New here, and ready to run away!

[Karen_K]

Hi there

I'm the mother of three children, so you'd think I'd know what I'm doing, but my 4 month old daughter is NOTHING like my two boys were.  A little background....Laura was VERY big at birth...she was 11 lbs 4 oz    Now at 4 months, she's 18 lbs 12 oz.  She was exclusively breastfed until a cou;le of weeks ago, when I started her on rice cereal, hoping it would satsify her.  She's been nursing every hour and half since birth.  She's never nursed longer than 5 minutes at a time, which is why she's nursed so frequently.  She's never been a napper.  She's taken cat naps only when being held, so several weeks ago I got tough and started putting her in her crib (we've never co-slept).  She has never taken more than one hour naps, but mostly, they're only 30 to 40 minutes.  She was sleeping 8 hrs at a time at night, until she got a double ear infection about 4 weeks ago, and ever since then, she's up anywhere from 2 to 4 hrs all night long.  I used to nurse her before naps and bedtime, but I've been trying to get her on a 3 hr EASY schedule, so I stopped nursing her before sleeping, and now I just sing to her (which worked!).

She is a Spirited baby.  She can't sleep unless swaddled.  She can't be awake for long, because she gets really cranky.  Even having her awake for one hr is sometimes difficult.  The odd times she gets a good sleep, she is the happiest, sweetest baby on the planet!  However, when she overtired, she will often cry and fuss all day long.

We are both so sleep deprived.  Even when she does nap (however brief), I can't, because I have two other children who need time with me as well.  Last night I had a meltdown, when she fussed all afternoon.  I was going to put her to bed at 6, but after her bath, she was very happy and sweet, so I extended it to 7 pm.

The only constant, is that she's usually in bed between 7 and 7:30 each night, after her bath and being nursed.  From then on, she's up at around 11, 2, 4, 5, 5:30, and 6 

Can you do anything with a baby like this?  She refuses pacifiers (I've tried them all), and bottles (I've tried them all).  For the past four months, I haven't been away from her for longer than an hour. I love her to death, but I'm seriously going insane.  Her 'schedule' is kind of like this: 

6 am      wake up
6:30 am  nurses for about 5 minutes
7:30 am  either nap or we have to get the boys to school (so naps in the car)
8:30 am  cereal and nurses for 5 minutes
9:30       starts cryiing, so down for a nap
10 - 10:15 up from nap, screaming (try patting her, but gets more hysterical)
10:30     starts getting cranky, so I try nursing
11 am    Crying, so upstairs for nap
11: 30    up from nap
12 noon  veggies and 5 minute nurse
1 - 1:30  nap, depending on how fussy she's been (usually the whole time)
2 pm      wakes up, crying
2:15      nurses
3:30      nap
4:00      up from nap (mommy starts banging her head)
4:15      nurses
5:00      really starts crying and freaking out, so nap attempt, but no go
6:30      Cereal and nurse
7:00      Bath, nurse, swaddle
7:15      Down for the night, with little to no crying
11:00    First wake up for the night, etc.

As you can see, I suck    Anyhow, if you've read this, I thank you for your patience.  I just read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, but my friends said I should get Solves Your Problems instead.  I am picking it up from the library today (my husband will kill me if I buy another one...I have Healthy Sleep Habits, No-Cry Solution, Happiest Baby on the Block, etc.)

Thanks so much!

[corrina01]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you first of all.

There is two problems I can see here. 1) she is a snacker 2) she is so tired

At 4 months you will want to start moving her onto a 4hr EASY, that will tell you what to do in the BW solves all your problems book (page 230).

I think you are confusing her tiredness cues and hunger feeds.  I would put a stop to that immediatley, if you feed her every 3hrs to start with, and keep to the times.

Have you tried seeing her through her next sleep cycle?  Spirited babies don't like the patting element, because it sends them into a frenzy. So try the sssshhhing element only.  Block out any visual stimulation. 

The target you will want to aim for is 2hrs in the morning and 2hrs in the afternoon and a catnap (45mins) eary evening.

Do you feed when she is up at nights?

Have you checked your supply?  Maybe she isn't getting enough milk.

Enough questions for now.

[Karen_K]

Corinna, thanks so much for replying.  I deinfitely don't have supply shortage.  I have enough milk to feed an army    I have been feeding her at night, and I'm embarrassed to admit, it's because I know after a 3 minute feed, she'll go back to sleep    It's so hard when I have to be up for the other two the next morning and get them ready for school.  I know it's a bad excuse, but I just think if I didn't nurse her, she'd wake up completely and freak out.

The past few days, I've been extending her feeds to 3 hrs, and she's done pretty well, really.  I have more trouble with keeping her awake AND happy.  I hear about others popping the paci in, and I'm sooooo envious!  I'm sure I was confusing tired for hunger, but when I did try putting her down as soon as she appeared tired, I was putting her down after half an hour of wake time 

ETA...I'm not sure what you mean by seeing her through her sleep cycle.  Do you mean stay in her room, and start shhh'ing when she starts to wake up?  Do I do this for the full two hours, if necessary?  Also, how do I block out visual stimulation?  At night it's completely dark, but during the day, her blind doesn't really do much other than dim the room a tad.

[Karen_K]

I don't know if this helps, but I observed her during her nap.  At exactly 40 minutes, her eyes just flicked right open.  No stirring beforehand.  She literally goes from asleep to awake with nothing in between 

[corrina01]

I think she is overtired, and 4 months is a hellish time I think for all mothers, I know it was for me.

Did she sleep when she was put down? If yes, was it the for 30 mins only.

Seeing her through the sleep cycle, it is when she wakes up either after 30mins, 40mins, they wake and you have to do the sssshhhing to get them back to the next sleep cycle.  

What you could do, is stay in her room to see how she sleeps, and then when she starts to stir, go to her, and lay a hand on her body and start sssshhing, so she can go through to the next sleep cycle.  Be warned for the first few go's she will wake up, wondering what you are doing, but if you can accomplish this all the better.

How to block out visual stimulation, keep a hand over her eyes, or do something that she can't be distracted by what is going on around her.  For spirited babies a very dark room is in order, as when she wakes, she'll see something, even though she is tired, want to know what it is.

Have you got the book out of the library yet?

[Karen_K]

I went to the library and stood there while they went through the re-shelving cart until they found it for me    I've been reading it through, but I admit, I feel a little overwhelmed by it all.  Should I take the three days to log her days, or should I just jump right into it?  I did try shushing when she woke up after 30 minutes (she goes down pretty easily), and she just started laughing at me    She was WIDE awake.  She was happy for about 5 minutes and then she was cranky all over again *sigh*  It's so odd that she goes down with very little trouble, but can't stay asleep.  It's really frustrating 

[corrina01]

Yes it is a bit overwhelming. 

I would do the log for the first 3 days, and then you should see a pattern emerging.

Start with the sleep technique.  You are just trying to teach Laura how to sleep.  Start with page 171 first, Teaching Babies how to sleep.  Then when you have done that or well on the way to doing that, most likely the rest will fall into place.

After 40 mins (sleep cycle lasts 45mins) she will wake up, but you have to teach her to fall asleep again.  The key is consistency, do it every nap time and every bedtime, she will get the hang of it eventually. 

When my DD was going through this, it took me about 3 weeks to a month, to teach her to fall asleep again.  But I kept at it, even though I wanted to give up many times.

You can do this, and you'll want to give up, but please keep at it. 

HTH and anymore questions please feel free to ask.

[Karen_K]

Corinna, can you come live with me?    Thank you so much for all the tips.  I'll start my log tomorrow and go from there.  Luckily, March Break starts next week, so I don't have to get up early, or drag her out to get them to school, etc.  It might be the perfect time to start.  In the meantime, I'll start reading pg 171.  Does the PU/PD method work with a Spirited/Touchy baby?

[corrina01]

Corinna, can you come live with me?

lol, I wish I could.

See page 257 about half way down, with the PU/PD.  It all depends on whether she is more spirited than touchy.

Keep us updated on the progress.

I know you will get there 

[Mum of girl, boy, boy]

Hi there,

Just wanted to offer support and say I hear you struggle. The positive is that at least you little girl has started to reach the ages of PU/PD and they do understand so much more but it is hard work but worth it. When your ready to give in hang in there. You will have a good sleeper and feeder.

Some things I have done with my two which I believe help:

put dark towels over crib to block out light (be careful though)
give a bath in the middle of the day or morning. They seem to think its time for a nice long sleep especially if it's dark.
if really overtired and as a one off (taken them for a walk in the pushchair to get them back on track by bathtime)
if looking too tired to reach bathtime I put baby down for a 15 min nap and then wake him up. (he doesn't seem to mind)
try not to feed under 3/4 hours even though I find it hard emotionally not to offer it.
if he wakes at 45 and won't go back I get him up for 20 mins and then put down again but this can't be done every time but can stop the overtiredness from recking the rest of the day.

Finally - my rule of thumb is: if in doubt overtired.

Any how. Good luck.

Best Wishes

J

[Karen_K]

Julie, those tips are great!   Laura loves her bath, and I was wondering if it would be wrong to give them to her before each nap. 

Another problem, is that she's teething, and I think she's in pain.  She's drooling buckets, chewing her hands, had red cheeks and I see two red bumps on her gums.  I'm sure this isn't going to help either of us in the process.

I so appreciate all the support, ladies.  I keep saying thank goodness she's my last baby, because if she'd been my first, I don't think I would have been brave enough to have more!