Awake at night for hours

[Jesse]

Hi there,
some advice would be great as I'm stumped, and don't know what's causing this or how I should repond to it. In the last couple of weeks or so my lo has started waking in the night at around 3-4am, and can't get back to sleep. On the occasional night she does sleep through to about 6.30am. When she can't get back to sleep she gets pretty fustrated, and starts grumbling. This gradually gets louder and louder. When it gets to a certain level I go in to check on her but I can't seem to help her, my presence doesn't help her to relax more, and there's nothing obvious distressing her, or that I can give her. She doesn't seem to be upset about anything other than not being able to sleep.  

I'm not sure why she can't get back to sleep, and I'm also not sure how I should respond to these wakings, should I go in more or less, should I stay with her or not (I have tried staying with her and also going in and out quickly, neither seems to make a difference). Should I not go in at all until she's crying properly. I have started to get her up earlier than the norm, today we started the day at 5.30, I thought her trying to sleep in the cot from 3am was long and fustrating enough, and it wasn't going to happen. Do you think it would have made more sense for her to stay in the cot until her normal wake-up time? This is obviousy affecting our routine and I'm worried about bad habits forming.

My Lo is eight months old next week, is breast fed and on four hour easy. She goes down for her daytime naps and at bedtime very well and usually falls asleep within 15 min. Her routine used to go something like this.

7.00am wake/ breastfeed
8.00am solids for breakfast
9.00 sleep usually for 2 hrs
11.00am wake/breastfeed
12.00pm solids for lunch
1.00pm sleep usually 1.5 hrs
3.00pm breatfeed
5.00pm catnap for 0.5 hr
5.30pm solids for tea
7.00pm bedtime

She is addicted to her paci, but most of the time she is able to find it for herself in the night. I have thought maybe she's sleeping too much in the day for her age and have tried to lengthen her awake times but it's been a bit tricky as she's so tired from being awake all night. She is trying to crawl (not yet succeeding) and has eight teeth already. I think her first molars are on the move also.

Your thoughts on what might be causing these night wakings, how long they may go on for, and how best to deal with them would be great. Thanks.

[Katet]

Gosh I wish I could look at most posts & see a reason as easily as I could yours... when I saw the 8months & still having a cat nap... she NEEDS to drop the catnap. She isn't really getting awake times long enough to be tired enough to need a good long night sleep.
at 8months her awake time should be approaching 3 hours (maybe 2.75) & 2 naps a day of about 3 hours total is pretty much normal.

I'd suggest delaying the first to 9.30am & then the second to 1.30/2pm, you will probably have a week or so that getting past that catnap time is hard work, but at her age she really should be ready to go to 2 naps & I am pretty cetain that it is the cause of your problem, that she isn't actually tired/stimulated enough to need the long night sleep

[Jesse]

Wow, thanks for such a speedy reply! I did think that she slept alot for her age but she always seemed tired after 2hrs up so I put her to bed. I'll start extending her awake times tomorrow, so I can get rid of the catnap. I'll keep you updated and let you know when she finally begins to sleep through again. Once again, thanks, your advice is very much appreciated.

[Jesse]

Hi there,
it's been a while since my last post and things haven't improved. My lo is now 9.75 months old. I adjusted my lo's routine as advised. It now goes something like this
6.30am awake and b/f
7.30am solids for breakfast
9.00 sleep usually for 1 hr
10.00am wake/snack
11.30pm solids for lunch
12.30 b/f
1.00pm sleep 2 hrs
3.00pm wake/snack
5.00pm solids for tea
6.30-6.45 pm bedtime

Her wake ups have been gradually getting earlier and earlier in the night. Currently she is waking at around 9.30 pm and doesn't get back to sleep until 12ish, after lots of crying. She wakes usually only once, and about 2 in every 7 she will sleep right through. I have been going in to her everytime she wakes, I generally don't pick her up unless she is really, really upset and usually just hold her hands to settle her. She has real difficulties getting back to sleep and this is not improving.

I'm at a real loss now what to do next, should I just give up and stop trying to figure out what's going on and just go with the flow. I have to admit that cio is also begining to look like an option. This has been going on since she was 5.5 months old and I really don't feel as if i'm (she's) making any progress.

Please help.

[Katet]

How does she actually go to sleep at night, what is the routine?

Can I ask, why you don't pick her up? I actually think it could in part be separation anxiety & that giving her a bit of a cuddle would help her go back to sleep faster,

Have you tried offering water to drink? I went through a patch with my ds#1 when he just wouldn't settle & after trying everything, I gave him a sippy of water & he "guzzled it"... I gave him more to drink in the day & the waking got better... I also noticed with my ds#2, the same, now I am only giving 3bf, if he drinks less than about 8-100z of water a day, he will often wake at night looking for it.

Just some thoughts... but sometimes it can be developmental & one thing sorts itself out & another arises... is she crawling/pulling up?

Oh & what do you do when you actually go to her when she wakes up? Do you give her her Paci?... that may be part of the problem

[Jesse]

Her bedtime routine since birth has always been the same. Bath for 15-20 minutes, breastfeed, cuddle then bed. I give her a paci. She always goes down quietly and is asleep within 15 min. This is the same for her naps, she goes down quietly, usually without a squeak unless she's abit overtired as I haven't got her to bed soon enough.

I don't pick her up because it I feel  most of the time it doesn't help.  Sometimes it's as if she's saying 'I'm trying to sleep, this isn't helping'. Sometimes it does settle her if she's crying but she'll start again as soon as I put her down. She seems to like it best when I just hold her hands. Gosh, at this point it feels like I've tried everything and can't figure out what helps and doesn't.

I have offered her water, she's not interested. I know she would take a breastfeed (always will) but I don't think she's hungry. She is crawling and pulling up. Could developmental waking go on this long?

I  usually don't have to give her her paci when she wakes as she's already got it. I feel that removing the paci is the only thing I've not done. Do you think this is what I should try next, I have been reluctant to get rid of it as I'm not sure whether it's the problem.... or maybe I'm just avoiding the issue.

[Katet]

I'm at a loss, but for me the fact she "would take" a breast feed if you offered it kind of says to me "thirst" could be an issue.
Devdelopmental issues do/can go on a long time, but the regularity of it keeps me going back to a "thirst" issue.... also the "trying to get to sleep"... that for me has always been a "sign" thist or pain... they want to be asleep but something is stopping it.
 Have you tried getting your dh/dp to go in & offer water... that was how we worked out that was the issue with ds#1.
I think if mostly she has the Paci, then it isn't a problem.

[teezee]

have you tried giving the water in a sippy or straw cup at night rather than a bottle - that works for my lo

also, have you tried extending A times at all? all lo's are differnt but if nothing else is working you may want to try extending a little bit here and there and maybe limiting naps somewhat. at that age my lo couldn't sleep more than 2.5hrs max! good luck!

[Jesse]

Thanks for the suggestions.

I'll make sure I keep offering her water when she wakes. I already give it to her in a sippy as she doesn't take a bottle. I'll ask DH to go and offer it to her and I'll see how that gets on.

If this doesn't help I'll try to extend her A time again and cut some time off the naps.