Swaddling, Scratching, and Self-Soothing

[ks6]

Lauren, just had to say that is the CUTEST picture!

[LŠuren]

thanks 

[chell]

I was about to say the same thing!

[kcamelia]

It really is cute to see how it could be!

I wish I could put him down when he isn't overtired, but lately he starts and ends each day that way.  He's been waking up so much at night that he isn't well-rested first thing in the morning.  And then he takes 45 min naps, so he wakes tired and cranky.  It's a challenge to get him to last 1 hr or 1.25 hrs before he has to have another 45 min nap.  Short naps make for long days!

I will start giving him a lovey tomorrow, while he's still swaddled.  Today's pretty much shot (45 min naps all day), so I'm just going to swaddle him tonight and put him to bed early.  I really need to work away from that, though, because I think the swaddling is frustrating him, too.  Congrats to those who are making it work without swaddling!

[sazza]

my 5mo lo is similar but to a much lesser extent. he slept for 11 hours last night (first time ever), had his first nap 1.5hrs after waking, slept for 2 hrs, and started flailing about half an hour after he got up and was like that for the rest of the day. i think he had such a good night because he had taken all his naps early in the day and i (again for the first time ever) got him to take a second catnap about an hour before bedtime, so he wasn't overtired when he got there. i'm starting to realise his window must be very short, and that i must be missing it quite often when trying to extend his awake time. he also scratches and i keep his nails short, but he seems to only do it on the side his eczema is on (though it looks like reflex to me - it just might be that the eczema makes the skin bleed more easily. if i remember rightly scratching is supposed to a tired/overtired sign).

if your lo is only sleeping for 45mins at a time i'm sure he's overtired. if he cries you should be able to use pu/pd to extend his naptimes and that would probably help with the night wakings as well (unless there's something else going on? eg teething? hunger? etc). i haven't been able to use pu/pd (he hardly ever cries) but we have been going back into his room when he wakes, tucking him back in and telling him it's nigh nighs time (every couple of mins if he's grizzly, every 10-15 if he's just babbling). he seldom goes back to sleep but it has in general extended the amount of time he sleeps for before he wakes. i've read references to other posts about "fighting the 45 min nap monster" - i'm not sure where they are but if i find them i will let you know.

HTH

lauren, i see that calum has a teddy as a lovey - does he ever roll about with it? i want my lo to have a lovey so i can take his dummy off him but he rolls about so much i'm scared he'll get in trouble with it. (he's started sleeping on his face lately - scarey but it doesn't seem to bother him much)

sarah

[LŠuren]

Sarah the teddy is really soft, it is the KALOO brand - he sleeps with it on his head as well    When he is older he will be so embarraced, becasue I have pictures 

[kcamelia]

Yes, flailing all the live-long day!  Hugo only lasted 40 mins this morning.  His window is definitely short. 

Most of the time he doesn't have an excema outbreak, but he still scratches mightily.  He has started scratching around his ear absent-mindedly while he has his bottle.  I think alot of the scratching is probably reflex/tired, but I'm going to keep him extra-moisturized just in case.  I'm also going to put him down for a nap every hour or 45 mins if I have to.

I've tried to extend naps with pu/pd, but it just tortures him.  It only worked once, and it was really hard on me the one day I did it for every short nap (4-5 each day).  I don't think I can do it again, especially because I've read so many postings saying some babies just take short naps.  It seems so pointless and stressful for both of us!

Question: what is a dummy?  I've seen several people mention it, but I have never heard of it.

Thanks!

[LŠuren]

dummy is a pacifier

[jsorrow24]

Lauren your LO is so cute. At what age can you give your lo a lovey to sleep with? I would like to try that when it's appropriate. My dd never had one and I am thinking if she did she would be able to sleep better by herself. She has always wanted me with her. That is a whole other issue in itself.

Jennifer

[sazza]

thanks lauren - i will look out for that brand.

kcamelia - i think if your lo only needed short naps he would seem a lot less tired during the day. try the other technique i mentioned - taught to me by another bw mum who found pu/pd only upset her lo more: retuck him in, tell him it's sleepy time or nap time or whatever it is you tell him when you put him down for a nap, and then leave the room. do it every few minutes as necessary. it does take a while to work, but we've only been doing it for a couple of weeks now and we've made progress already. if you want to know more, PM me, or i can put you onto the bw who taught it to me...

[kcamelia]

I think I could try that.  He actually took two 1.5 hour naps today, so maybe it isn't that far off, anyway.  Do I let him cry a little and check back at intervals?  He might babble to himself some, but he'll probably cry.  (I don't know how to PM.)

Despite the sleep he rubbed his eyes an awful lot.  So frustrating!

He used to use a "dummy," but it became a prop so he went cold turkey without it a few weeks ago.  I tried introducing it again to extend the naps, but he won't even consider it anymore.  It's probably just as well.

[LŠuren]

If he is crying because he needs you - hugher pitched then go to him.
If he is MANTRA crying then don't go, a mantra is like Waa, Waa, Waa, the same pitch and tone.
Don't leave him to cry it out or try controlled crying when it is a 'cry for need', you will only break his trust.

Well done about the longer naps.



the Mantra cry is;

...an odd burst of a cry which most babies do as they are settling down. We don't pick up with a mantra cry. Instead, we hold back to see if the child can settle herself. We do pick up with a genuine cry, because its your babies way of saying "I have a need that has to be met".

Each mantra cry is individual, get to know your babies mantra cry sounds like. You'll see it when she's physically overtired, she'll blink and yawn, and her leg and arms fail if she's overtired. She'll also do a kind of "waa.....waa...waa...."sound, like a mantra that repeated over and over, the pitch and tone is the same throughout. It does not sound the same as a genuine cry, which escalates in volume.  - TBW -SAYP p235

[sazza]

it took me a while to figure out the PM thing too. you click on the little blue "IM" bubble underneath people's pictures and then you can send an email directly to them without it showing up on the post thread.

how i've been doing it is that if he's babbling i'll go in every 10-15 mins to retuck him in, but if he's crying i'll go in every 2 mins or so. if he's babbling  he'll usually get around to sleeping in his own time, and what you're doing is teaching him that it's not time to get up yet and that he should go back to sleep in the meantime. if he's crying, you're still teaching him the same thing, but you're also teaching him that you're going to come back to him as long as he's upset (this helps to maintain trust), but you're also going to leave him alone to get on with going back to sleep. that said, you do need to make sure first that there's nothing else wrong such as discomfort or pain.

it will probably get worse before it gets better - i'm certain your lo will cry. but if you are persistent and keep doing the same thing over and over he will figure it out. aidan cried only one afternoon when i started out doing this, and i can tell you it was pretty hard going. he was used to me rushing in as soon as he woke up, and he got pretty cross that i wasn't doing that any more and that when i did come in i left again straight away, but since then he's started going back to sleep again sometimes, and when he does the time he's been awake for has lessened, so there's definite progress. you just have to be prepared to feel frustrated, do the same thing every time and remember that you're trying to teach him better habits.

good luck!

[kcamelia]

You're probably right; the quote above clearly states the BW approach.  I agree that the mantra cry is hard to figure out at first, too, but I think I know it now.  It sort of sounds more like yelling than crying, and he doesn't tear up when he does it. 

I have sewn socks onto his shirt at night.  I still swaddle him, but when he gets out, he can't scratch himself.  His eyes seem much better this morning since he didn't rub them all night long.  I've been putting aquafor on him; does anyone know a better ointment/lotion to use for eczema-prone skin? 

I've also been watching him really closely for sleepy signs, and I think I'm getting better.  I think his window is about 40 mins.  Can that be right, even after a 1.5 hour nap?  He doesn't fuss as much at naptimes or bedtime now.

I just won't be able to swaddle him forever.  Tracy mentions people doing it up to 7 or 10 months, I think, but it's becoming physically impossible.  And since he can get out, I'm afraid the blanket will get over his face. 

[LŠuren]

Hiya
Yes the mantra is hard to figure, I am glad you have it now.

Glad to hear his eyes are better, we also use a special bath oil prescribed from the doctors and dove soap. Anything else is too harsh. Do you use any Johnson's products?

Any blanket you use try a light weight one, if your not already using a gro'bag or a sleeping bag - it may be worth a shot.