very depressed about BF

[brittsy]

 I have a four month old.  About six weeks ago, after I had been sick, my lo started having nursing problems and would not nurse for more than five minutes at a time.  I went to a lactician consultant who told me that he had become frustrated because I had an overactive letdown but that now my supply was low.  I worked for two weeks pumping after every time he fed to get my supply back up.  Despite now having an adequate supply (I usually pump four or five ounces) and experimenting with every different nursing position in the book, my lo still won't consistently breast feed.  Because he was not gaining wait, I began feeding him the expressed breast milk in bottles. . . .So here we are almost six weeks later and I still have to pump because he breasts feeds sporatically at best.  Feeding him has taken up almost my entire maternaty leave and left both baby and I extrememly frustated.  I just recently decided to just pump and give him the bottle without even offering him my breast.  I know, I know. . .this will problably make him even less likely to come back to my breast, but at least I don't have to go through the feeding process twice and don't have to watch him pund on my chest in frustration.  I think formula is just around the corner, , ,

After all this, I am really sad that BF is not working out for us. . .It is really depressing. . .   I think I'm loosing my mind with all the stress this is putting on me.

[daisymelan]

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}  Well done!  You have given your little one such a great start at life.  Don't stress about the bfing, be happy you could give him at least four months.  Sounds like it is really important to you and you have worked hard at making it a success for both of you.  I can understand why you would be frustrated.  Who wouldn't be?  Before you decide to stop, hang around and see if any mamas have some good advice for you.  I'm sure there will be some.

My first thought is that after offering the bottle for the first little bit, is it possible to get your lo to latch on?  That way he isn't starving and may be a little more patient and accepting of the faster letdown?  Or maybe pump a bit off first and then nurse? 

I have the opposite problem so I'm not sure how to tackle this.  Hang in there and I'm sure some words of wisdom will come.  Please keep us posted.  And remember, you have to do what is best for both mom and baby.  If your time is over, then that's ok. 

Again, hugs.

[Samuel's mum]

I'm so sorry you've had a tough time but you should be proud of your determination. If you can keep up the pumping it will be a really positive thing. Some people pump for almost all their baby's feeds and are very proud to have done so. You shouldn't feel that pumping and feeding EBM means 'things aren't working out'. There are genuine benefits to feeding breastmilk exclusively until around 6 months - boob or bottle - but if you can't manage a few more weeks, then he has still had a great start. Even if you choose to start using formula, combining it with breastmilk will still have real benefits. Let go of the stress and just do what you can do. The previous post has some good suggestions. I'm not sure whether you'd be able to talk to your lactation consultant again but it might be worth it. 

[vannat]

hi there

although i have a six month old now that i am breast feeding, my last daugther (now five - i have a 7 year old girl as well) was bottle fed after 3 weeks.  i must say that i admire your determination and agree that you have given your baby a great start in life!  i stopped breastfeeding my last daughter, not because she wouldn't feed, but because she was a real screamer and i was so stressed out all the time.  at least when she was on the bottle i could let others take over more and i knew that when she screamed it was not out of hunger.  i was sad for a while (I had breastfed my oldest daughter till 6 months) but once i got over that i felt so much better.  there is a lot of guilt out there for those who bottlefeed, but sometimes it is the best choice.  If you can, keep breastfeeding - of course we all know it is the best - but if the best decision for you and/or you baby is to bottle feed, then do so and be at peace with the decision.  maybe if the stress of feeding is gone you can settle in and really enjoy your baby (they are only babies for such a little while).  by the way, my bottle fed baby (now five) is extremely healthy and happy and always has been.

hang in there!

[JacobMarksMummy]

It sound to me as though you have treid v.hard. Youve done very well to make it so far as many women give up at the first hurdle and you have given your LO four months of great nutrition.

Would you have the time to express for all his feeds and give them to him in the bottle. That way he is still getting BM and you wont be as stressed, trying to get him to latch etc. You can hire really great electric double pumps at quite a reasonable price to make things quicker.

However, if you feel ready to stop dont feel guilty just feel proud of what you have done. There is no point missing out on enjoying your baby because you are so stressed about nursing them. I hope you make the right decision for you    Keep us posted!

[brittsy]

Thanks for all your support.  I have an electric pump and am just giving him bottles at every feed now.  I have found that I have to supplement with formula b/c I am not producing as much as I was a week ago. . .I hear this happens when you only pump and just put w/o putting a baby on there.  I'll keep doing this as long as I can.  Is it OK to mix the formula w/ the breast milk?  That is what I have been doing as he won't take the formula alone. . .I also went back to the lactician.  She did not really have any new advice for me other than to keep trying. . .Thanks again for all  your advice.

[annamum]

Brittsy,

either way, you are doing more than many women have done. Feeding expressed milk is fabulous, even if you have to substitute with formula.

As for mixing it, if you have been doing it and your lo is not complaining, and likes it, I wouldn't change it.

The only idea I have is that if you still want to try, offer your breast when he is sleepy or sleeping. Sleeping baby is usually relaxed and can nurse from breast even when on a nursing strike. I have also heard of taking a bath together and offering breast while in water, some moms here swear by it. If you have even a small success like this, you can continue from there, but if you decided to switch completely to pumping, it is fine, too. It is true that some women can't keep up their supply when only pumping, while some can. It really depends a lot on your body, how it reacts to a pump. I know at least one woman who managed to pump for her LO for 18 months and stopped only because she has had enough.

Good luck!

[brittsy]

Thanks Annamum.  I do continue to BF him in the middle of the night.  He used to do when he woke up from naps or if I woke him up, but he started getting very fussy there too, so I'm not sure how long the middle of the night thing will work.  I have also tried baths. . .and lots of "skin to skin" time.  Nothing has worked.  I think I have to just make piece with my pump and start winding down to fewer pumping sessions to save my sannity. . .Thanks for the support.

[Jusser]

Hi Brittsy, I was so pleased to read your post, not because you are having problems of course, but because what you are experiencing is almost identical to my situation.  I already posted a few days ago regarding my supply and the frustration of my LO (you might want to read it although yours is a lot more succinct!) - I am feeling guilty for having given him a bottle at all (having said that if I hadn't gotten him used to a bottle early on I don't know how we would have survived when I was in hospital for 4 days 2 months ago!).  The fact that he is refusing to feed properly has affected my milk supply and is also affecting his sleep - don't even mention EASY !! I have been trying to get hold of lactation consultants/La Leche leaders for the last day or so, to no avail, so in the meantime I have been pumping between feeds and trying to be very patient when feeding, just waiting each time he breaks off for him to go back on (it can take 45 minutes, just like the early days only more frustrating...).  He is still not taking enough though - and, like you, he sort of bangs on me like a cowboy with a lassoo - I thought it was just him !  Just wondering whether things have changed at all for you over the last few days and whether you have any further advice for me - like yourself I really want to continue BF, my initial target was 6 months and I have reached that, but 1 year would have been my ideal goal.  The thing is I feel that my LO has become impatient with BF and just wants the constant flow that a bottle gives - typical man !  I did realise over the last day or so that he feeds better when drowsy or up from a nap with hunger ( !) - at other times he almost seems to have forgotten how to latch on properly.  I was almost in tears this morning when I couldn't settle him for a nap but he is now sleeping after taking some expressed milk after feeding....
Anyhow, sorry for the waffle, I just wanted to say that I understand what you are going through and really hope you can work things out.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

[Samuel's mum]

Dear Jusser
I'm sorry you've not been able to get hold of anyone. Congratulations on all your patience. It is clear from your description that you are taking so much care and thought. Well done for keeping up with the pumping. Every feed/mouthful of breastmilk is a bonus.

Dear Brittsy
I hope you can get comfort from the fact you are not alone. By all means mix milk together if it means your LO will get some breastmilk. Keep pumping and your LC is right - don't give up unless you want to. Some babies go on nursing strikes that can last weeks not days but their mums continue pumping and at the end of it all they reattach and the breastfeeding relationship continues - I'm not making this up! Dr Jack Newman (him again!) has treated cases like this - although it's very rare. He says nursing may resume as abruptly as it stopped. He hasn't found a convincing explanation for why it happens. He says be gentle with baby, have lots of skin-to-skin time, try offering during sleep. Some people pump exclusively for a lengthy time although it's certainly not easy. Good Luck.

[lwwho]

Dear Brittsy and Jusser,

I have the exact problem! My LO is 5 and a half months old and since she was given the bottle (i've gone back to work full time), she really fusses at the breast and I sometimes feel I'm making her miserable. On weekends, I try to direct bf. I have to induce a let-down before putting her to the breast or else she will wail and refuse to suck! But then after the first flood of milk, she does the cowboy thing too coz the flow slows. Sometimes, she bobs off and doesn't finish the breast coz she can't wait... she wants the constant predictable flow of the bottle! So I've had to pump to empty the breast and then offer it to her. Am I being selfish wanting to bf so badly that I've put my own interests above my bb? I guess if she's happier with the bottle, then she should be given the bottle, no? I really don't know... although I know I really miss the times when she'd nurse contentedly. Sorry I have no solutions but it feels good to know that I'm not alone. Thanks all.... terrific advice all round.

Lorraine

[daisymelan]

Am I being selfish wanting to bf so badly that I've put my own interests above my bb? I guess if she's happier with the bottle, then she should be given the bottle, no? I really don't know... although I know I really miss the times when she'd nurse contentedly.

I think that is a valid question.  But I don't have the answer for it.  I think you ARE putting your los interests above yours.  You are stressing the whole issue just to insure you are offering her the very best you can.  Sounds like you are working very hard for you lo.  I don't have a solution, just wanted to say that I think many women feel that way but about different issues.  Hang in there, maybe try using a bottle with a slower flow?  But los are a strange lot and you never know when they will change their mind about something.

Hang in there.

{{{hugs}}}

[MrsPintus]

Daisy- YEP! I think this is all on the right track- You ARE putting your lo's interests above yours & we all know this because we have all been there.

My DH tried over & over to question just WHY (!!!!!!) are you trying so hard to BF??? What are your motives? He was sure there was something selfish in there somewhere & finally realized it really is the mommy tiger thing that I wanted the absolute best for my babe!

At about that age (4months) my DD seemed to like the bottle better, too, at times, tho not as much as your son, Britssy. I was grateful I stuck with it because it has become a connection for us now that I have been back to work full time & she has been sick.

My advice is to do whatever you can. You already know that if you don't keep getting him on there somehow your supply will go down. I hope you aren't looking for permission to put him on formula. If that is what you want to do, do it & don't look back. YOU KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR SON. It sounds like you want to keep bf, tho. I would hate for you to give up without trying a few things & then you look back & regret your decision.

What kind of bottles/nipples are you using? It does sound like the bottle is so much easier for him, he's getting too lazy to nurse. My lactation consultant insisted on Advent, never going past nipple #2. Have you tried "primeing" your breasts with the pump for 1-2 minutes before nursing?

I am now battling getting my DD to not have to nurse herself to sleep when I had a hard time, so take heart. It CAN get easier.

[Samuel's mum]

Dear lwwho

Am I being selfish wanting to bf so badly that I've put my own interests above my bb? I guess if she's happier with the bottle, then she should be given the bottle, no?

If your LO could understand all the reasons why nursing is great and read all the material I'm sure she would come down in favour of it!
I'm sure she'd want you to be able to maintain your supply easily, and help promote her oral-facial development by improving the coordination of the mouth, lips, tongue and jaw muscles. She'd want to receive the benefits that nursing directly from the mother's nipple can give her immune system not to mention the emotional aspect of direct nursing.
YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH!