Author Topic: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!  (Read 3785 times)

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Offline vibha

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am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« on: March 21, 2006, 14:52:34 pm »
hi,
    i don't know if this is the right place to want support for bottlefeeding, but please understand my deli ma.
we will soon be trying for a second baby and with my first born i had difficulties with breast feeding due to very flat nipples and later on after 6 weeks mastities.
so i expressed breast milk and bottlefed my DS who thrived well with formula feed as top up till 3 months....
later on i totally bottlefed with formula...at first i had lots of guilt but the minute i decided to bottlefeed i was relieved as i dint have to suffer and cry everytime i put my baby on my breast.
the only thing now thats putting me off  having another baby is the pain and feeling of failure at breast feeding..all my friends breastfed and everytime bring up the subject and say its the best..blab la...of course it worked for them,but i do get hurt. :-[
one friend says there is no such thing as cannot breast feed.and i must persevere..but instead of even trying to breast feed and failing which i know i will , i just want to skip that stage and enjoy my baby the minute its born ...because i sufferred in agony and guilt for 3 months of my DS's life.
is it so wrong to bottlefeed from birth? have any one of u done it? please ,any advice is appreciated.
cheers,
vibha.

Offline Ennypen

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2006, 15:22:07 pm »
Hiya

William has been bottle fed since he was 20 minutes old. They tried to get him to latch onto my breast after birth but he couldn't and as his blood sugars were low he had to have a bottle or go on a drip - so he had a bottle. We did try pretty hard to get him to breast feed after then but it just didn't work. I soon realised that trying was winding us both up and making eating a stressful experience for him and me. So I thought that enough was enough and have bottle fed him ever since.

People are right to be pro breast feeeding - it is better than bottle feeding in a lot of ways but if breast feeding brings you fear and pain which will no doubt be picked up by your baby then bottle feeding will be best for you both.

Try to relax - ignore your friend - there is such a thing as cannot breast feed and I am living proof!!!
I wish you lots of luck with trying for your next baby - relax and enjoy!

Helen xxxx

Offline Lªuren

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2006, 15:32:33 pm »
vibha
I cannot breastfeed for the same reasons that Helen gave, DS was also in a drip. We ended up feeding him expressed milk and formula with a syringe for a while, in the end I had to give up he wasn't latching on and I was continually topping him up with formula anyway. I expressed once a day for 6 weeks along with his normal formula feeds so he would get breastmilk every so often and had to give up after that.

You do you what you are comfortable with, don't feel guilt and certainly don't listen to your friends. Those first few months are the hardest times with a newborn (and your DS) you don't need this pressure as well.

Lauren x
Lauren x


Offline Critter

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2006, 15:35:13 pm »
...at first i had lots of guilt but the minute i decided to bottlefeed i was relieved as i dint have to suffer and cry everytime i put my baby on my breast.
the only thing now thats putting me off  having another baby is the pain and feeling of failure at breast feeding..all my friends breastfed and everytime bring up the subject and say its the best..blab la...of course it worked for them,but i do get hurt. :-[vibha.

I went through the same thing.  It hurt so bad that I almost threw up every single time he tried to feed.  He was such a big baby and I don't know that I was making enough.  We went to formula when Luke was just shy of a week old and he did GREAT.  BUT I cried and cried b/c I felt like I was denying him something, and denying myself some sort of bonding experience as well.  It was HELL when we got home....the A/C was out (and I live in Texas....it's hot in June!) and I think that the stress of that, plus a long delivery (he was born by c-section after 4 days of them trying to induce me) was just too much.

Here are my thoughts for when I have #2
I want to try to breast feed again but if it doesn't work out, I will be ok.

I will schedule my c-section for a Monday morning and make sure that the lactation consultant (the head lactation RN, not just the LVN) is with me every single time I try to feed to make sure I am doing it correctly and that he has a good latch.

I will make post hospital appointments to sit with her after I am discharged to make sure I still know what I am doing.

If it doesn't work out, then I know that he/she will be FINE!!!  I was a much better mama when I wasn't hurting and in pain!
God will give you exactly what you ask Him for, even if it's not in the package you expected it to be in.

Luke 6-10-05
Clay 12-17-08

Offline ~BeckyD~

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2006, 15:36:33 pm »
Me too Helen!

With Ellie-May I tried to breast feed for about 24 hours, after which we were both so miserable we requested a bottle.  She would not latch on properly either, and the midwives, although they tried to help, did not offer huge support. They made me feel incredibly guilty(as if I needed that). But once we were home from the hospital I did not regret my decision.
With Jack I could not imagine going through the stress again so I did not even try, he had a bottle about 30 mins after he was born.
There is no doubting that breast milk provides the best nutrition for your baby, but as Helen has said, if it is causing you stress or pain and you cannot get over it, there is nothing wrong with going for the bottle.
I know a lot of people will advise you to attend a support group, or see an expert to get over your fears and give you extra support in the beginning, but unless your heart is in it, you will not be comfortable. You need to think of your own happiness too!
(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) hun, I know how guilty we are made to feel, but go with your heart.
 

Offline vibha

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2006, 19:27:48 pm »
hi,
       thank u girls for all ur support and advice...i really appreciate it...
i have an open mind now, if i have a baby i might or maynot try breastfeeding but in anycase i will know my child will thrive breast or bottle...so thank you all for giving me confidence.
cheers,
vibha :)

Offline Colin Macs Mom

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2006, 19:42:04 pm »
I have also bottle fed from birth as I am not able to breast feed at all - I had a very substantial breast reduction in 2002. So tell your friend SO THERE!! And rest assured that bottle feeding is not the worst thing in the world. Of course breast feeding offers benefits that bottle feeding doesn't, but my ds is 7 months, has never been sick or had an ear infection, and is huge for his age.
Jessica
Mom to Colin Ronald, August 18, 2005
Spirited + Reflux =  :o


Offline Mom2katiebug

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2006, 19:55:07 pm »
The best advice I've gotten repeatedly (and it is actually something Tracy believes as well) is that you need to do what works for the family.  Yes, bf is best, but not if you are in pain and completely stressed out.  That simply isn't good either.  And, from what I understand, it can be harder to bf with a toddler around wanting your attention too.

You might consider (just consider) giving it a go.  This time it might fall into place and be a breeze.  But, if not there's no harm done.  And, if you don't want to even give it a try, you're still a fantastic mom!  I think it's great that you're thinking about it now so that you are prepared (not sending DH out for formula in the middle of the night) and not adding stress on yourself during an already emotional and stressful time.

The only bit of advice I have is to think up some witty replies to shut up the insenstive moms, nurses, family, etc. who might raise a brow or try to second guess you.  I don't have anything now, but I'm sure the other moms will be able to help.

Don't stress about this!  Enjoy the baby dance and focus on making that baby!  Good luck!

PS:  LIke other posts, it didn't work out for us - too exhausting and a very large/hungry baby with my milk trickling in.  Once we started formula, it was just so easy and she was happy not to be starving all the time.  Plus DH can help.  My DD is very, very healthy and growing and developing just fine! 
"Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you also have an obligation to be one."  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline Mom2katiebug

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2006, 19:58:09 pm »
One more thought...if you do want to try it again, ask the ladies here for some good advice.  I talked to a lot of folks by phone and everyone told me something different.  It was SO confusing and I always thought I was doing something wrong based on who I was talking to.  I wish I'd known about this website for some pre-bf advice so I would have been better prepared. 

You, your baby and your family will be just fine whatever you choose.  But, no guilt about the decision!
"Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you also have an obligation to be one."  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline BRMsMom

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2006, 21:01:11 pm »
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! You are not wrong to bottle feed.

I breastfed my son for 4 weeks...which were full of pain and misery. I had a yeast infection that would not go away and I dreaded picking up my son. I pumped and fed EBM, but gosh that was a lot of work.

I am a RN with a MN that focused on BF'ing. I am a huge believer in BF'ing, but only if it works for the family. Anyone who makes you to feel that you are a bad mother or less of a mother because you did not breastfeed is someone not worth listening to.

I bottle feed Ben now and at 4.5 months he is a hilarious kidlet, growing well, and he loves me. I have struggled with the guilt of not breastfeeding. A wise woman once told me that when you have a baby you automatically wear a scarlet "G" for guilt, as there is always something ti feel guilty about. So, now I just try to put the guilt I feel into a box and set it aside.

Take comfort in the knowledge that you are always making the best decisions for YOUR family

Offline Kimberly®

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2006, 21:38:26 pm »
I too had problems breastfeeding, and a LOT guilt when it didn't work for me. Tell your friend that she hasn't a clue what she's talking about. At my Mommy and me group some of the breastfeeding mom's do try to make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding, I think its sad that a mother gets criticised for making the choice thats right for her if its not what the norm wants, (does that make sense O.o;;) I just stopped listening. Do what feels right to you. If you don't want to breastfeed then don't. Don't let anyone put you down for it.
Kimberly

Offline deb

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2006, 21:49:05 pm »
My intial BFing experience with Josie was nothing short of HORRIBLE! SEVERE pain, scar tissue, mastitis, the works! :( :( :( It took a GOOD lactation consultant not one visit but TWO (almost a third!) to fix things by 2 months. At that point, Josie had already had several formula bottles, and I continued those during night wakings and bedtimes so DH could take turns doing those feeds. When she gave up bottles at 8 months, I probably could and should have persisted with the bottles and/or worked more with her on using a cup, but instead one sleepy night I latched her on and she never looked back. :?

With Natalie, things started out with the same agony BUT the difference was that I got the LC to come in before Nat was even 24 hours old. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!! By and large, BFing her has been a DREAM compared to Josie, and she's only had formula the last couple months on occasion.

All that said, there's no reason you should feel that kind of pressure to succeed at breastfeeding. Maybe - just maybe - it IS possible that everyone "can" nurse, but you'll also have another child to look after and you won't be able to dedicate the same time and energy to it this time around. Honestly, a healthy, happy baby AND mom are better for a baby who gets breastmilk but whose mom is so tense that nursing is miserable for her. I remember the first time I broke down and gave Josie a bottle of formula the RELIEF I felt!!!! :D She was getting a full feed at last, and I wasn't in pain!!!! It was WONDERFUL!!!!

Gotta run - HTH!

Offline Duckie

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2006, 21:58:08 pm »
Oh I hear you!  I tried nursing for 3 weeks and ds, dh and I were all miserable!  I was so much happier when I finally switched to formula.  I know everyone says that breast is "best" (and I put best in quotes not to offend, but because for me it really wasn't!) but it isn't when you are completely miserable.  I remember about 2 weeks into the nursing experience wondering how on earth women do this for 6 months, 12 months or longer, because I took NO pleasure in it!  (That being said, I really wanted the nursing relationship to work and MAY try it with #2.....still up in the air, though I suppose I should decide one way or the other at this point!  The BF-ing mods and others on the BF-ing boards are so incredible!!!)

I know when ds was about 6 months old or so, I was on a shall-remain-nameless baby board when I read a post from a woman who was experiencing something very similar to what I went through with my ds and I told her that I stopped nursing and switched him to formula and that things went so much better afterwards.  Well.  You would have thought I recommended that she drop her child off with a pack of wolves to be raised in the wild!  Needless to say, I don't go to those boards anymore!  That's what I LOVE about these boards, people will encourage and support your decision no matter what!
Mother Duck to A (June/01), J (April/06), my sleeping S (2/Dec/03) and my nameless angels (1/July/04; 2/Nov/04; 13/July/05)

Offline *Natasha*

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2006, 22:47:23 pm »
Thought i would put my 2 cents in by saying i never wanted to breastfeed however my mum and MIL talked me into trying it. However after day two no milk and DD did not want to latch on very lazy (like her Daddy  :P ) so we had to comp feed with formula and i had to express as well. After nearly two weeks of doing this and still no milk i said this is enough and stopped expressing and just went with formula. The next day my milk came in but by then DD wasn't interested a bottle was alot easier and within a day my milk dried up (i don't think i had alot). I have no regrets at all as it was good that DH could be part of the feeding process as well. My doctor advised me this will probably happen to me again with the next baby (milk coming in late) so i am going to express for the first week so bubs gets the godness of the colostrum and then continue formula feeding. Both DH and myself were bottle feed and turned out just fine. I believe their is far to much pressure on mum's to breastfeed and it leads to all sorts of worries and depression when Mum's are unsuccessful. Breastfeeding is not easy however when i went to my classes before DD was born i was made to believe it was and that all babies latch on easliy how wrong i was.

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My big princess Catherine 7/8/05
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Offline cam621

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Re: am i wrong to want to bottle feed from birth?please help!
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2006, 16:06:54 pm »
Well, all of you are "better" than me, since I NEVER even tried it!  I just knew myself and my personality and knew it just wouldn't be for me.  Don't get me wrong, I STRUGGLED with it the ENTIRE pregancy and went back and forth the entire time.  But I finally felt if I decided to do it, it would only be so other people wouldn't judge me which is the wrong reason to do it. I LOVE my dd with all of my heart, I was just uncomfortable with the whole breastfeeding thing and the issues that come with it.  I have to say, I made the right decision.  I had ppd in the beginning and that would have definitely made things more stressful.  Although, I do still feel guilty about it somewhat, but I think it would have been a horrible experience if I did it.  My daughter is doing great--she is 9 months old and is a little darling.  She does get sick, but who doesn't when they are in daycare?  :)  HTH 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!  No judgements here :)