I gave Cory his soother when he was in the crib/In the bed with me/or the bassinet. I simply pulled the soother out when the sucking slowed. You'll notice when that happens. It goes from suck,suck,suck,suck,suck to suck...suck...suck.........suck. This is when I GENTLY pulled it out of his mouth. In many instances he would wake, look at me, turn his head and go to sleep. Other times he would cry ... and I would put it back in his mouth... and start all over. I didn't want him to cry and get worked up - that would have de-mellowed him. The longest it ever took us for him to fall asleep without it was about 12-15 minutes. That was the worst (not bad at all). Other times.. as he became used to the drill, he would fall asleep after the first pull out.
When Cory woke in the night, I would do the same thing... but honestly, sometimes I was too tired and he was not mellow enough to handle the pull out... so I let him have the soother. I do have him in bed with me. He enjoys his crib but until he can sleep longer chunks I can't imagine having to get up some many times a night and walk over to his room.
After a week (Last Sunday) I decided to let him have a cry down cry (the short kind where they are tired and definitely not hungry) and it was only 2 minutes of the tired cry and he went to sleep. His cry is like a roller coaster ... It goes up, up, up ... peaks......and then silence - sleep. I have heard this is very normal when babies have a little cry as they are trying to fall asleep. I always stayed with him during this time - usually putting my hand on his tummy and giving him some kisses - depending on what he needs.
We have not brought the soother out since Sunday morning... It's Friday! That habit is kicked and I think he loves the fact that he can fall asleep without mommy always interfering. He is an independent little guy! By the way, I have found that he falls asleep easiest when things have been very calm before bedtime (20 minutes before). This may be a little challenging if you have a 3 yr old running around.
He is 4.5 months... born October 14, 2005 - That is why I could totally relate to your situation. Same stage in life!
For the time being, until you know she can fall asleep without it, it may be worth buckling her into the car seat 10 minutes before you need to leave and do the pull out method before you embark on your journey- probably easier if she is coming up to nap time. I know some LOs always fall asleep in the car - regardless if they are tired or not. Perhaps you could let her have a few minutes of settle cry and maybe she will fall asleep within a few minutes of getting into the car. It is great for us because now if Cory is tired in the car - he can settle himself and I am not twisting my arm around the seat to try and get the soother in his mouth. It makes driving a lot safer for us. I can't concentrate at the best of times, lately!
From what I understand, it may be easier to get rid of the soother all together. It was easier for me to commit to getting rid of it all together because it was a problem for car rides/daytime naps and night sleeps. I also thought it may confuse him and delay him learning to fall asleep without it. It may not be as hard as you think. Sometimes parents have more of an attachment to the soother than the munchkin!
Let me know how it goes. I'm very interested.
Sarina
P.S. I did give Cory a receiving blanket to chew on and he tackles it while he is falling sleep. I went to wake him a few minutes ago and he had his arms around the blanket and had some of it is his mouth. He can selfsooth this way!