being more independent

[yaya]

My lo constantly wants to be held, he plays beautifully on ur lap but gets pretty upset when u try to put him down on his mat, chair, wing, bouncer ( we have bought everything in an attempt to get him interested!). Any tips on how to deal with this?

[maggieruth]

how old is your lo?  i find that the easiest way to put Ethan down is to first introduce a toy that is on the ground, the highchair tray etc and then bring him to it to explore... usually with the highchair i use a breadstick or raisin so that i can quickly grab dinner for Ethan and it usually works!
just leaving work so thats my first suggestion! back later!

[yaya]

Thank you, now u mention it, i usually just put him down on is mat chair ect, do u think it's best to leave him down if he starts winging or pick him up?

[Erin M]

When he starts whining to be picked up, do you ever try just sitting down on the floor next to him - that way you're there, but he's still playing somewhat independently on the floor.  You can also see if he would be interested in a different toy than the one he has at that moment.  If he really is getting upset, I would definitely pick him up - he might need a cuddle or just a change of scenery.  How old is your LO?  Some of this depends so much on age.

[yaya]

if i sit down with him he does tend to calm down but gets upset again if i get up. btw hes 5 and half months old!

[maggieruth]

he is doing well for 5 and a half months!  why not let him get absorbed in something and slowly increasing the distance between you (staying close still, maybe just an extra foot away or two)?  or positioning him near a chair so that you can move up into a chair but still be closeby?
i don't think that Ethan was great at sitting at that age so if i hadn't set up the pillows i used to stick pretty close 

[yaya]

Thanx for that! i think a lot of it comes frm being quite unwell, i think its a security thing and also a lot easier for us to hold him when hes not well and crying! Prob is he's got used to it and has trouble being independent..will keep trying tho...do u think its a very gradual thing? Will he get used to it slowly slowly? Or maybe when he is able to play with his toys more independently it'll b easier?

[Erin M]

Definitely a very gradual and slow thing.  He needs to get used to the fact that even though you're not holding him, you're still there for him, which takes a long time for little brains to adjust to.  And I definitely think that once he is able to get more involved in his toys, he won't need you there as much.  In a few months when he starts moving around more, he'll be able to move away from you and come back to you too and that's a big step as well.  Sounds like you're doing a great job with him!

[yaya]

Thank you so much, as always this website is a great help, its soo good to hear that others have the same probs too! i will def try ur method as it sounds like a good plan....it takes soo much patience which i dont normally have much of but am desperate to make the situation better! My son is almost 6 months so a bit older and i think more able to manipulate me!!!! Will let you kno how i get on, thank u!

[yaya]

just wanted to update u in case anyone else in going through the same thing.....when ds hit 6 months 3 days ago, something clicked and hes sooooo much more independent, he can roll now and has good hand control so can play more independently for longer periods of time YAY!!! I think the clingyness had something to do with feeling a bit frustrated as wanted to do things but wasnt able to yet, now it seems he's doing somethign new every day...Feeling much happier...although the little spirited monster is a little terror now!!!! LOVING IT!

Ps. WE did a p/u p/D approach to playing on his mat, chair, swing etc (think this was a great help too!)