All over the place - PU/PD, walk in/walk out, pat shhh

[SophieB]

Ellie's always been a great sleeper - through the night from the DF at 8 weeks and dropped the DF (by accident  ) at 4mo.  She only has the odd run of troubled sleep, and I do see that as part of the deal, but I don't want a small problem to turn into a big one, IYKWIM. And, well, we have small but escalating problem here at the moment.

A bit of history - I started PU/PD with Ellie when she was around 11mo.  It seemed to work, although it took a while (including one highly forgettable night where I PU/PD for more than four hours).

Since then, on the very rare occaision she is having trouble going to/staying asleep, I've found a modified pat/shhh method more effective, as the PU/PD seems to wind her right up initally and take forever.  Basically, I would put my hand firmly on her back and shhh, and as she settled, sit on her floor where she could see me and keep shushing, slowly moving towards the door.  Worked well to start with, but has become less effective (and MUCH slower) with time.

Recently, though, a run of sickness (virus, then cold, then gastro) and starting long day care led in turn to a few night wakings, then a bit of trouble getting to sleep at night, then a bit of trouble getting to sleep at nap time.  Before you know it, accidental parenting is alive and well at our house.  She even slept in my bed for a few hours last night (I know, I know, golden rule - my only excuse is that I caught her violent gastro and REALLY didn't have the energy to deal last night).

So, after that enormous blurt, here's my question.  Should I:

- go back to PU/PD, knowing that it winds her up and takes forever, but will work eventually

- go back to pat/shh, knowing that it doesn't wind her up so much but still takes forever

- give walk in/walk out a go or

- do some combination of these three?

And if it's to be walk in/walk out, can someone please explain EXACTLY how I do it?

Thanks in advance for your help.

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi
Hope you're all feeling better soon.
I think it would be best to do walk in/out.This is what I did.
Lay her down,go out,count to 10,go in,lay her down,count to 10,go back in
lay her down,go out,count to 10 etc
Carry this on until she sleeps.
Only go in if she's crying.If she stops crying then stop counting,start again
if she starts crying.
Don't stop once you've decided to do this.BEWARE; the first night is the worst
night you'll have (apart from that 4 hours you had once)
It should take about 3 nights to make a difference.You can use this for
getting her to sleep and for night wakings.
I always did stretching exercises for the count of 10 as it gave me something
else to think about when the screaming started.
Good luck.Post or pm if any problems.
Let us know how you're doing

[tylersmommy]

I agree with Sarah...we've done walk in/walk out with Tyler since about 11 mo with great success. I do the exact same thing she described, except I try to get away with verbal reassurance first and go in only when that doesn't work. When he cries, we use a key phrase from outside the door. We say "Tyler, night night." If he continues to cry, I'll stand in the doorway where he can see me and say the phrase again. If that doesn't work, I go in to him, say the phrase, and lay him down if needed. After a few rounds, he started to understand what the phrase meant, and I didn't have to go in quite as often. BTW, most folks count to 10, but keep in mind that the point of it is to give Ellie a chance to settle herself and keep you from rushing in at every whimper.

Also take a look at her routine...you might post it if you get a chance so we can make sure there's nothing there that needs tweaking. Good luck, and let us know how you get on!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Actually I've just remebered,I've started to say 'love you' as I'm walking to the door.
Also I remember a BW episode where Tracy did this,but she did stand at the doorway.
With Emily,if she saw me it wouldn't work.
Just wanted to add that

[SophieB]

Thanks guys - I tried it tonight and it worked in about 5 minutes (hooray), but that's no guarantee of what will happen during the night...

Ellie's routine, pre sickness was:

6.00 or 6.30        Wake (we'd finally conquered the early waking monster when all the sickness started.  Grrr!)
                         Breakfast and cows milk pretty much straight away.
7.00                   Play
7.30                   Shower with mumma
8.00                   Play
9.00                   Snack
9.15                   Out the door (if creche day) or more play
11.00 or 11.30    Lunch
12.00 (about)     Sleep
2.00 to 3.00       Wake and play
3.15 or 3.30       Snack
5.15 or 5.30       Dinner
6.00 or 6.15       Wind down and milk
6.30                  Bed

Thanks again for your help.  I'll try the key phrase "Mumma's here, Ellie, everything's OK" from the door and the "I love you" as I leave if things go pear-shaped tonight.

Just one last question - do you only go in if she's CRYING or just if she's crying very lightly?  Sorry to be dopey - I just don't want to change horses on her again.

Gratefully,

Soph

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi,glad things are looking up.
I always went in with any type of cry,only because with Emily
a small whimper always turns into a scream
To be honest,you'll probably know what sort of cry you can leave.
(Did that make sense?)
Keeping my fingers crossed for you

[SophieB]

Thanks again - so it was all good last night (except for the 5am wake up - that's the next battle) and miraculously good again tonight.  Walked in/out a few times when I first put her down, she drifted off to sleep and then woke again when I closed her bedroom door half an hour later (darn) - one visit, and she was back to sleep.

(Not jinxing it.  Not jinxing it.  Not jinxing it.)

Thank you ladies.

[tylersmommy]

I'm so glad things are going better! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

When Tyler cries, it really depends what kind of cry we go in for. We usually go in if it's clear that whimpering or light crying is going to escalate into the real deal, or if he can't seem to settle himself after being given the opportunity. Does that make sense?