How can I get my toddler out of my bed?

[LuxandBainsMom]

I made the mistake of letting my daughter, who is almost 4 yrs old, sleep in my bed with me and my husband since she had just turned 3 yrs.  I know I should have never started this, but now it's too late.  I had a baby 8 months ago and he is also sleeping in a play pen in my room.  Because my husband gets up for work at 2am, he has "moved into" the baby's room, to avoid waking the entire family in the middle of the night.  My daughter says she is scared to sleep in her own room and refuses to sleep anywhere other than with me.  At this point, I am stuck in a vicious circle.  I cannot get the baby to his room until my daughter goes to her room so my husband can come back to my room!!  I am fresh out of ideas on how to convince my daughter to go back to her room.  I have tried so many things and nothing convinces her.
Can anyone help me??  I want my husband back!!   

[Harrisonsmummy]

Hi, I haven't any personal experience of this, and to be honest, I can't think where it is in BW books, I am sure others on this site could refer you. However Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solutions has lots of quite gentle ways of solving these types of problems and is worth a read. You will need to make a plan with a child of 4, so don't rush into anything.........

Justine

[ryan's mum]

could you or your husband stay in her room with her for a while , just to try and get her back in her own room at least , then work on trying to move out ?

[LuxandBainsMom]

I have tried to stay in there with her until she falls asleep, however, she tends to wake in the middle of the night and starts screaming.  I think I'm just going to have to keep trying it until she gets used to it. 

[Harrisonsmummy]

As your daughter wakes screaming in the middle of the night, I think you will have to stay in the room with her all night for a few nights until she feels a little more secure. Could you start this sometime when your husband can stay with the baby all night, or is there enough room for you with the baby too just until some confidence has been built up?
I think the idea is to gradually move yourself out of the room.

[ryan's mum]

yes , that's what i meant. i had to do this with Ryan . he had associated his cot with reflux pain so we moved him to a big bed , although he took to the big bed really well he was still waking crying a lot in the night. a lot of the crying was still down to reflux pain , rather than me be up and down to his room all night ( exhausting ) i moved in his room , at first i shared a bed , then gradually moved on the floor and out of the room. i still stay in the room untill he falls asleep but i am back in my own bed. we still have night wakings but a little comfort and he goes back to sleep

[LuxandBainsMom]

So far, we've gone one night together on her bed.  She is absolutely fine if I'm there with her all night.  So I'm going to try the gradual decent to the floor, then out the door.  Thanks for the suggestions!  I'll let you know how it goes!

[Florencia]

She's also old enough to the "reward" method. You give her stickers to stamp on a poster or marbles to save on a bucket/pot. When she reaches a specific amount of marbles/stickers she gets something she really wants (10 marbles/stickers might be a stuffed animal/toy, 20 marbles/stickers a tea party with her friends or an outing to the zoo with 2 special friends, you get the idea).

Usually each night she spends byherself at her room (even if you have to keep laying her down) she gets a marble/sticker. She can only claim the prize when she makes it for nights in a row... one disrupted night and she goes back to start over.

If she's doing great with you in her bedroom, i'd say it's a great start. You can spend anything from 1-2 weeks there go help her get used to her bedroom, maybe some makeover would also help (new sheets, a special poster, a pot of flowers) and keep talking during daytime about how great is to sleep in her bedroom, how much you like it there, things like that. After she's "convinced" her room is a cool place, you might want to start removing yourself from there, that is, having a long chat about how it's been fun to spend some time together but everyone needs their own room to rest. And you still love her the same and you will always be there for her but grown up girls sleep on their own and then you explain the marble/sticker method.

Good luck, you're just in the right track! Hang in there, there is hope!