Deperate and about to let him Cry it out!

[Garrettsmom]

DS is on a 3/3.5 moving to 4 hour easy. He is 3.5 months old. I EBF. HE is waking at night crying! My DH wants me to go stay at my parents so he can let DS cry it out!!! I need a solution. Here is our night ritual:
6-last feed
6:45- bath, massage, book, bed ( i put him to bed awake)
7ish- asleep ( i sometimes have to go in there 2-3 times to resettle but no real crying)
10ish-feed
2ish-feed
2:30-4-- screaming, i go in resettle annd 2 minutes later the same thing. Last night I fed him after an hour thinking he had to be thirsty after all the screaming. He took a full feed. This was the only time I picked him up
4:30-6 sleep
6- feed
6:30-7:30- sleep
7:30ish wake for day
8:30ish down for nap

Garrett won't nap either. THe most he will take is a 45 minute nap. I can worry about the naps later its the night time sleep that is killing me! Its not a wet diaper or hunger than why at that time!??!!
PLEASE help before DH lets him cry it out!!

[Garrettsmom]

He has been asleep for almost an hour!!! His next feed is in 20 minutes. Should I wake him? I was putting him down for his nap after 2 hours of wake time but today tried 1 hour. Do you think this is the key? How do I keep him on a 4 hour EASY if he can't stay up longer than 1-1.5 hours? Sorry for all the questions i am just trying to get this right! THanks!

[Kimberly®]

First good for you for not letting your DH let him CIO. I suggest you print up the post about why CIO doesn't work and have him read that.
Second DON'T untill at least 1.5-2 hours wake him. Let him sleep up to 1.5-2 hour mark, preferabley the 2 hours to start, then you can wake him. Let him get some sleep
 
Now to the problem at hand, your LO is 3.5 months old so sticking with a 3.5 hour routine is fine, sounds like he needs that. I think the calprit is the 45 minute naps your LO is overtire and its effecting his night time feeding.  I'd like to see what your daytime routine is as it looks like you have a great night routine starting, just a little hiccup in the middle, not something we can't fix though. At this point it could be growth spurt, teething, gas, or habbitual. When he wakes does he stay awake every night? or just sometimes? is it a pain cry? what have you tried to settle him??
Send me your routine and the info I asked for and I'll look over it and see where to go from there. Be strong, your on the right track we'll have this figured out in no time {hug} I understand the frustration you and your DH feels we've all been there at one point or another thats why we're here to help you.

[Garrettsmom]

Thanks for responding!!! You responded the last time I posted and I REALLY appreciate it!!
I am very against CIO and will not do it!!
When he wakes he stays awake every night! I thought it was a pain cry at first but now I think its more a frustrated cry. HE does the same cry in his carseat. I lean over his crib, put the paci in his mouth and rub his head and hum in his ear. He sleeps in a positioner and I have the blanket wrapped around him tight but his arms free or he will struggle.

Here is our routine"
7:30ish wake, change, put in bouncer while i eat breakfast, or lay down and talk to, not alot of activity
8:15-8:30- take to room, rock and sing for about 5 minutes, put in crib
sometimes asleep for 30 sometimes for 2 hours- lately 30 but today 1.5
9:30ish BF, change, errands/play/stroller ride
11ish nap routine
1ish- BF, play
2:30- nap
4-BF
5ish catnap if he will
6-BF and begin nighttime routine

I do not take him out during his nap time unless it is an absolute emergency. He only like his jumper and his stroller so those are things we use. Usualy i just sit with him outside or play peek aboo.. i try not to overstimulate him. about 15 ,minutes before nap i try to walk around with him to bring him down. he uses a paci only when its sleep time.
Of course after I wrote the post.. he has been doing great today with his naps. i don't know what the deal is!

[Kimberly®]

If he's doing great with his naps today then watch him for the night and see if thats what he needed. If not post again in the AM and let me know what happend, actually let me know either way if you would
Is his first feeding of the day at 9:30am?? if it is you should try feeding him as soon as he wakes, and then start your routine on that time for feeds. At night it may be time to wean the swaddle completly as well as loose the positioner. You'll find when you do he'll start to move around the crib, watch to see if this causes problems, it may actually help though. If the wakings are new its possible its a growth spurt. Up the feeds during the day so he gets more during the daytime hours and it should help the night wakings. When he wakes at night try pat/shush then PU/PD then feed, that way you know if he doesn't settle its legitamit hunger. Its possible your inadvertantly overstimulating during the night feed and thats why he wont settle. (I had many nights that way before I figured it out) Make sure your quiet and its dark when you feed and see if that makes a difference. Now the hard part, keep calm, sounds stupid I know, but your LO can read you and he'll feed off your emotions, if your calm then he'll be calm.
Let me know how things go..
HTH

[Garrettsmom]

LAst night same thing. Kept waking from 8 to 10ish and then DF at 10:30 and then up again at 2 to eat and then woke up every few minutes until 3. Woke at 6 to eat. Refused 7 am first feed. Then refused to take naps except for 45 minute ones. My parents keep telling me that he will not always sleep 2 hours and not always at the same time. He stayed witht hem today while i took a nap and they said he was up for 2.5 hours and then ate a little and went to bed for 45 minutes. Should i just have 3 set nap times and put him down a t those times and let him sleep for however long he wants to sleep? or should i just let him sleep when he seems tired? i don't know what to do and my husband is really starting to put the pressure on me about him cio. he thinks i am coddleing him and that i am going to make him become a needy baby. ugh!!! i try not to pick him up too much in the day but when he is really fussy he just wants me to hold him over my shoulder and walk around.

[Leah67]

This will probably not be accepted happily in this website, but not that I think CIO is okay, but sometime you have to do what you have to do.

My experience, is that I have a 15 YEAR old, and a 1.5 year old, and now a 2 month old. 

I am trying SO hard with the new one to stick with the BW, but I have to say at this point that SOMETIMES it's harder than it has to be, that is, I think we have to remember that our babies are their own people and they'll do what they want.  After I read the BW, I think "well, okay, all I have to do is "this", and my baby will be "perfect"....

Well, that hasn't happened. yet.

But, I will tell you that my 15 year old is very well adjusted (honours in high school, etc) so I've done something right@

[Kimberly®]

The point of the BW method is not to say that you will have a perfict baby, in fact no baby is perfict, just like no person is perfict. The BW method is to listen to, bond with, and respect your child as a person. It gives you an alternative way to interact with you child and help them grow. No its not easy and yes its a lot of work, but its worth it.

The goal of this sight is to follow Tracy's methods to ensure healthy happy children, we discurage the use of CIO or CC  because of the detramental damage it does to the child and your bond with them and because there's a better way, that encourages a growth in that bond and relationship.

We ask that you not encourage members to use a method that we feel doesn't work, we have a post on the sight about why we feel it doesn't work. I'm glade that your 15 year old is well ajusted and triving, I'm also happy to hear you have 2 other beautiful children and we understand that its hard work, especially when you have 2 so young, but as I said we discurage CIO, and CC, if you use them then that is a choice of your own, please don't encourage it here though please, as it is in direct conflict with Tracy's methods.

I am sorry to hear you are having trouble with the methods of this sight but if you want the help we're willing to give it.

Thank you

[Mom to M&M]

I agree with Karisa. I would expect tha the reason most of us are here is because we want an alternative to CC or CIO and want a gentler way. For me, CIO and CC were never something I considered - I just don't believe in them.

Does BW make "perfect babies"? Of course not - nothing does. But it does help to get your baby on a good routine and find ways to help them sleep. Certain aspects of BW don't work for me (i.e. PU/PD). But others have been great. And it's that way with any book or theory - you take from it what works for you.

My little smuggums is a great independent sleeper AND knows that her daddy and I will be there for her whenever she needs us. She sleeps through the night (although we recently went through a phase of early wakings) and MOST days takes good naps. But when things happen and bumps come up, we know how to deal with them and do it together.

I and everyone here would be happy to help you - that's what we are here for! I also agree with Karita that your LO sounds overtired and that is why he is waking so much at night. Please keep in mind that it takes time for babies to adjust to new routines - so it may take a few days (or a week) of good naps to help adjust night sleep (or vice versa). If it helps, I can post our general routine at 4 months (DD is 7 months now).

[Garrettsmom]

I am so glad I came back to read the last two replies. I was very sad after reading the one by Leah67. I came here to get advice other than "cry it out." I do not, can not, will not let Garrett cry it out. So thank you for responding the way you did Karita and MArisa Mom. I thought I was being silly about CIO but I see that I am right!
Well nights are not any better and now its effecting his naps. Could ya'll look at my schedule and see what I need to fix. Most of his naps are only 1 hour max.
I EBF and sometimes he can't go 3.5 hours. I have been thinking about moving it back to 3 hours. I know he won't sleep but 45-1hour.

7am feed play
8:45 nap
10 feed play
11:45 nap
1feed play
2:45 nap
4 feed play
5:30ish cat nap
6:30 feed, bath, bedtime

[kgmf123]

Hello,

I'll be interested to see what is advised here.

 My dd is a month older than your baby. About a month ago she spent 10 nights waking every hour / hour and half. I put it down to being a growth spurt as she was constantly feeding (I too am bf). It nearly killed me but she is back to waking 4-5 hourly at night. I wonder if a better strategy should've been employed.

Kat x

[Mom to M&M]

You are quite welcome - glad to help.

Have you taken the quiz in the book and/or Easy Forum to find out temperament of your baby? That will help as well. For example, my DD is textbook/spirited - so her naps and sleeps are different from an angel baby or a touchy baby... It would help if you could let us know about that.

I wouldn't worry about sticking to 4-hour feeds right now. I think it's OK to be flexible and feed him every 3-3.5 hours based on his naps and when he is hungry. The main thing is just not to feed to sleep.

At his age, 1:45 awake time in the morning might be a tad too long. Maybe cut it back by 15 minutes and see if that helps - maybe you can get him to sleep from 8:30-10? The first A time of the day is generally the shortest. Maybe make that one 1.5 hours and then work up slightly from there?

Another thing to consider is whether there is anything in your diet that is affecting your DS and his sleep. Have you ever tried cutting out dairy or any other known triggers? If he is reacting to something in your diet ic could defintely hamper his sleep...

[Garrettsmom]

I will take the quiz and let you know. I have tried cutting everything out of my diet and nothing helps. He has horrible gas and so I cut all dairy (never really ate much), chocolate, caffeine.. nothing has helped. I will shorten his awake time in the am. Last night we also noticed if DH went in there to resettle he did MUCH better soo we are going to try that tonight. Poor DH never gets to sleep.
Thank you! I have been at my wits end and everyone is pressuring me to CIO and I refuse.

[Mom to M&M]

When you cut out all dairy, how long did you do it for? It usually takes 2 weeks for the dairy proteins that have built up to get out of the system... Also, there is hidden dairy in EVERYTHING so you need to look for that too.

If he is very gassy and having gas pains that could definitely be an issue waking him...

Yes, often with BF babies it helps to have the dad resettle - mom just smells like food!

Let me know what the quiz finds. Hang in there and we'll figure it out...

[Colin Macs Mom]

Garrettsmom, I have no advice as I have my own night waking issues, but I just wanted to lend yo some support. Everyone that I know (besides on here) just tells me to let him CIO. I'm amazed that people still think that's the best thing to do. As exhausted as we are I just could never do it. So hang in there the best you can and know that you're not alone! And good for you for not giving into the CIO pressures.

It's funny, my ds also settles better when dh goes in vs. me, and we bottle feed, always have. We've observed each other's routine when we go in and as far as we can tell we don't do anything differently. Who knows....

We also have had gas troubles, do you think this could be causing the waking, or at least contributing?