6 m/o crappy napper getting worse. HELP (v.long, sorry)

[stacymatt]

I've done a lot of research here and in books and i've read all the how-to's and such but i need real personal help.

the facts:

My dd is almost 6 months old and she's a champ at sleeping through the night.  We've been working on extending her bedtime from 6:30 to about 7:00 or 7:30 b/c I don't get home from work until then and she's done pretty well at adapting.  Now I come home from work, nurse her, then talk to her, change her into her pj's and put her down, usually awake but groggy.  I dreamfeed her before i go to bed around 10pm and then she wakes up at 5:30am (i know that sounds early to some people, but it works perfectly with our schedule b/c i have to leave for work pretty early) and i nurse her and get ready for work, then nurse her again at 7am before i leave.

She sleeps in her crib with sound machine on low (even for naps) and the shades down but during the day, even with the shades down, its still very light in her room.

history:

the elf (that's what we call her) has been a great night sleeper since about 6 weeks old but she's never been great at napping.  we've consistently gotten a good 8:30am nap from her that usually lasts about 45 min to 1 hr 15 min but in the last weeks she's decreased that to about 35 minutes.  AND SHE WAKES UP CHATTY AND HAPPY!! no crying at all.  This unfortunately is not the case for her afternoon naps....she cries on and off for about 15 min before she falls asleep and then she only sleeps for about 30 minutes. 

we don't really do set nap times. we usually try to put her down when we see her sleep cues (the nanny does too) but she's been staying up a lot longer between cat naps than she used to.  she used to be awake for about 2 to 2 1/2 hrs and then go down for a nap which would last about 45 min or so but now she's not even doing those naps anymore.  And the later in the day it is the more fussy she is when we try to get her to nap in her crib.  The nanny has taken to holding her in her arms to get her to sleep but i don't want to establish bad nap/sleep habits so before that happens i need suggestions as to how to change this.

I've also noticed that elf hasn't been taking as many naps (usually 4, sometimes 5 short ones) this last week.  I think she's dropped one of the naps she was taking.   

She also doesn't respond well to pu/pd.  once you pick her up, she's up for good - whether she's crabby or happy.  And she's now taken to fussing/crying when we lay her in her crib to nap OR when she sees me walk away from the crib.  It doesn't usually last long but she does cry a little.

solutions

So i don't know what to do?  Do i let her cry it out for 45 minutes and hope she falls asleep?  (and let me tell you she doesn't just cry, its an all out scream fest)  I can't pu/pd b/c she doesn't do well with that.  Do i set the alarm for 30 minutes and go in and help her fall back asleep?  if so, how do i do that?  she doesn't usually fall asleep with rocking or bouncing but sometimes she will if the nanny gives her a bottle. 

CONFUSED AND DAZED.

[Colesmom]

Hi,

(((Hugs))) to you. I went through a LONG training process with my DS so I know exactly what you are going through. I have several things to suggest to you.  I just hope I can get them all down before my lo wakes. 

1) To start, your lo is not getting enough night sleep.  She should be getting close to 12 hours and is getting closer to 10.  The reason she is waking at 5:30 is because she is overtired.  Overtired babies tend to wake earlier than they should.  I am going to assume that you simply cannot put her down earlier or try to have her sleep later since you've mentioned your work schedule.  Ideally you would have her down no later than 7 and have her up no earlier than 6 but we'll see if we can improve her day sleep to make up for it.

2)  6 month old babies can stay up around 2 hours before needing a nap.  Typically, most babies prefer a shorter first awake time.  I recommend getting your baby down for first nap no later than 7:30 if she is waking at 5:30.  The reason her nap is short is because she's been up 3 hours, is likely way overtired by then and isn't rested enough to transition to the next sleep cycle.

3) Tracy cautions against any form of crying it out/controlled crying because she feels it breaks trust between parent and child.  Please do not allow her to CIO. Pat/shhh and PUPD are techniques that reassure your baby of your presence while also teaching them to self soothe. 

4) Pat/shhh and PUPD work if done correctly and on a consistent basis.  It is very important that anyone caring for your child learn how to do this properly.  It will be very confusing for your lo if each person puts her down differently. When you say she doesn't take to PUPD, how are you doing it?  Babies 6 months and up settle better OUT of your arms.  So if she's able to sit/stand in the crib, WAIT for her to do so, then just lay her down again gently and talk reassuringly "it's okay, time for sleep".  If she can't sit or stand then PU and calm her, but do not hold her too long.  This is one of the biggest mistakes people make.  If your lo starts to settle in your arms then she isn't learning how to self-soothe.  Please visit the PUPD board if you need further clarification on technique.

5) What temperment is your lo?  Touchy, Grumpy, Angel, Textbook, Spirited?  Now that she's becoming more aware of her environment she may need a darker room for naps, particularly if she's spirited.

6)  It's okay for your lo to cry a bit before falling asleep.  My lo always lets out a little waaaaaa when I walk out of the room but then settles within a few minutes.  It's their way of shutting out all the excitement of the day.  So if your lo is only crying a few minutes before falling asleep, that's okay.

7) In order to get longer naps, you will need to extend them using wake to sleep, pupd and/or pat/shhh.  I recommend watching one of her naps and seeing what time she starts to stir.  You want to go in 5 minutes before this happens and lay your hand on her back or chest or even on her arms and legs.  This will help prevent her jolting and help her transition.  When she's better rested this should be easier for her to do as well.

Here is an approx. sample schedule that I hope will work for you.

5:30 wake
7:30-9:00 nap
11:00-12:30/1:00 nap
2:30/3:00-4:00 nap
7:00 bed

I hope this is helpful to you.  Let me know if you have further Qs.  My connection has been touchy, so I may not respond immediately.

[stacymatt]

Thank you so much for your help.

 I thought i might add that when dd wakes up at 5:30 am I nurse her lying down and she falls back asleep on the breast.  I get up around 6:15 to take a shower and she usually wakes up around 6:45am and i nurse her again at 7am before I leave.  So should we measure her first waking up at 5:30 or 6:45?  I had been doing it at 6:45am and my husband will usually put her down for her nap at 8:30 or 8:45 and she sleeps for about 45 minutes. 

As to her sleep/wake schedule, i suppose I could get her to sleep no later than 7:15pm but that means that i walk in the door, feed her, put her pj's on and put her down to sleep.  I know its selfish but i kind of want the 15 minutes of extra time to SEE her, ya know??  And as far as her wake up time, I could probably do a 6am wake up instead of the 5:30am and just keep her up at that point instead of having her fall asleep on the breast again.  And i understand that if i do that, then having her go down for her 1st nap at 7:30 would be perfect. My only reason for accepting the 5:30 am wake-up was/is that it means i get to nurse her twice before i leave for work - once at 5:30am and again at 7am. And I can't give her both breasts as 6am because its just waaaay too much milk and she just spits up all over the place.  what a dilemma, huh?  thoughts?


I'd have to say my dd is probably a little spirited and in fact my husband and I had just agreed this morning to get some darker shades for her room for nap time, esp. since she sleeps so well at night.

When i say she doesn't take well to pu/pd i mean that it seems to upset her even more.  I pick her up, calm her down then put her back in the crib and she screams, so i do it all over again until it takes me a long time to calm her down even when i'm holding her.  i'm kind of stuck with the pu/pd and am wondering if its just not a technique that works well for her/us.  How many days and for how long a stretch of time do people do this?  20 minutes a nap? 2 days?  30 minutes at a time? 3 weeks? until it starts working?

I will definately watch one of her naps and see if the wake to sleep helps if i catch her early enough.  That's a great suggestion, and hopefully, it (along with the darker room) will help her sleep longer. 

Do you think I should drop the dreamfeed at 10pm?  Do you think that is reducing some of her sleep time? I'm loath to drop it because I need to keep up my milk production since i only nurse her in the am and at night but if it would be better for her, i'll do it and just pump another time at night (added to the 3 times a day i already pump- insert eye roll here!).

I feel sooo obsessed by all this too.  It's making me (and my dh) crazy.  ah well, at least there's company in misery.

[Colesmom]

hi again,

I didn't realize she went back to sleep until 6:45.  That's great!  That means her night sleep is much closer to being on track.

Her short naps may be caused by too little awake time then.  Maybe try keeping her up 5-10 minutes longer and see if that helps (along with the wake to sleep technique)

No need to drop the DF if it's still working for you. Tracy says not to drop until 7 months and I know I fed at that time (not DF, DS woke to feed) until 8 months.

I strongly suggest visiting the PUPD board for advice on the technique.  You may be holding her too long.  You don't want her calming down completely.  You are picking her up to reassure her of your presence and to calm her a bit, but ultimately you want her to do that herself.  As for how long it takes, the first few days will be the worst.  It can often take longer than 1 hour and over 100 PUPDs (in extreme cases) for the first time.  The key is to be consistent.  Your lo is crying because you are doing something different and they are frustrated. If you cave in and go back to your old methods (soothing/holding or whatever) then all the crying is a waste!  Be patient, stay consistent and your lo will catch on.

Also, PUPD doesn't necessarily work with all babies.  At least that's what I've read on the board. So if you feel it's not for you and your lo that is okay.  You'll just have to find other techniques to reassure and calm her.

I would certainly try the room darkening, extending wake time and wake to sleep.  good luck!

[stacymatt]

Thanks for all your suggestions.  I had anticipated trying them out today but I had to come into work so I will probably start this weekend.  Unfortunately, my dd's naps have been all of 15 and 20 minutes today.