if could bf, why bottle feed?

[Stacie:Emma&Josh Mom]

I'm just wondering for those of you who could breastfeed, why did you choose to bottle feed?  I'm having an internal battle right now.  I've been breastfeeding for almost 7 weeks and it's hard.  Not sure that I'm committed enough to see it through but don't want to stop without being sure to weigh all the reasons and options.  BTW-One of my cons to bf is that ds is really hard to settle after bfing, but seems better after a bottle of formula, which I've done twice now as an experiment.  TIA

[Deb_in_oz]

Stacie - i really feel for you =- i dealt with that internal battle myself with Olivia.

I BF alex for 13 mo (the last 3 mo was just the morning BF as we had switch to 1 BF and 2 bottles). she had taken a bottle for dream feed from 3 - 7 weeks and then rejected the bottle because we had not done it every day. it took until alex was 7 mo to get the bottle back and that took us finally taking a 3 day weekend where we commited to it.

with Liv i decided from day 1 i wanted my options open so every day from week 2 she had a DF by bottle and then as my struggles began DH started doing a bottle at bedtime (1 bottle was EBM and the other ended up being formula from 5 weeks b/c i could not express enough for 2 full bottles). in order to express i had to do it when he was giving bottle at bedtime and the i did it after every night feed as my night supply was awesome. so there i was up for 1/2 hr in the night EACH feed expressing.. and then trying to get some rest before the next feed and so on and then expressing after breakfast feed. anyway, we started stressing about supply issues around 6-8 weeks because she just did not seem satisfied after BF as the day went on(especially the afternoon and bedtime slots)  and my supply and stress levels seemed worse from noon onwards. she woudl refuse to nap and woudl not take a top up feed from a bottle from me (wasting that precious EBM as well). as soon as Dh walked in the door in the early evening i handed him a bottle, she guzzled it and then woud sleep for 1-2hrs  that was enough to convince me to go down the formula road, but i still tried to balance the 2 for another few weeks until i decided i was stressing myself out of guilt over not BF when the continuation of BF was hurting both of us (at least in my mind) I always think back and wonder if i could have made it work, but the bottom line is no harm was done by switching and i had to let go of the guilt. I think the biggest reason i had guilt was because my goal (which i thought was realistic knowing i would have a toddler as well) was to BF for 6 mo. i felt like i failed. but then someone posted on here about her achievement because she had BF for 3 mo (the same as me in the end) and i realised it was all about perspective, i only felt like a "failure" because my goal had been higher than hers. we both BF for 3 mo but she felt like a champion and i felt like a loser KWIM? i think we put too much pressure on mothers these days about BF. yes the breast milk is a great gift to our children but the guilt we put on ourselves and that other women place on us is not necessary. we all do the best we can for our children and for ourselves and that is all that is important. on this matter and every other one that comes up - TRUST YOUR INSTINCT  of what feels right and let that be your guide.

that's my 2 cents or so.

[ambersmum]

Stacie,
          THere are so mant things to consider and I identify with your dilema. I desparately wanted to bf and for lots of reasons it was very hard. I managed 3 months, but that was with some formular.

Don't let anyone's expectations influence you, this is your decision(with support from your partner if you have one).

Just a thought, I stopped bf very slowly. I replaced one bf with a bottle every week until there was only one bf, then I carried on that one bf for several weeks. Admittedly, that did decrease my supply but it meant I was bfing(partly) for about 8 extra weeks. if anyone asked I said, 'I breast and bottle fed' and left it at that. Lots of people wanted to know why I was giving a bottle to a small baby, but if the above answer didn't satisfy them I said 'it is because of medical reasons that I'd rather not talk about'.Which was only partly true, but they shouldn't be so nosey.

I'm not saying you should do what I did, but I wanted you to know lots of people struggle and part bf and part formular is possible.

Whatever you decide do not let yourself feel guilty you are giving your lo all the love, food and nurture they need and they won't mind if it is bf or formular as long as their tummy is full! If nothing else your lo has had the benefit of 7 weeks of bf.

juliet

[The Vern]

Hi Stacie - my lo is 7 weeks now and I've been doing bf and bottle since day 1, as I had and continue to have low supply issues.  I'm also struggling right now with the same question - quit the bf and go to bottle solely or stay with it...  My reason for wanting to stop the bf is at this point it is taking soooo long to feed her doing both bf and bottle at each feed, so I've started to cut down on the times during the day that I bf, thereby I'm gradually weaning her and myself from bf-ing.  I agree with previous post, it should be done slowly for both you and you lo, as changing levels of hormones once again can wreak havoc on your system.  And personally, in spite of low supply, I do like bf-ing!  Good luck to you whatever you decide. 

[Colin Macs Mom]

I bottle feed because I am not able to BF, so I can't really comment on the situation properly, but I just wanted to throw out that there are benefits to bottle feeding too. Anyone can feed the lo and have that bonding experience, which has been wonderful for my DH and also other family members. Plus I have to admit that I have really appreciated being able to eat and drink what I want!   

Of course it's hard to argue that bottle feeding is just as healthy as BFing, but my lo has never had a drop of BM and he's healthy as a horse, and at 6 months has still never been sick or had an ear infection. Plus he's gigantic at 28 in and 22 lbs. 4 oz. Clearly he's getting nutrition. So, if you decide that bottle feeding is for you, don't feel guilty or worry that your lo won't be healthy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with bottle feeding.

[*Natasha*]

I so agree with Colin's Mum. My milk supply didn't come in until day 8 so of course i had to express until then and top up with formula. When my milk came in my DD wasn't interseted as she is a lazy eater and breastfeeding was to hard for her. My doctor also told me that it will probably happen to me again. I have to say i never really wanted to b/f but my Mum and MIL talked me into trying it. I have decided i will bottle feed againg with #2 but breastfeed as well in the first week so they get the goodness of colostrum. I find it easy and it also means DH and parents can feed them and thet also have that bonding experince withh them. I find it very relaxing and also a great bonding experinece to bottle feed my DD. I find their is far to much pressure on Mum's to breastfeed i think it was one of the reasons why my mlik took so long to come in due to stress.

[Stacie:Emma&Josh Mom]

Thank you all for your replies...  Right now I'm completely undecided so I'm continuing day to day.  I start back to work next Wednesday so we'll see how the pumping goes.  I've been pumping some after he eats in the morning and then again before going to bed at night so we'll see how it holds up.  And how much time it takes away from work...  You're supposed to pump for as long as they feed for, right?  Just checking.  I only work part-time so that's going to eat into my hours quite a bit, but I'm gonna give it a shot.  I also came to realize that I could always do some of both bf and formula or ebm so that dh can help me out some.  I'm going to give him formula as his last feed for the night so that dh and I can take turns doing his bedtime and dd's.  I miss my little girl at times since I'm always feeding ds.  I'm also hoping that his gas is an age thing.  I gave him formula today for his afternoon nap (as I have the past 2 days to see if he sleeps better/longer and I get a nap in) and although he does sleep better/longer, he still had issues passing his gas before falling asleep so maybe it's an age thing and not what I'm eating.  That would actually be a relief.  It just got worse last week and I can't figure out what changed in my diet so I'm hoping it just gets better in the next week.  I'm gonna hold on as long as I can and try to find a balance between bf, ebm and formula that works for me (such as formula as his bedtime routine, but bf as his cluster feed right before that one).  He also might get some formula while at daycare if I can't pump enough, but we'll see how that goes.  It just feels good knowing that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  I was trying to do all bfing and I think I need to compromise a bit to allow for dh to help more and me to get more sleep and therefore be a better mommy.  Thank you for the honest support.  I know bfing doesn't equal a good mommy, but the guilt thesedays can be overwhelming.  I know I'm not ready to stop bf completely though as the idea makes me sad, so we'll see how it goes one day at a time.  And realizing that missing one pumping session here and there while out isn't going to hurt anything takes some pressure off.  Thank you again.  It's good to be reminded that ds will be fine either way.  I lasted abour 7-8 weeks with dd after lots of issues and finally gave up with relief.  This time is going so much better that I feel bad giving in too easily so we'll take it a day at a time...  Thanks!

[Noelle]

Hi Stacie~

I tried hard to bf John....he was just soooooooooo sleepy (was jaundiced which didn't help any) and never latched well that it was just hard.  I bf for one month and then pumped for the second month.  When I finally decided to quit it was like I was a whole different person, much happier, relaxed, etc. and I started to enjoy John much more besides just stressing over feeding.

Then comes Zoe.  I was determined this time to try harder.  I didn't find bw until John was 4 months so I didn't really know anything about breastfeeding and how difficult it can be at first and that it's normal to be that hard. So I was prepared.  And Zoe was born and she was a GREAT eater...latched well, took full feeds etc.  BUT...I didn't LIKE it.  A lot of moms enjoy breastfeeding but I found I just didn't like it.  I actually dreaded feeding times.  So I quit.   I wish that I did like it because I know breast is best, but an unhappy mom doesn't make the best mom either, so I let go of the guilt and enjoyed feeding my baby...from a bottle. 

[Stacie:Emma&Josh Mom]

Thanks Noelle...that's exactly what I needed to hear... 

Today isn't such a great day so far.  I gave him formula for bed last night as I've decided to do.  He went down earlier than he has been so I actually got to bed by 9!  Then he was up at 2 and I bf so he was up again at 4...so I did formula.  He slept until 6:30 which is a bit short on formula but I think his tummy keeps waking him and then he thinks he's hungry.  So I stalled until 7 by letting him suck my finger and he dozed a bit but wouldn't sleep so I bf again.  Then he would NOT nap so I let him stay up and tried to keep him happy which is easier said than done and bf again 2 hours later (which is how long he's been going even when he naps).  He slept after that, but not easily...  He's asleep right this second and we'll see if he's up to eat again at the 2 hour mark.  I just don't get any time to spend with dd or get anything done such as a load of laundry.  I'm out of clothes!  I think if he would stretch to a 3 hour I might be able to do this a bit longer, but I'm not so sure right now with the 2 hour and going back to work and pumping and I just don't know...  He won't sleep unless he has formula or you basically get him completely and totally asleep in your arms after trying for a good 45 mins and then he only sleeps for 30.  Atleast with formula if you try that hard to get him to sleep, he sleeps atleast an hour and usually more. 

[LŠuren]

Hi

I had the same problem as Natasha, milk flow was late, had to express and give top ups with a syringe 
Then we saw that he was really sleepy during his feeds, I used to joke I was giving him sleeping tablets in my milk supply, but it turned out not to be funny when he was demanding feed every 30 mins.  It also transpired my flow was not very good and he was still getting the top-ups. I expressed until he was about 6 weeks so he got an bottle of EBM a day. I felt sad giving it up.

[Stacie:Emma&Josh Mom]

So we're trying to strike a balance with bfing and formula feeding so that he gets some bm and yet I get a bit more sanity...  Right now the plan is formula at night and for his feed right before afternoon nap in order for him to actually sleep and maybe let mommy nap if dd takes a nap or atleast has quiet time in her room.  So that leaves 2 morning feeds and 2 or 3 evening feeds that are breast.  Then I can pump fewer times at work (1-2 instead of 2-3) and last thing at night to help make up the difference from the work pumpings so he can have mostly ebm at daycare (with formula for the early afternoon feed to ensure that nap).  It's been working the past 2 days so we'll see.  It allows me to not feel quite so tied to him at night so dh can help too!  And yet I feel like he's still getting quite a bit of bm.   

[Lara's Mum]

hi stacie...
i guess bfing is alot harder than we all expected it to be...i wanted to bf so bad, but had so many problems after my c-section that sore nipples and a low supply was the last straw... i know i did all i could because my parents, dh and friends all say that if they'd been through the same they would've given up long before i did... but to be honest, now that the hard time's up, i sometimes wonder if my bond with dd would've been different....i guess deciding wether or not to bf is a hard choice, but its true that u shouldn't let anybody else influence you and that u r the only person to weigh of ur choices...
i'm saying this because i was on a trip with my parents and dh and dd a couple of days back and my parents took dd with them on plane and me and dh went by car...it was a long drive and i didn't want dd to stay locked up in a car all that time...
anyway when they came back, they brought dd with them by plane too and i had to stay for an extra night and EVERY SINGLE PERSON asked me how come dd was with my parents and if looks could kill, i'd be dead by all the stares at how come i was not bfing....  bottom line is nobody knows ur life and ur choices better than u..

whatever u decide we r all backing u up on it....

good luck

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