Pressure to CIO (Long!)

[KB]

Hi all

I am really coming close to the end of coping with night wakings and I am under a lot of pressure to let my lo CIO.  I absolutely don't want to do this but am being romanced with stories of it only taking three nights.  I find that really hard to believe.

Here's how it's gone so far.  From 4 mo to 6mo my lo slept from 6.30pm to 6.30am straight, I stopped the dream feed at 4 months.  The very week that we started solids and daylight savings kicked in she began waking at night.  She was 6mo.  She has slept through only a handful of nights since.  It has been 4 months of night wakings and I am exhausted.

I know I started accidental parenting but feeding her was the quickest way to get us all back to sleep.  She would wake, feed and be back asleep in under 20 minutes.  She does not have any props, has always been on a routine and gone to sleep in her own cot independently.

She wakes consistently somewhere between 11.30pm and 1.30am.  This was not so bad but the last three nights there has been a second waking, somewhere between 3.30am and 5.30am

We have tried:

DH using pat/shush - this sometimes works but not always and we can only do it on weekends as he has a very physically demanding job and I really don't want him sleep deprived as he could get hurt.  I can't seem to settle her like this.

PU/PD is a disaster, she literally tries to to push you away and throw herself back into bed.

Upping her daytime calories.  This is really hard though as we have been through a whole lot of allergy stuff and only just now at 10 months are we really starting to establish her diet of solids.  We have only just introduced anything other than cereal, fruit & veg.  She will also not drink her soy formula (can't have cow's milk) and I would love to start a weaning plan but am very disheartened by her formula refusal.  I can't seem to express enough milk, just seems to be no spare.  So to up her daytime calories of milk I need to BF her five to seven times in a 24 hour period and that is really demanding at this age.  She can't have any dairy whatsoever so I am obviously wanting to make sure she gets her milk though.

Reintroduced the dream feed - I did this for a week but it only moved the midnightish wakeup to 3.30 or 4am which I found harder to deal with.

Decreasing the nursing time - I am on night seven of this with no results.

She has great day naps, 1 and a half to two hours twice a day, she has a consistent wind down routine at night and is in bed by 7.30 at the very latest.  However she does take an hour most nights to fall alseep.  No crying, just exuberant play that we can hear.  She is spirited/textbook I think.

Am I missing something?  I am sure that we need to change her milk intake around, she is never really hungry for breakfast and I'm sure it's cos she's drinking at night.

Can anyone give me any tips on settling her without nursing her, I just can't seem to do it.  Even my doctor is suggesting CIO.  I even contacted the child health clinic.  They said they can book me into a clinic where you stay four nights and they work through night wakings with you but when I asked how they said it was "self settling" based on a book by Ferber.  Isn't this just a different name for CIO?

Any help would be so appreciated.  I am just so tired and run down. After the scare of her allergic reaction, all the waiting to find out what foods she could and couldn't have, breastfeeding up to seven times a day with a 10mo, now her refusing the formula and four months of night waking I am really fragile.  And all I keep getting is "I can't believe you're still breastfeeding" and "you just need to let her cry it out".  Oh dear, now I'm starting to cry it out.........

Thanks for listening.

[Katet]

Self settling based on Ferber would be controlled crying, so leaving for periods of time

What country are you in. I was thinking Australia based on the child health clinic.... if so it is usually leaving for up to 7 mins (in NSW clinics) max. But still not what BW advocates.

I know where you are coming from with night waking, first developmental night wakings in the 2nd 6 months of life are incredibly common... my 9mo wakes still & the food problem would be adding to it for you (& me as I only bf my lo & he too has allergies).

My first comment is try to adjust YOUR thinking, 2-3 wakeups a night is actually what A LOT of babies this age do... just hop on the Birth clubs in the EASY forum.

Firstly I would look at offering high protien rich food, lentils & beans & meat to fill her up & give her plenty of water to drink as she will get her nutrient needs without dairy (they don't offer dairy in India) if you give a balanced diet. it may well be the lack of fluid that is an issue too.

I think the problem probably started with the 6mo growth spurt & she may well have needed the df then, as it can take weeks for the supply to build up & it also in bf needs to change it's nutrient value

BTW due to not knowing my ds#1 had dairy intolerances, I actually have had very few full nights sleep in over 2.5 years as he was still waking until about 3 months ago when ds#2 started waking again...so I know a change of mental attitude & bedtime is a good step in the right direction.

If she is falling asleep independently there isn't really anything I can suggest as it truely does sound like a hunger/thirst issue

I actually think from the tone of your post, that PPD is also an issue you need to look at as you sound like I did with ds#1 when I had ppd.

[KB]

Thanks Kate,

I certainly have been down lately.  I was doing fine until the allergic reaction - it was really scary as I thought she couldn't breathe but she was only gagging, then vomiting.  She broke out in hives, it was awful.  After that I couldn't even feed her myself - I needed other people to give her solids as I just shook when I had to feed her.

Since last posting I have had some success with a little soy formula from a cup with her meals which is great.  She has also dropped her BF to three a day and if she wakes in the night that is only number 4 feed, not 7!  We are also back to only one night waking 

You were right, just changing my thinking helped a lot.  I hadn't realised that so many other babies still wake at this age.  I just keep getting asked "oh doesn't she sleep through yet?" as though there is something wrong if she doesn't.  I actually feel that the wakings are going to end soon, don't know why just feel like we are on the downhill run.

I tried to settle her the other night without feeding and ended up trying for two hours before giving in to a very quick feed, she would be quiet as long as I was in the room but cried as soon as I left.  I tried to not go back in for a couple of minutes as per controlled crying but I didn't even make 2 minutes, I don't know how I would ever go if someone tried to keep me out for 7 minutes!!!  I am in Australia by the way.

We have also helped her to fall asleep quicker at night by putting her to bed almost an hour earlier than usual.  Two nights ago I put her to bed at 6.30 and she was asleep by 7pm and didn't stir until 3.30am.  I am wondering if she has been awake too long in the afternoons and needs an earlier bedtime?  Last night we tried 7.30 again and it took her an hour again to fall asleep and she stirred at 9.30 then woke at 1.30am. So I think we'll experiement with the 6.30 bedtime.

Wondering how long other 10mo are awake during the day?  Mine is only two hours between wake up (7am to 9am) three to three & a half during lunch period then four to four & a half in the late afternoon.  Putting her to bed at 6.30 makes that more like three to three & a half.  Maybe this is better.

Anyway thanks for the advice and ear, appreciated and you know I never even thought about the fact that there would be no dairy offered in India!  Makes me feel a whole lot better