23mo wide awake at night for hours - help! (long)

[lcalado]

Hi everyone,
I've been lurking for a while trying to find posts that might help with my situation, but I'm desperate and need some advice. My situation is similar to the "problems at bedtime with 22 mo old" post with one major difference. My dd is 23mo and also just started throwing major tantrums in the past week. However, our biggest problem isn't with going down at bedtime or naptime (although those times aren't easy lately either). Last night was the second night this week she was wide awake for almost 2 hours (2:30-4:15am).  Whenever this happens, she doesn't like to be left alone, which is mine and dh's fault because we've never done wi/wo. We're okay with staying in her room, but 2 hours is too much! And it stresses me out because I know she's not getting enough sleep! I don't know what is causing this!!

The most frustrating thing is that two nights this week she slept like an angel, one of those nights she didn't need any help, so I know she can sleep completely through the night, I just don't know the magic formula! The worst part about her waking is that she only wants mommy; she screams when my dh goes in to help her, and he could be up with her for an hour, but once I go in it takes me half the time, if that. But I'm expecting a new baby in the next few weeks and once the newborn arrives, I won't be able to help her anymore because I will be breastfeeding and so will be up with the baby... So I feel very desperate about solving this!

I'm trying Tracy's suggestion of looking at the entire day for clues. The sudden increase in super-tantrums along with these nightwakings is definitely suspicious. And my instinct is that the tantrums all are related to increased separation anxiety. I have a strong suspicion that she can tell a new baby will be coming along in a few weeks and has therefore become very clingy with me. Another possibility I've come up with is that she's having nightmares. We haven't started anything new recently during the day; she goes to her regular playgroup and gym and music classes. But there have been increased incidents lately of other kids hitting her or her fighting with a child for a toy. She doesn't get very upset when these occur and I'm able to talk to her calmly about it, but I'm wondering if maybe she replays them in her mind later.

A sample routine from yesterday:
6:15am - wake
11:30am - lunch
12pm - begin naptime routine
12:30pm - asleep
2:45pm - I woke her up from nap
6:30pm - dinner
7pm - bath and jammies
7:45pm - storytime & snack
8pm - she indicated she wanted to go into crib
8:15pm - asleep

We are very consistent with the nap and bedtime routines; they only change if dd leads the way. Also, I know her bedtime is later than most, but I tried moving it a bit earlier and she started waking earlier too; it's as if she has an internal alarm clock for 10 hours at night. I let it go because (until the recent tantrums) she has always been happy and never showed signs of sleep deprivation during the day. Her naps have been consistently about 2 hours; I always wake her by 2 hours 15 minutes if she's still sleeping.

So does anyone have any ideas about these long spells of wakefulness in the night? I am completely stumped! TIA so, so, so very much for your help!!
Cheers,
Liesl

[rach]

Hi Liesl

Firstly it sounds like you've got a great routine going for your little one.  My DD has a bedtime of around about 8pm too - that's the time that works for both us and her - especially on weeknights - by the time i've collected her from the childminder after work, made tea, done her bath - the evening has whizzed along!

I think for your little one's night wakings, I would try the wake-to-sleep method - is it consistently the same time each night that she wakes?  If so, go into her room an hour before she would normally wake and then wake her - not fully - but do something like change her nappy.  Don't engage in conversation with her, and when you've done changing her nappy, simply say, its still night-time, lets go back to sleep.  She may be a little cranky as she goes back to sleep, but if you do this for 3 nights running, it should help to break the habit of her waking up and she should sleep through till morning.  Tracy also recommends this method for those little ones who wake up early - it helps to extend their sleep time to a later wake up time.

I hope that this helps you, please keep us posted with how you get along.

((((HUGS))))

Rachel xx

[lcalado]

Thanks for your advice, Rachel. I actually have used the wake-to-sleep method in the past when she started waking for the day around 5:30am, and it worked. Unfortunately these long nightwakings aren't at the same time every night; it's one of the first things I thought of too!

Last night I put her to bed a little bit early because I knew she was exhausted from being up the night before. She was asleep by 8pm, and she woke for the day right at 6am. Her internal alarm clock again... but she never needed us in the night even though she cried out a few times (we're pretty good about not going into her room unless it's obvious she needs help). So every other night has been a dream, while those in between have been hell. The interesting thing is that her good nights have been after days she has spent with grandma, and although my mom could definitely be playing down the tantrums, she only says "oh, she had a little fit but got over it quick." Nothing that sounds like the major tantrums she had the days before the bad nights. Today was a good day with no tantrums.  Keeping my fingers crossed...