (TV, having meals in public places) works too, although some people would disagree

At the first sign of DS having had enough, I take him out of the highchair. If he's not hungry, I would try later

[olliesmom]

hey there,

i saw your post and i can see you are getting a lot of support.  i agree about the shock of learning that tracy had passed.  i was devastated!  i also would not have gotten through the first 3 months with my daughter without the book. 

anyway, re: your post, i have 2 incredibly picky eaters and i recently found something that has really been helping.  i found it on amazon.  it is a DVD called "it's time to eat" by a company called tinyguides.  it's supposed to inpire kids to eat new things b/c the kids on the DVD are having such fun with food and eating and enjoying.  my kids love it.  my son (18 months) has tried several new fruits/veggies and meatballs since watching it a few times.  i've read that kids need to be exposed to a food 10-15 times until they try it if they are picky, so i've used the DVD to inspire me to keep showing them and offering them the same good foods and then eventually they try them b/c the kids on the DVD are really enjoing them. 

thought that might help you.  you can find it on amazon, or they might even sell it at their website.  the comany is called tinyguides.

let me know how you do.

-OM