bedtime taking forever

[ryan's mum]

a short time ago i posted about Ryans naps ,asking wether to wake him from a nap of over 2 hours to protect bedtime even though he still has bad nights sleep (reflux related)since this post i have been waking Ryan after 1.5 hr naps but bedtime is still a struggle.
    at around xmas time he wasn't ready for a nap at his usual 11.30pm so we moved it to 12.30pm , he naps for 2/2.5 hours if we don't wake him , but then when i take him to bed at 7.30pm he takes over an hour to get to sleep.we moved bed to 8.00pm he still takes an hour to get to sleep. my problem being that i stay in the room till he falls asleep ,so it's taking up my evening.it seems that when he feels himself nodding off , he stirs, sits up does whatever to not let himself nod off (frustrating) now in the past week or 2 i have been waking him from his nap after 1.5hrs in order to get him to bed at 8ish and hopefully be tired enough to sleep sooner , but no , still taking an hour ! around xmas time it was taking him 20mins to 30mins to fall asleep , which i don't mind.
   if he doesn't take a nap he will be in bed 7ish and be asleep in 10 mins he's soo tired but he gets tired and grumpy (crying at the littlest thing) from 5pm till bed , so he's not ready to do without a nap.
     does anyone have any advice or solutions to this problem .it's 9pm before i get time to myself, and i get soo annoyed as he gets close to nodding off so many times.
    bedtime is story , cuddle ,kiss and say "goodnight" then i lay next to him without saying anything or even eye contact. he does put himself to sleep.this is no different to what we have always done

[J&Jsmom]

I would do as you're doing - cut his nap down to 1.5 hours. I would make sure that any lead up to bedtime is quiet time and not overly exciting (some people say letting kids watch TV before bed is a bad thing as it winds them up but I haven't noticed that with my LO). I think the issue is that you're staying in the room with him. It wouldn't matter if it took him an hour to fall asleep on his own - some people take a while to drop off - but because you're in the room it's a pain for you (understandably).

What would happen if you lay down with him for just 5 minutes to give him a cuddle and settle him, and then left? Would he cry/scream? If not, then leave and reclaim your evenings!

If he does cry/scream, I would still leave after 5 minutes of cuddle time but then pop your head back in and say 'it's bedtime, mommy's right outside'. And stand outside the door where he could see you if he sat up. If he keeps crying, just keep popping your head in and say 'it's bedtime, mommy's right outside'. Don't engage in further conversation or cuddles. You might still spend an hour sitting outside his room, but if you put a book there you can get an hour of reading in. And gradually he will get used to you not being in the room with him - particularly if you lengthen the gaps between when you pop your head in.

He needs to get used to not having you sleep next to him. You say that he puts himself to sleep but you most likely have accidentally  become the prop simply by being there. If you find that going straight outside is causing him major trauma, you might want to try lying down with him for 5 minutes only and then sitting up and away from him but still being in the room. Gradually move to being outside the room. You might also want to give him a cuddly toy to snuggle with as a 'replacement' for you.

I went through this routine with my son who for ages had just put himself to sleep once I put him in bed. I never lay with him (mainly because I couldn't get in his bed). But recently he has started screaming blue murder when I leave the room at night. So I had to use this gradual easing out approach. I still have to sit outside his room some nights, but it is getting much better and I am staying for less and less time.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

[ryan's mum]

i would agree that the main issue is the fact that i have to stay in the room and the longer it takes him to fall asleep , the less time i'm getting to myself in the evening. at nap time he is asleep within 10/15 mins as he is tired enough,but it seems at night he just lays there staring into space for ages , then he gets frustrated and tosses and turns for ages.i'm quite confident that if i was to take him up to bed at 9pm he would fall asleep quicker ,but i don't want to start 9pm bedtime, he has always gone to bed between 7pm and 8pm. he has 5 hrs awake before nap and 5hrs after nap before bed, and i would say he is more active in the afternoon so why is he just staring into space.
   i will try leaving the room after 5 mins and see how he goes ,i have tried in the past but soon as i get up to leave he says"aaah aaah!back"when he's staring into space it's not like he's checking if i'm there or not ,so if i could get out the room without him knowing it probably wouldn't be a problem.
     have taken him to bed earlier for his nap today and he still fell asleep in 10mins, so i can wake him sooner and see if it makes a difference tonight.
       i know that if i do leave the room he will stay quiet for a while but then shout me , so to be stirring him up again when he is staring into space ,it's still going to take ages, only difference is that i'm now outside the room and not in.
         i will try tonight with sitting at the edge of the bed for a while instead of laying next to him.