Frustrated with sh/pat and naps...I give up

[jsorrow24]

This is all just so frustrating for me. I don't have the patience to do the sh/pat with my 5 week old. I keep trying and then I just cave in. I try to sh/pat when he is in the crib. Doesn't work a bit. I am putting him down after wind down, you know the sleep cues of yawning come first then I pull the blinds and we sit for about 5 minutes then I put him in the crib. What happens next is all out crying...shh/pat as long as I can stand it. Then I pick him up and quiet him down, put back down. The cycle continues. I know pu/pd is not supposed to be used on baby's until after 3 months....but what else do I do??? I thought it worked this morning...he slept for about 20 minutes then right back up. Did pu/pd down for a little bit he went back to sleep for another 30. Seemed to work then. But then for his second nap no such luck. Now I feel back to square one. I have my 3 year old daughter who is with me and it's been hard to give her attention and spend time being diligent with all these methods during the day.

I hate nap time. For me there is no Y.

[SandyGal]

You are not alone... I have a two year old and shhhh/pat was extremely difficult for us. I finally realized that although I did have some success with it, my lo found it quite stimulating. I ended up graduating to just putting my hand on his back and saying shhhhhhh (he sleeps on his tummy). After a while, I just held back and watched him. He would cry a little, but settled down to sleep pretty quickly on his own (this was around two months). Before that, I did whatever worked... for a while it was holding him with the paci until he fell asleep and then I put him in the crib. He would stir, but then go back to sleep. I also held back at night instead of getting him at his first stirring. I figured, at least he was getting used to sleeping in his crib and that perhaps I would just have to wait until he was older (I think PU/PD is a little easier than shhhh/pat in my experience... probably because the baby is older)I think by letting him do that he gradually learned to fall asleep on his own. It is much more difficult when you have a toddler... you have to do what is right for everyone and you are right... there is little or no time for Y. Since ds tends to be on the touchy side, shhhh/pat is just too stimulating for him. I wish I could be of more help. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. We do the best we can... parenting two means a bit of compromise. If you can get help for a solid chunk of time... someone to play with your daughter while you work with the lo, it might help. Otherwise, don't beat yourself up about it... you are doing the best you can do and sleep training is a gradual process. If not now... then maybe later. Do what you are capable of and don't try to be "perfect". That's just my very tired two cents worth 

[jsorrow24]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words...I do have a little perfectionism too me and I know that's why this is so frustrating for me. I agree...I am just doing now whatever it takes. I use the paci, rocking, holding, standing in the laundry room with the dryer going. Ssh/pat only works if I am holding him...it does calm him down. But when he starts crying in the crib it doesn't do a thing when he is crying. It has worked some when he is slightly awake from sleeping and it puts him back, but for the start of nap times it does not work. I have to hold him til he is asleep.

My dd usually stays with my aunt, but on days she has preschool I pick her up so my dh doesn't have to drive all the way back to the sitters and then back to work. But I told him today that I really need him to pick her up so I can have some me time whenever our ds does sleep.

I just want to enjoy my ds and it's really hard sometimes.

Thanks again.

[sadnewmom feeling better]

I'm in the same boat with my 8 week old.  I just put up black out curtains...which seem to help recreate his night time sleep environment (we have good nights).  I'm also eliminating all stimulation: television on in the background, any toys that buzz, bounces, lights up for 3 days, as BW suggests, to see if that is the problem.  All activity is limited to observing the environment, listening to me talk and sing and watching my face, and sometimes I hold up one or two toys (nothing too bright or exciting).  I know people say this is dumb because you make a baby that can only live in totally quiet environment, but guess what?  I've been doing things the other way for the past 8 weeks, just to see him fuss at his toys, fuss at naps, etc.  So at a certain point you have to accept the baby (I can't sleep with the TV on or people talking either).  I know it is harder when you have younger children, but maybe that is something to try.  My baby doesn't respond to shush pat either...I'm just working on getting as much daytime sleep out of him as I can, so the evenings aren't too tough.  When all else fails, I stick him in the papasan cradle swing, which turns him off like a light switch.  I figure, by the time he outgrows the weight limit, he'll be old enough to do PU/PD.   Good luck!

[SandyGal]

We need to remind ourselves that learning to sleep in a gradual process. I'm trying to redefine my daily successes. If I try to think of success as a nap that is longer than 45 minutes, I'm setting myself up to feel like I failed. But, if I define success as giving my baby the 3-4 opportunities he needs to take naps, giving a shot at making the short nap a bit longer (for me it is mostly holding back at this point and letting him settle himself... occasionally I go in if it sounds like he is really waking himself up and pick him up, tell him it is time to sleep and put him back down) and then moving on to the next thing if it doesn't work. He is getting there. Most of the time he settles quite quickly for his naps and now he is taking quite a few naps that are extended. I've been working at his naps gradually since he was about two months old. Before then, I really did whatever worked with the addition of trying to hold back before rushing in to him when he is stirring even if he made a couple of phantom cries and getting his napping environment consistent... in the crib... dark room. I really think this is something that is going to take time  and patience on my part. He'll get there when he can. I'm going with my current plan for a while longer to see how consistent his naps will become as he gets older. Remember that babies work on their night time sleep first and then work to organize their daytime sleep between 3-6 months. If I'm still dealing with napping issues when ds is 5.5-6 months I think I will try wake to sleep to extend the naps and after that my next strategy will be to try PU/PD again because I did have a little success with that now that he is older. Hang in there ladies. We'll get there.

I try to get my toddler involved with something, a book, a toy, playing in mommy's room while I settle the little one. We then stick by just in case I need to go back into his room to help. He does fuss abit going to sleep now some of the time. Unless he really cries I leave him to it on his own. When he really cries I go in and have tried two things... feeding him a bit because he doesn't normally carry on like that unless he's hungry or I think I have really timed this nap wrong. In that caseI  get him up for some low key time (looking out the window, while I tell him what is out there) and back down in a bit. I started with shhhhh/pat, went to hand on the back with shhhhh/ then just quiet hand on back and then just standing with him. That doesn't mean he didn't cry... he did, but I was there telling him time to sleep and eventually he did it. Now I'm to the point where I put him down and leave (though I sometimes stay and watch because I know I'm not going to be able to do that much longer. So... my naps are in place, he settles himself... now he just needs to make it over the 45 minute mark and we are just now starting to see some success with that at 4.5  months old. I keep telling myself it can really take up until six months to get this down.

I really hope for all of you that when you get your lo's sleeping independently that your napping will be peaceful and long and that you will get some time for you as well and that you never have to conquer the 45 minute nap.

Sandy