Author Topic: Please help - EASY is NOT EASY and I am at my wit's end. (Read 3852 times)

mrsmynub · « **on:** February 22, 2006, 18:59:42 pm »

I posted in another room somehwere. I am sitting here listening to my 7-week old son crying hysterically on the monitor as it's been 45 minutes of trying to put him down for his nap. I am totally lost and don't know what to do save leave the house right now.

msgoodale · « **Reply #1 on:** February 22, 2006, 19:18:15 pm »

It can be really hard I know. I'm new to these boards but I used EASY on my first daughter (now almost 3) and my newest (now 3 months) and can tell you that the earlier you start the better -- so at 7 weeks it shouldl take much less time to get your lo into a good routine. And although this probably won't help much, the first time I tried to put my first daughter in her crib to sleep (at 8 wks) it took 2 hours of pat/shush to get her to sleep there for 45 minutes -- but let me tell you what a sense of accomplishment and we never looked back. You will get there, it just takes a little perseverance and maybe some earplugs

.

You didn't mention in your post how long you've been working on EASY, do you swaddle, have you been using pat/shush (it does work if you can keep sane through the crying -- and at 7 weeks you might still need to be pat/shushing in your arms), has he had any incidents of bad gas in the past. What kind of schedule is he on? Keep in mind that you lo is still little and you're just getting to know him so hang in there. For me, sometimes a change of scenery (ie take them out of the bedroom for a few minutes) is enough to calm them down and then try the sleep routine all over again.

Hang in there.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #2 on:** February 22, 2006, 20:19:53 pm »

I've been doing it a little over a week. For the first 4 days or so, it worked like a chaqrm, now it's hsyteria!!! I tried swaddling today for the first time and the poor little guy FREAKED out. The pat/shush has NOT worked at all for us.....he just cries harder. Yes, he suffers from gas, but not as much now as when he first came into the world. I think that I am reading his cues wrong as I always think he is hungry. He has been spitting out the pacifier when it normally makes him calm. Today, I finally swaddled him and gave him a bottle (he only took about 1/2 oz) and he FINALLY fell to sleep and has been asleep for an hour and 10 minutes. THat is the longest he's slept during the day in 4 days. Normally it's s45 minutes.

Do you ALWAYS feed an infant when they wake up? I think that that may be one of my problems with not understnading his cries. I feel like such a loser not knowing what the poor little guy wants.

Thanks for your help and support.

Lªuren · « **Reply #3 on:** February 25, 2006, 10:53:05 am »

Hi
It may be worthwhile checking out the EASY forum for some examples of the EASY routine for your LO's age group, please stick with it I can tell from your post that it is hard on you but I promise it will get better.

It may be a good idea to initialy keep a log of when your LO Eats (E), PLays (A), Sleeps (S). I have attached a post for you to download the log.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=6208.0

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=10384.0

shout if you need more help

HeatherC · « **Reply #4 on:** February 25, 2006, 15:59:23 pm »

HUGS to you. It is extremely difficult to know what baby needs, but hang in there and things will soon fall into place. During a naptime struggle like that, sometimes it's helpful to 1) take a deep breath and step back for a minute, then 2) bring baby out of the room and try again in 20 mins or so. After 45 mins of hysterics it would be very hard for him to settle anyway, so give both of yourselves time to calm down.
Are you using any remedies for the gas? There are drops you can give him with feedings. Also, give him some time to sit upright after feedings to aid digestion. Tracy's first book, Secrets of the BW, has a great chart to aid in disguishing different cries.
As for feedings, no, you don't always feed directly after a nap. If baby's nap was short, and you know for example he can go 3 hrs between feeds, but it's only been 2.5, just have a light A time until he is obviously hungry. Keeping consistent feed times will really help your routine fall into place. Now, I'm not suggesting to withhold a feeding just because the clock says it isn't time. But, trying to feed a baby when he's not hungry will make things tough to understand. You are NOT a loser. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. These little guys don't come with instructions, so this is all trial and error. We're so glad you've come to the BW site for help, and we'll be here for you any time.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #5 on:** February 25, 2006, 21:59:59 pm »

So my husband is home with me trying to sort things out. We let him cry it out this afternoon, and after 10 minutes of crying, he is sleeping. This morning was okay as he ate, then wanted to be awake, then ate again, but was CLEARLY overtired by the time he was finished burping, being changed, etc. My DH took him up to his room, spoke softly to him, put on the mobile, and shut the door. Our ds was asleep in 10 minutes, so I will be interested to see how the rest of the day goes. If he will just go down, or if this will start all over again.

Has anyone out there let there child cry it out?

Lªuren · « **Reply #6 on:** February 25, 2006, 22:15:38 pm »

Hi

Quote from: mrsmynub on February 25, 2006, 21:59:59 pm

This morning was okay as he ate, then wanted to be awake, then ate again, but was CLEARLY overtired by the time he was finished burping, being changed, etc.

Hi
By the sounds of it a possible sleep association has formed with Dante need to eat to sleep $:-\$ I personally haven't let my DS cry it out and if he is distressed I am usually standing over him in his cot and laying a hand on him or I use a form of pick up/put down or shush pat. DAnte is a lot younger than my DS so you could use shush pat.

It may also be worthwhile trying to get Dante to bed as soon as you see sleep cue i.e yawns or moaning.

Can you post your typical routine and we can have a look at it for you, by starting EASY it will help you read your LO's cue and crys, it will also let you know if they are genuinely hungry or suckling.

Dante's first days pictures are amazing

mrsmynub · « **Reply #7 on:** February 26, 2006, 01:17:16 am »

I have stood over Dante and held my hand on him and it has done nothing. The pat/shush method has done nothing. I really don't know what I am doing wrong, but his schedule has gone to hell. He normally wakes between 7 and 8 am and then eats between every 2 to 3 hours with bedtime between 7 and 9 with two feedings at night and activity time between 15 and 45 minutes during the day. But that changes, too, considering he WON'T nap and then he is up forever. How do you extend the feeding times? My ds eats between 3 and 4 ounces at a time, but still tends to eat every two hours. I feel like I am going round in circles.

Thanks for any help!
Dana

Lªuren · « **Reply #8 on:** March 05, 2006, 10:12:03 am »

Mrsmynub - how are you getting on with this now? Sounds from your last post he is overtired when he goes to sleep. If you are still having problems can you post your typical daily routine?

mrsmynub · « **Reply #9 on:** March 05, 2006, 20:16:42 pm »

Hi there and thanks for checking in on me. Although Dante's routine isn't to the letter each day, he does seem to need to eat at the same times each day. I've found that swaddling him and sitting with him calms him down to the point where he is almost to sleep, and then I can put him down. It seems like he now knows this routine (which takes abot 10 minutes) and although he whines a bit when it starts, he naps anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. It has been a pleasure not having him scream for hours on end.

Thanks for your concern - I hope that this success continues!

Lªuren · « **Reply #10 on:** March 05, 2006, 20:18:06 pm »

Well done you!!! Sounds like you made progress

mrsmynub · « **Reply #11 on:** March 05, 2006, 22:23:07 pm »

As they get older, do their routines become more set? I ask because sometimes he will eat 4 oz and then sleep for 2 hours and other times he eats 2 oz and sleeps for 45 minutes.

Lªuren · « **Reply #12 on:** March 06, 2006, 06:50:34 am »

From my own experience with DS - No he hasn't become more set, also around 4 months you need to change to hr hour easy and his naps will adjust again.

The is the beauty of EASY,once established it is failry easy to adjust and be flexible.

Mommy of 3 · « **Reply #13 on:** March 06, 2006, 07:05:19 am »

Sounds like your doing really well. Signs of improvement =). Smart of you to get on a schedule early. Don't feel bad for not know the cues of a baby. When I first brouth BW book and it talked about baby cues, my husband and I looked at each other and said, you mean there's more cues other than wet diaper or hunger? LOL, so everytime DS cried it was change the diaper than feed. Couldn't go wrong right? at least that's what we thought. What a disaster.

When DS was younger swaddling was a miracle, calmed him down right away. EASY will never be right on the dot, everyday is new. But at least you have the routine down and know what to do. Sometimes he'll sleep and sometimes he'll fuss. Try to stick with the schedule and be flexible if needed. =)

mrsmynub · « **Reply #14 on:** March 07, 2006, 00:43:27 am »

So, by 4 months, will ds be alert longer? Right now, ds eats, then is awake for an hour (total from time he wakes until time he naps), then sleeps for about an hour (sometimes longer) and then eats. Normally he eats every 2 hours. Wondering if I can lengthen that now? Or do I wait? How dyou you go to a 4 hour routine?

Lªuren · « **Reply #15 on:** March 07, 2006, 10:42:32 am »

Yes, they older they are the longer their A time will become. I will post you the guidelines for transistion to 4hr EASY.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=41061.0

HeatherC · « **Reply #16 on:** March 08, 2006, 01:22:21 am »

Dana, unless he was a low birth weight baby, he should be able to go 2.5-3 hrs between feedings. And, yes, as time goes by, he'll be staying awake longer, and you'll be able to notice his transition. He won't want to go to sleep at his previous nap times, he'll be less hungry at 3 hrs and ready to last a little longer. But it doesn't always happen at 4 months; sometimes babies don't go 4 hrs until 5-6 months. Any change in his routine though should be gradual. Try spacing out his feedings in 15 min increments every day or so. If you need to, give him a pacifier to hold him off, but don't hold him off to the point of sheer hunger. Just take it slowly, day by day. As for the routine becoming more set, I found that it changed very often until about 8 months, then the changes were less drastic. But change can be expected for a long, long time.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #17 on:** March 08, 2006, 20:48:06 pm »

Thanks, Heather for the 15 minute idea. He was definitely not a low birth weight baby, and for the past 24 hours or so, he has definitely been going through a growth spurt as he's (just today between 7:30 am and 11:30am) eaten 9 ounces. I am thinking that if he keeps this up, he will need cereal soon!

I am glad to know that change is normal at this stage, because I keep telling my husband to hire someone that will be able to do something right as I feel like I am doing everything wrong!

HeatherC · « **Reply #18 on:** March 08, 2006, 21:55:56 pm »

Dana, sure does sound like a growth spurt. And just the fact that you care so much to be seeking help and guidance shows that you are doing everything right. We've all been through this, felt the same way, and struggled with the same or similar issues. I, too, wanted to run away at times. My mom told me that it would all be a distant memory one day, and while I never could imagine she could be right, she was. I remember there were hard days, but I don't remember details, and I don't remember what it was like (constanting crying, no napping). The first year went sooooooo quickly. YOu'll get through this and we're here to help you.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #19 on:** March 17, 2006, 00:31:29 am »

Well, ds is still all over the map. Yesterday, he was on an EASY 2.75 schedule and slept beautifully. Today, he is starving every 2 hours and taking in as much as 4 ounces at each feed - also he has only taken one (1) hour nap this morning. I just got him to go down for ana afternoon nap. I am really about to give up - when do they stick to it? I don't get it. I do everything the same and he just doesn't seem to settle into it.

Also, tomorrow, ds gets his first shots.....what can I expect?

HeatherC · « **Reply #20 on:** March 17, 2006, 01:29:39 am »

Hi, Dana. Sorry to hear of tough times lately. Have you tried making a 5 oz bottle or do you only make 4 oz? I know that more than 4 seems like alot for his age, but if he is a hungrier baby, maybe offer a bigger bottle. Also, have you tried giving him the paci to make sure he's hungry as opposed to just needing some comfort?
You surely can do everything the same each day, and it's never really going to be the same. That's just how it is for most of us. You are not alone; it's just a gradual process.
As for shots, my experiences with dd have been of course, crying while given, then lots of sleep the rest of the day. That has happened to most of my friends as well. The dr may tell you to go ahead and give him tylenol before the shots are given, so take some with you or they might have some at the office. Each dr, however, is different in their recommendations.
Let us know how your appointment goes.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #21 on:** March 17, 2006, 01:38:12 am »

I'd be very happy if Dante slept all day!!!! Well, I think that part of it was that the nipples I have been using (duh - I just figured this out) were for 6+ months. So, I bought new nipples today, hoping that ds will get sucking time and be able to slow down his eating....maybe that will help. I will ask the dr tomorrow, though, about what she recommends on stretching his eating out.

I guess it's just that I feel like everyone on here has things down pat, and my lo is kicking my butt every day!!!

DS is funny - he will eat 3 ounces, and not finish his bottle. Then he will want 4 ounces and we will give him another bottle, and he won't want it. Then at other times he will go through (2) 4 ounce bottles, while later that same day only eat 2 ounces at a time. Like I said, I am hoping that the new age appropriate nipples will help.

Do you think that I should try the paci before feeding to see if that is what he really needs? Could that stretch things out a bit?

HeatherC · « **Reply #22 on:** March 17, 2006, 01:57:55 am »

Oh, Dana, I was a poster-mom for "Not Having Things Down Pat"! You are soooo not alone.
Anyway, good thought on changing nipples. Funny thing is that my dd, although she's only on one bottle now, only got to a size 2 flow nipple on an Avent bottle. Babies are just so darn different.
Tracy recommended trying a soother/paci first when you're not sure if it's hunger or not. It couldn't hurt to try.

Big tip: Make a list of questions for your dr tonight. Put it in your bag so you won't forget it, and don't leave there until you feel satisfied your questions have been answered.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #23 on:** March 17, 2006, 21:07:00 pm »

Well, Dante made it through his shots, but is definitely not sleeping all day. I think he slept about 1 1/2 hours when we got home. He has taken his Tylenol and eaten his first bottle with cereal included. THe doctor recommended I start so I am hoping that this will allow his feeding schedule to change a bit.

Thanks for all of your help. I will let you know how things go in the next few days with this big change.

magaparsec · « **Reply #24 on:** March 17, 2006, 22:38:30 pm »

Hi there, I can TOTALLY relate to you... my DD is 2 months yesterday and has been on EASY since last Friday. But each day is a little different! The sh-pat somehow magically worked today within minutes! And last night she slept until 7am (with some resettling and 1 night feed plus df). So it gets easier, but I'm sure tomorrow will be totally different. (DH has different ideas about routine etc, so hard to get him to stop bouncing her so much to calm down or go to sleep). But I love her so much and that's the important part. She smiles and it melts my heart, even if she's been totally crying beforehand and I don't know why. I am starting to keep a log today of her EASY schedule, and see how it works... I plan to be really diligent over the next 2 weeks (no plans, except taxes are due! Ack...)

Hang in there, perseverence is the key... and remember, your LO needs you, no matter what you do. Most important is to love your baby.

mrsmynub · « **Reply #25 on:** March 18, 2006, 05:22:05 am »

Thanks for the kind words. Even with my lo going through such a big ordeal today, I did notice that putting him down when he was tired, but not asleep did still work. Even though he needed extra attention adn cuddles today, he still put himself to sleep.

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Author Topic: Please help - EASY is NOT EASY and I am at my wit's end. (Read 3852 times)