All night stirring, confused

[LAR]

Hello. I am new to this website, but have read BW and followed Tracy's book as best we could. We did lose track for a few weeks in between 7-9 weeks. My son is 12 weeks old, and a healthy growing boy... He's at least 24 in & at least 14pounds. We are in the process of shifting to a 4 hour schedule. I suspect he is having a growth spurt...He is breast-fed, but I have had to supplement with formula because I cannot keep up with him. He goes down at night, with a good bedtime routine at 7pm. The only 'bad' thing have going on, is some issues with him liking to be 'walked' to sleep. We will work on that next week, when my husband has a week off of work with PU/PD? Should we do that?

BUT the real problem is an increasingly frequent waking up all night long. It used to be only once or twice. NOW, its almost every hour or so, especially after 3 am. he doesn't wake up fully, just stirring out of his sleep cycle. We shhh/pat back to sleep... no picking up... and he GENERALLY goes back to sleep. I don't feed him in the middle of the night, he does get a DF at 11pm. At times, he will be awake around 4:45a.m... ready to be awake at least. Not screaming to be fed... but certainly hungry once he starts to eat. W

We are up shhh/patting 5 times or so a night. By the end of the night, I am in tears... and I don't know what to do. I wonder if I am going in his room too soon, but if I don't respond, he will SCREAM bloody murder, and then not only is he awake, but he isn't going back to sleep anytime soon.

He is NOT a good napper, the 45 minute type, when he is in his crib... will sleep for 90 min, when in a car, or on ME... which I have stopped in recent weeks. I am planning on beginning to fix this first, with PUPD... and hopefully he will learn to shift his sleep cycle. I am confused though because I think we have a couple of different things going on here, that are problems...

1. PROP use to get him to sleep
2. Potential growth spurt and what to do about feeding if I should in the middle of the night.
3. Frequent wakings all night long

- in what order do I begin to fix this? PUPD at naptime?
Here is our basic schedule;

6am- EAT
8am- SLEEP (longest nap, 40-70 minutes)
10:00-EAT
11am- SLEEP (30- 40 minutes)
1:30-2pm- EAT
2:30pm-SLEEP (40 minutes tops)
5:00pm-EAT
CATNAP (30 min)
BATH
7pm- TOP OFF EAT (I am a little off because of the shift to 4 hours in progress...)
11pm- DF

 THANK  you for reading, I feel better just knowing I am not alone in this.  L.

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi L

I think that it is probably a little too early for you to be moving to a 4 hourly routine - most babies do that at around 4 months or a little later.  If you are limiting those day time feeds, your ds will need to feed during the night to get those calories up.  Also, it is VERY common for a 3 month old baby to need to feed during the night - if he is waking up and you can't settle him back to sleep then he is hungry and if it were me, I'd feed him.  Also, because your DS is doing 45 min naps, you will find it very hard to move to a 4 hour routine - lengthening the routine and developmentally coming our of 45 min naps ususally happen around the same time.

I would recommend that you have a look at the EASY board for suggestions of routines for your son's age.  If you can get enough food into him during the day, your nights should get a little easier.  I would also suggest that you start to work on getting your DS to sleep in his crib - start by using pat/shh and use pu/pd only if you need to.

HTH
Good luck

[Katet]

I have to agree with Jo, If you aren't 200% certain he has gone through the 3month growth spurt I would keep him at 3 hour EASY & infact given his short naps & the likely hood he hasn't gone through the growth spurt & the topping up with Formual will mess that (if you want to keep bf past 4 months, I would stop the top ups until he is a 4months+) as your supply needs to adjust... with my ds#2 who was heaps bigger than your lo at 12 weeks (18llb/ 26in) I was feeding 2.5 hourly around the clock... so I think it is reasonable to expect at his age he needs 2-4 night feeds & 3 hourly routine in the day. Getting a 5-6 hour stretch out of a bf baby at 3months is considered sleeping through the night... it will get better, but it is important to focus on making sure you are getting to know your baby rather than "doing it by the book" For me if a baby doesn't settle in a few minutes at 3mo then hunger is the issue & so I would feed.

[LAR]

Thanks for your replies. I guess I am getting ahead of myself. He has been a little ahead of the curve since birth developmentally. He is meeting milestones for a 4 month-old... and I assumed he would be ready, when perhaps he just is not. He is naturally holding off the eating during the day to about 3.5 hours... so I thought he was ready. I have had to up his calories during the day, to help with the nights. last night, he got a 11pm DF, woke up countless times until 2:30am, then slept through the night peacefully until 6:30am. So, He is sleeping in his crib...at night, and for most naps... just not napping long. I tried to catch him at 35 minutes this morning to help him stay asleep, but he popped up at 30 minutes. Just missed it. Got him back to sleep (not in the crib then put him down, and he was wide awake.) SOOOO I appreciate the advice. I will stick to 3 hours for now, and feed him if he continues to stir at night after I have tried one shhh/pat to sleep.

I'm still not sure what to work on first though, I guess the feeding issues and upping my supply... then the naps, and the prop of walking him to sleep. Geez if I can get one of these down, I'll feel pretty good. THANKS again. It really helps to get feedback. I hope to help others the way you have helped me. I'll keep you posted. L.

L.

[Katet]

Lar, glad things are getting better. my ds#2 has always been big (3-6months bigger than average for height & weight) & doing many things ahead of "average", BUT that doesn't mean he should be doing everything, as he has yet to do some things on average. My now 2.5yo was a late walker & an early talker...my point is they can be earlier in one area & later in another, that is what makes averages.
Hang in there & yes when you get one thing sorted others will be easier on you emotionally.

[LAR]

Okay. I have thought about this, and watched him. He is NOT hungry at night. Regardless of whether or not i feed him at one of his wakings, he is still waking up every hour. As much as I respect what everyone is saying, I just know the difference between his cries, and he is not hungry crying when we wakes and he doesn't empty both breast when I feed him. He slept until 7am, but EVERY hour was awake. EVERY hour. If I don't feed him, he is up every hour just the same, and sleeping until 6:30 or so. I don't mind if he needs to be on a 3 hour schedule, but HE is pushing the schedule to 4, not me. I just am trying to go with him, where he needs to go... and he seems ready. I reverted back to the 3 hour schedule for the last couple of days, and the sleeping is worse. I would do anything to meet his needs regardless of where he is, but he seems to be in some difficult transition place, and its losing me. I'm sort of at my wits end, and drained from this whole thing. I want SO BAD to do the right thing, and I feel like the issue has to do with him not being able to self soothe back to sleep, (which would effect the nap problem as well.) I have regulated his eating amounts to a comfortable amount. Most people around me, think I'm crazy for not letting him cry for a little bit. But I have really been committed to Tracy's rationale. I don't think he is developmentally ready for a pure PU/PD... plus until this week, the shhh/pat works pretty good. I just am losing my options at this point, because I don't know what is best for this hourly waking. Im sorry to seem so desperate or negative... I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Like I said, I don't think its the food, and I don't think I am pushing him to move along when he is not ready, like I thought I could have been. When we make the shifts as suggested, he just doesn't respond as one would think. I do think its a sleep problem not a feed problem... BUT I am going to the EASY board to see what I can find. In the meantime, thanks for reading and sorry for the frustration. I have never been more challenged in my life. Thanks, L.

[Katet]

I think now you have ruled out hunger as an issue, it really means that it has to be a 'prop' for him falling asleep & so the only way you can fix that is to teach him to fall asleep independantly... no walking, just pat/sh until he is calm. I know with ds#2, that sometimes would take an hour... I am going through a rough stage with my 9mo who could go to sleep independantly BUT the excitement of pulling him self up (for the last 3 weeks) has made him forget that as with a toddler I have had to resort to AP methods & am paying the price with regular wakings... so I do think it is the fact he is walked to sleep.

[LŠuren]

HI LAR
I have just been reading your last post, you seemed so frustrated   

How are you getting on with teaching your LO to sleep independently?

Lauren x