Help for a newbie

[Mamastalawatt]

Hi,

I have decided to give the EASY method a try after 10 weeks of very tiring and demanding 'attachment parenting' (co-sleeping, baby-wearing, feeding on demand, etc).  I have to admit I haven't been keen on the idea until two of my trusted friends began to use it with their babies and saw immediate positive results 

Here is very roughly what a typical day with my baby would look like:

 3.00am  Breastfeed...sleep
 5.30am  Breastfeed...sleep
 7.30am  Breastfeed...play
 8.30am  Take DH to work (1/2 hr round trip) Sleep 3/4hr - 1hr in car seat
 9.30am  Breastfeed...play
10.30am  Nap 10 mins
11.30am Breastfeed...play
 1.30pm  Breastfeed
 2.00pm  Nap 30 mins
 3.30pm  Breastfeed
 4.30pm  Pick DH up from work Sleep 3/4hr - 1hr in car seat
 5.30pm  Breastfeed...play
 6.30pm  Breastfeed
 8.00pm  Bath, massage, pyjamas
 9.30pm  Breastfeed
10.00pm Sleep
12.00am Bottle from Daddy

As you can see, he feeds a lot - he always falls asleep very quickly when feeding and I have trouble keeping him awake for a decent feed.    This might be partly because he had very bad tongue tie for the first 4 weeks of his life (now treated) which meant that feeding was exhausting for him. 

He also hardly naps - sometimes only for 5 mins before being wide awake again.  I am learning to put him down awake when he starts yawning and rubbing his eyes, and letting him moan a bit until he falls asleep (usually for a bit longer - maybe up to an hour).  He has a soother but sometimes I find this even more work as he drops it a lot...tho sometimes it does really help him to doze off.

Generally he's a very happy, contented baby - he's so alert and loves to play, listen to music and to sing / dance with me.  He does suffer a bit with wind and is very sicky...he takes Infacol before each feed wgich has been a real help.

My aims of trying BW are to help him to:

- feed better
- go for around 3 hours between feeds instead of 2
- take a decent nap in the morning and afternoon
- sleep through the night (say at least 6 hours)

I would really value any suggestions and advice on the best way to get started.  I'm not into being too hard on him, I'd prefer to be a bit flexible and ease him into it...if that's possible.

Please help...I am on my knees with exhaustion! 

Mama
 xx

[Lªuren]

Sorry no one has replied yet; here is a quickie answer, as I am making tea 

1st goal is to get him down for naps in each EASY cycle,
2nd goal would be to get him to nap for longer than 1 sleep cycle as often as you can,
3rd goal is to stretch his to 3hrs between feeds.

HTH's

also check this thread out

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=18728.0

[corrina01]

Hi Mama,

First of all you want to take a deep breath.

Next you will want to arrange a time to wake him up each morning and what time he will want to go to bed.   I usually do 7am wake up and 7pm bedtime and a dreamfeed at about 10.30pm.

Next you will want to get the naps sorted out about 3 naps each lasting between 1hr 30mins to 2hrs.  Where does he nap and bedtime?  Are you wanting to stop co-sleeping? Does he go to sleep independently?

Then you will want to feed him every 3hrs. 

Any more questions feel free to ask.

[Mamastalawatt]

Hiya,

Thank you both for your replies - it's nice to receive some responses.

Well, I'm on day 3 and I think it's gone pretty well!  J has been taking regular naps (only refused a couple) three times a day and he is almost managing to go three hours between feeds.  We get up at about 7.30am, but so far he's been going to bed after a bath, massage, etc at about 8.30pm. 

Can I ask for some more advice?

How can I get him to nap for longer?  The most he will usually sleep for is an hour, but usually 40 minutes is more likely. Still a vast improvement on what he was having... When he wakes up, he seems to wake with a jolt and then there seems to be no way he will settle again.  He can be grouchy or bubbly, but he will not go down for the next 45 minute stretch.  I have him on a day bed in my living room, with the room dark and quiet.  I do the pat/shush thing and have tried sitting quietly to see if he goes off again by himself, but that just seems to make him upset.  He does settle himself at the start of a nap as long as I read his cues totally right on time.

Anyway, thanks again - I will have a dig around the forums to see what help I can find.

Mama
xx

[Lªuren]

Mama
Does this happen at every nap? The thing I suggest is possibly going into the room before this and laying a hand on him, it worked for me a few times when I have need to extend and caught it before he wakes up.  The reason you are getting 40mins is because that is a sleep cycle and he can't get himself to the next cycle and wakes up.

Another thing, when he wakes does he scream, mantra cry or just fuss?  have you tried leaving him (if not screaming) to see if he will re-settle?

[KellyC]

Hi Mama

First off I just wanted to reassure you that in my experience the BW methods aren't hard on babies and I'm sure that as somebody who decided to go with attachment parenting to begin with you'll find this a good middle ground between that and some of the tougher approaches that are out there.

It sounds like you're doing really well and have already seen an improvement since your first post.  We went through a phase at around 3 months of 40 minute naps (we still get them but not for every nap!) and it's very common.  If you pop onto the naps forum you'll see a sticky at the top which describes how to use wake to sleep.  We had some successes doing this but the method Lauren suggests of just laying your hand on him or even shush/patting from the 30 minute point as Tracy suggested in her book never worked and they used to make me so upset because it was so time consuming and he'd wake up screaming after 40 or 50 minutes anyway.  Unfortunately there's not one solution that works for every baby.  I'm not saying you won't find your own solution but don't be disheartened if you suffer from 40 minute naps for a while longer yet.  The naps forum should be a huge help to you though.

All the best
Kelly x

Kelly x

[corrina01]

I agree with Lauren.  Try going in there at the 30 mins mark, and do sssshh/pat to get him through the next sleep cycle.  I think that all babies at the 2/3 month mark do have 40/45 mins naps as they don't know how to get through to the next sleep cycle and you have to show him how to do it. 

My DD never liked the pat element, but the sssshhh element made her more calmer.  You will have to experiment.  When my DD learnt to go through to the next sleep cycle on her own but kept waking on and off, I just laid my hand on her, till she went right through without waking. 

With my DD I had to do this every nap, for about a month, till she learnt how to go through.  Then for about 2 weeks I just stayed by her cot, just in case, no ssshhhing and not laying a hand on her, if she jolted, I would lay a hand on her, but only till the jolts stopped, then took my hand off of her.

You will get there, just be patient, remember you are teaching him how to go through the next sleep cycle.

HTH

[Mamastalawatt]

Hi ladies,

Thanks for the really useful replies!  Just a quick update (no good at typing one handed with wrong hand while feeding!)

J is settling into his routine brilliantly!  I have only managed to get him through a second 45 min sleep cycle twice, using the shushing and singing (You Are My Sunshine!!) but I was so happy that we managed it!  It's so nice that he now seems to know when it's nap time, and is actually tired! 

Generally he's doing really well...so a cynic totally converted!

Thanks again!

Mama

[Lªuren]

Brilliant news, well done   

[corrina01]

Well done, I'm glad for you.