Feeding with Love & Good Sense

[jubee]

Okay!
So I re-read a little bit out of Ellen Satter's book feeding with love and good sense.  She says toddlers should not be catered to and they should eat from the family table.  So no fixing our ds something that I know he likes and will eat, he needs to eat what we are eating.  I understand this should be the case but making it happen is a whole other story.  He really is picky.  I am not sure if he is picky because I allow it or because he just is.  He eats things like macaroni and cheese, pizza, grill cheese sandwhiches, bean and cheese burritos, chicken nuggets, fruit, yogurt,cereal,cheese, etc.  He is so hesitant to try anything that he isn't positive he will like and I hate to let him go hungry so I end up catering!  I want him to be a well rounded eater but I don't want to let him go without to make it happen.  Any advice? The whole division of responsibilty with regards to his eating  - I decided what and when and he decides if and how much, really just isn't happening.  Perhaps I care to much about whether or not he eats.  I need to find a good way to balance this out.  Help please.

[ryan's mum]

well he eats a lot more different foods than Ryan ! Ryan hardly eats many foods but i refuse to have a battle over it , all i gain is him refusing to eat altogether. if i know he won't eat what we are having , which is most of the time , then i will cook something for him , at least he is eating.
  if i was to put in fromt of him what we eat then he just wouldn't eat at all , he's not willing to try , untill he is then i am going to carry on cooking seperately. we have had soo many problems in the past with foods because of his reflux , i used to get so stressed and worried that he wasn't eating enough. well he's healthy , putting on weight , so in my opinion it's best to feed what he will eat , rather than push him to eat what you want him to eat. i have always done home cooking for Ryan and at one point he would eat anything and everything , yes life was soo much easier then , but it can be easy now too if i just cook what i know he will eat. i never let him go without if he won't eat what is put in front of him , i know the day will come when he will be willing try different foods , or food off our plate , that will be his decision.
   

[Noelle]

Hi!! 

Please don't take anything I say personally against you, it's just my thoughts on it and I don't seem to write very eloquently -----

That books says that?     Not very BW in respecting the child    I know it would bother me if dh cooked, but never anything that I liked, LOL.  Just seems harsh to me?  Not every book is the "right way"...as there is a book for just about every method you can think of 

Anyway  , what I do is, since I always offer breads/dairy/protein/vegetables in every meal (fruit is dessert), I always make sure one of them is something that he likes (always gets dairy in the milk anyhow).  So other options are always there to try, and if he asks for seconds for what he likes, I give it.  If they see you eating it, not making a big deal over it, eventually I think they will become more adventerous.  Plus, I think it would be hard to make someone like something - or make them be hungry for that matter   And trying to force foods has more potential for creating food issues I would think??

Hope this helps, and again I don't mean it personally or to sound harsh...just not sure how to write it without sounding like it. 

[jubee]

You don't sound harsh at all!   I am just wondering if I am doing the right thing with regards to his eating.  I do offer other things that are not on his list of "will eat" but usually they are refused.  There are so many different opinions out there.  More than anything I want to do what is best for him in the short and long term.  Obviously I can't make him eat or like anything, but there has got to be a way to broaden his horizons.  I hope that it will happen naturally and that giving him the things I know he'll eat everyday isn't hindering him in someway.  I am a stay at home mom so he doesn't go to daycare(so happy we are able to do this).  If he did attend daycare he would be offered the same lunch, snack, etc as every other child and I just wonder if his "pickyness" would be any different? Does that make any sense at all  

[mommyOfX]

I just wanted to say I understand what it's like to be stressed about your lo's eating.  I had a lot of eating issues with Xavier when he was smaller (and still do, though I try not to let it get to me too much).  I found 'Feeding with Love and Good Sense' quite good in helping me change my attitude and relaxing about his eating - but of course, every baby and parent is different and you have to do what you're comfortable with.  I used to make an entirely separate meal for Xavier (he was 13-14 months and refusing baby food) but now at 20 months, 8 times out of 10 he will eat exactly what we're eating.  I still make some back-up food in case (e.g. if we are having chili, I make him some pasta).  How old is your lo?  Maybe just doing things very gradually; make him his dinner, but begin by offering him some of yours.

Everyone (doctors, books) say toddlers won't starve themselves and they eat when they're hungry, but it is soooo hard not to worry when they don't seem like they're eating enough.  As long as he's healthy and growing, try not to stress.  I think, for me, Xavier was picking up on my stress during mealtimes and that didn't help matters.

Good luck!

[Petunia]

My son is an extremely picky eater as well.  What he doesn't like he just really doesn't like!!!  He's not refusing one food that he could eat in order to have me cater to him with a different food he would rather eat.  I think your little guy sounds the same way.  It's not that you are bending over backwards to give him whatever he wants, it's that you are conscious of what he does and does not eat.  I think this is an important distinction.  I think advice like what you mentioned from the book is designed to keep your child from controlling you when it comes to food.  But it goes a little too far for us picky eaters.  

I would continue to do what you do with offering him other foods that you know he will refuse.  I do the same with my son with new foods.  I simply keep putting it on his plate with the other food I know he does like.  However, once I know he really hates a food, I do not continue to offer it to him because I think that is silly.  We continue to eat other foods in front of him, and occasionally he requests some of what we eat.  Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't.  I think this nonconfrontational method is much more effective in the long run.  One day, maybe not until their into puberty, these boys will suddenly develop a voracious appetite.  If there's never been struggles and battles of will over food then they will be open to trying everything at that point.

Also, once children are a little older a really, really good way to get them interested in eating new foods is to have them help you cook and prepare meals - regularly.  Something about handling the food and watching it all come together really helps picky eaters to overcome their pickiness.

You are right about children being more open to try new foods when in a peer group.  All of a sudden a child who never ate graham crackers loves them at school.  But you can't duplicate this setting at home.  I think it has something to do with the nonconfrontational way they are exposed to other people (and a lot of them at once) eating a new or disliked food.  But even a peer group's influence won't get a child to like something they truly don't.

[~Angie~]

I agree with all of the above. My son has just recently became a picky eater. He used to eat anything and now has only a few select favorites. I too try to fix something I know he will eat with every meal and then offer the new food as a side. If he eats it, fine. If not, we try again the next time we serve it. My parents were the type that said to eat what was served or go hungry. It never made me like the food, just not eat.   

[jubee]

Thank you all for your advice and support.  I'll just keep trying in a low pressure way like we have been.  I guess I just wish that someone could tell me for sure that he'll grow out of this and to stop worrying about it.  I don't want him to grow up to be a spoiled kid that will only eat such and such.  We all have our food preferences and that is fine, I just wish that feeding him was more simple.  I don't want to have to be so concerned about it, KWIM.