16 month old fighting bedtime and waking at night

[Little Dot]

As I write this my husband is putting our dd to bed and she is crying and screaming blue murder. This has been happening for a few nights now, taking anything up to an hour or so for her to drop off asleep. Also, last night she woke crying at 2am and continued to do so for 2 or 3 hours.
She isn't poorly and is fine right up to bedtime and so I think we are dealing with some separation issues possibly???!!!
We have had problems with sleep since she was little and probably like most people we have good weeks and bad. However, any difficult nights have been resolved with PU/PD etc. Until about a week ago she was doing well then she started cutting her molars and wasn't eating well during the day. She started waking at 4/5ish hungry and after a drink of milk would go back to sleep. Now she is eating fine but a habit seems to have been set already and she is still waking early but I don't think she is hungry! Also we are trying to make the transition to 1 nap at the moment. Maybe these things have contributed?? Sorry for rambling. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I think she seems to be getting upset at us leaving the room and although she eventually drops off at bedtime she is obviously waking with the same problem in the night. I'm not sure how to deal with it. Last night I was sat with her for almost 3 hours and I know it was the biggest mistake I could have made but I brought her to bed and we all went to sleep. I bought the BW toddler book and I think it is saying that with separation issues not to leave her when she is crying and just be present in the room even if it does take hours for her to settle and if she cries hard to pick her up and calm her then put her straight down. I wasn't sure if I should be leaving the room or staying, if I should be picking her up or leaving her to cry for a certain length of time. I'm prepared to stick at whatever it takes to get her back on track but really, really need some guidance please if anyone can help.
I've just read that back and it's all over the place but I'm worn out and just wanted to get as much across as possible in the hope someone can help.
Thanks x

[imsmum]

whew--lots of issues there!  Could be separation issues but might also be the need to go down to one nap.  If they still take 2 naps but only really need one they will often go to sleep later than their optimal time which can often cause night waking. 

With respect to the night waking you may just want to stay in her room like the method Tracy sets out in her book.  If that doesn't improve things it's probably that she needs to go down to the one nap.

[Nicole-Momtomegan]

HI!
I think i might actually be able to help you!
i'll try and make this quick. My dd went to one nap about 2 months ago (at 16mo's) and it has been horrible. since then her one nap is generally only 1-1.5hrs long tops! she has been waking sporadically at night and crying alot at bedtime and naps.
i was reading something that Michelle-megsmom sent me and it clearly said that if you're transitioning to one nap and your child ins't getting eough sleep that it will cause early wakings and night wakeups!
it said to put them to bed EARLY! even 6-7pm or earlier!
i had been putting meg downa t 7.... so the other day after a rough night and only a ONE hour nap:(...she was so tired,  i put her to bed at 5:30pm!! she went right to sleep, no crying, no wakeups and slept until 6am! you would be surprised how much junk can be related to OVER tiredness. last night i put her to bed at 6pm (you want to aim for 4.5hrs after they wakeup from their nap to be in bed). that's what has worked for us and many others.
anyway, i put her to bed at 6pm and she slept until 6:15am this morning. i heard her babbling at 3am but i didnt' need to go in.
i've also been doign the wake to sleep at the 1hr mark for naps and getting an extra 45min out of her totally 1hr 45min so that's not bad. tonight she will be in bed again at 6:15pm.
you may want to try this!! My sister's 2yr old daughter has also been waking early, fussing at bedtime etc...so last night she put her to bed at 6:50 and she was out cold by 7pm with no fussing. she normally puts her down at 7:30 and she isnt' aslep until 8pm.
so, she was surprised too! sometimes just a  difference of 15min to 30min can make the difference of them being overtired or not. you need to do this for 5-7 days as well.
let me know how it goes if you try it and what your dd's schedule is like right now?

Nicole
p.s i think i'll post this for others too:)

[Little Dot]

Thanks so much both of you for your advice.
Nicole, I got the same info from Michelle-megsmom about earlier bedtimes and it has absolutely sorted the bedtime screaming. Heres what has happened the past few days since writing in: Erin has been waking about 6/6.20am so couldn't make it all the way to lunchtime for one nap and has infact been tired and ready for a nap about 3 hours later. I'm letting her sleep no longer than an hour so we can still fit an afternoon nap in. So, she is awake from nap one by 10/10.15 and starts to get tired again at 2 ish. Again, I wake her after an hour as from experience I find 2 hours napping a day seems to suit her. She is awake then by 3. What I was doing was putting her to bed at 7 ish but I think it was a bit too long for her and I totally agree with you that as little as 15 or 20 minutes can make all the difference for a happy little girl at bedtime or complete meltdown!! She was obviously screaming and crying herself to sleep and so when she woke in the night she just got upset again. Instead, I have been getting her upstairs and having a longer wind-down time right near the bath and bedrooms so that I can catch her at the right moment and get her to bed sleepy but awake. I haven't had anymore upset. It's been great. She hasn't woken up in the night either.
So, there was just the waking at 4/5am to deal with. That has still been happening and I am only getting her to sleep til 6ish by picking her up. I could not think what on earth had started to wake her at that time until yesterday, I went in and there was the loudest scratching and tweeting noise above her in the attic. A bird has only gone and made a nest in the boards above her ceiling and it is so loud!! I thought I heard something a few days ago but that was just the mother bird then. Now, the eggs have hatched and at first light the mother is feeding them all, which is a noisy business I can tell you. Poor Erin must be in a light sleep and it's waking her and frightening her. We are just going to have to ride this one through until the birds fly away and we can block the hole up!!
What a nightmare! But thank goodness I have found out what's been causing it!
Thanks so much for helping me out though. I am going to keep to two naps for the time being until she is either waking in the morning a little later or can handle more awake time. May try again in a few weeks x