Difficulties helping out at night

[Armydad]

Hello everyone.  My wife started reading this forum avidly after she got the book, and with the amount of experience here, I'm hoping someone with a comparable experience can help out.

Our Lewis is about 4 and a half months old.  Although he slept through the night for the first time this week, he's been averaging 2-3 wake-ups a night, requiring a feeding most times.  My wife breast-feeds, so I can't help out much in this department.  Even bottle-feeding isn't much of an option.

My current job training in the Army keeps me away from home about 13 and a half hours a day.  The demands of the training I'm undergoing are very strict, wherein even momentary lapses in concentration can fail me out.  Since my job is our only source of income, my wife has been handling all of our son's nocturnal awakenings.

We have a short period coming up in which I won't be very busy at work, and we're both hoping that I can handle the pick up and put down tactic to settle Lewis into a more solid sleeping pattern.  However, I'm just not very good at calming our son down.  I guess that's what I get for averaging 2-3 waking hours with him every weekday.  Regardless of my past slacking in this department, I need to get better at this.

I generally get home after physical training just before we start our put-Lewis-to-bed sequence.  As I don't have time to shower until after he goes to bed, I'm still pretty smelly; could that be bothering him?  I also usually shave over 12 hours before his bedtime, and have a 5 o'clock shadow by then (itchy and scratchy).  My wife has also told me that babies are more responsive to higher-pitched noises and voices, and I'm a bass.  Then there's the possibility I really don't like: that my son just doesn't really know or trust me yet.

I could really use some suggestions on how to improve my baby calming skills.

[deb]

Hi and welcome Armydad!!!!!! It's nice to have a few more guys here; gives us chicas a different perspective! I also have a DH whose work sometimes runs so early and so late that he doesn't get to see one of the girls at all once in a while, and very limited time with the older one when that happens (he works for the DoD), so I can kind of relate from the wife perspective. Fortunately, his current boss is understanding about family time, and his current situation USUALLY supports his getting home at a decent hour; if only Washington DC traffic would consistently cooperate!

Anyway, I'd say that the best thing you can probably do is spend as much time with your DS (that's Dear - or Darn, depending on how you feel at any given moment! - Son) as you can so he's comfortable being around you. I wouldn't worry too much about a good sweat making him nervous, but if you think it might be an issue maybe your DW can hold him while you and she catch up while you shower and DS can at least hear your voice and you can play with hm directly afterward? (gently, of course, so as not to wind him up before bed Just your presence as often as you can spare it will help amiliarize him with you.

As for night wakings, I discovered that with our firstborn (now 4), if I sent DH in to do night wakings, he didn't smell like milk so she'd settle more easily for him not expecting a feeding, That doesn't work with DD#2, who thinks that Daddy is her personal plaything, and if he's there he's there to play, and if she wants a feed she'll yell the house down and otherwise she'll wake up happy to see him and wanting to play. This isn't too restful for me, but she's a stubborn little thing and that's the way it is, at least for now. I do manage to stuff her as full of calories as I can in the afternoons and evenings and we hope for the best from there.

The high-pitched voice? Even basses have falsettos for a reason! Seriously, though, both my DD's seemed to get a kick out of the differences in DH's and my voices. When my DH uses a falsetto, though, it tends to make the DD's giggle, so use sparingly!

If you're going for pu/pd, you have my admiration. I never managed to do it with either of mine, as I'm more of an instant-gratification person AND I literally can't stand the crying; it sends me around the bend in a hurry. May want to check out the appropriate forums, read/download Tracy's Sleep Interview (try General Sleep forum?), and make sure you and the wife know what you're in for before you get started so you're on the same page. Otherwise, all I can say is GO FOR IT!!!!!

[Armydad]

Thank you for the advice!  I seem to be getting a little better at calming him.  The falsetto creates some confusion, but since that beats fussing, I think I'll try throwing that in a bit more.  Last night, though, I was able to calm him down by singing to him in my regular voice (softly).  While his calm only lasted about 5 minutes (turns out he wanted some milk), it did help me feel a little better about this.

I'm not sure if pick up and put down is appropriate for our son at the moment.  He seems to be in another growth spurt now, and wants to eat rather frequently at night.  I'm hoping to help by bottle-feeding, but bottles only seem to upset him.

[ry,cait&alex]

Here's one other thing that you might try....after you have bathed....get your wife to bring you son into the shower with you.  Might need to turn the temp down, but you would be able to bathe him, spend quality time and give your wife a break.

And you are not SLACKING...you are doing your job to support your family.  No one can or should fault you for that.  My dh is in law enforcement and an exCoastie so I know the time away from the family is long....you guys are great, in my book.  Both you and my dh seem to be very family oriented and your wife and I couldnt' be more lucky.  Keep up the great work!!

b