Now, since starting to implement EASY and BW theories, we are able to get LO to sleep in her crib for naps! Huge strides, but we’re still battling some common sleep issues that I am especially having trouble with. I suffer severe insomnia and recently started taking anti-depressants but still have sleepless nights. I am losing my mind and desperately need some advice on these issues:
Hi LexiM
Welcome to the boards, glad to hear you have made some improvements since starting EASY. Sorry to hear about your own sleep issues, hopefully we can help you put things straighter. You’ve done a fantastic job so far
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Before I get reply there is a support thread for mums with spirited babies, have you seen it?
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=40851.01. How to transition her to her own crib at night in a gentle and sensitive way . We have tried twice and she had a major, four hour meltdown and I ultimately gave in. I know this is my issue and I am prepared to work on this end of it. I feel like she will feel abandoned by my warm body and touch and the nice feeling of a blanket covering her. We do not swaddle her, we did in the very beginning but she usually got out of it and did not like being restrained. She is SPIRITED to the hilt. Any other moms dealing with this transition from your bed to the crib, and how did you make the switch? Yes, I am sure that I want her to sleep in her crib but am having trouble with my emotions.
I will need to find out more about this for you ……..
2. The infamous short naps. She is a chronic ½ hour waker and we have tried pat/shush every time and it works about a quarter of the time. Otherwise, when those little eyes are open, they are ALERT. We use pat/shush to get her to sleep at night almost every time and this is going well. She gets to stage 3 by walking her around the room in our arms and we set her down and shush/pat her the rest of the way to sleep. For early wakings we have tried PU/PD but were completely unsuccessful each time. We tried approx 6 times (each DH and I) for the remainder of her nap time. We have one angry worked up baby at the end, but when we remove her from the room she quickly mellows and is ok.
Having looked at your routine, I think your LO is overtired when going to bed
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is she waking after 30 minutes and that is her awake until the next S? or do you manage to get her back to sleep? My DS was able to stay awake for 2 whole hours before having to go for a nap. I would put him in cot 15 -20 min before the 2hour mark to wind him down for sleeping. You could also just try sitting with Violet, have you read about the 4 S’s in Tracy’s books. If you miss his sleep window and he becomes overtired he will cry out of frustration, to avoid this I always follow the same wind-down routine, 4 S's
Set the stage - prepare you LO room for sleep; remove stimulation, darken room, lullaby....
Swaddle - (I used to swaddle now I use a gro'bag with his arms swaddled)
Sitting - Quietly without any stimulation, and when necessary..
Shush-pat
Is there anyway you can start the 4 S's 15 -20min before a nap? If your not already doing so.
Another tip in dealing with short naps along with having the wind down is to try wake to sleep i.e. going into her room before the 30 min mark and either laying a hand on her to help her make the transition past 30 mins or gently jostling her, but not enough to wake her, this also disrupts the sleep pattern and makes her resettle.
The early wakings can also be a sign she is going to bed too late, have you thought about putting her to bed at 8pm so you have a 12hr day 8 – 8, anymore than this is difficult for LO’s.
I would also look to do the dreamfeed between 10 and 11pm and no later. See
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=54662.0Your main goal for the naps is also to put her in her cot awake, so she learns to put herself to sleep (independently) rather then relying on you as a prop to wake her around the room. I know this is difficult I used to have to do it with DS before I realized I was missing his sleep cues. This will also eventually mean that when she does wake in the night she can resettle herself without mummy or daddy having to do it for her.
3. Frequent night wakings (the most difficult issue). This has been happening for about a month, might be due to her 3 or 4 month growth spurts. They are not regular, patterned times. Usually anywhere from 4-6am and between 1-2am, sometimes 3am. She takes a full feed at these times so I know a part is hunger. Recently she has lost interest in eating during the day. DD was always a snacker, especially since I used to let her fall asleep for naps on the boob. I started right off on the 4 hour EASY thinking she would take both breasts. Now she takes only one side well and fast (usually 5-7 min to drain) and when I try to put her on the other side after a burp she arches her back, turns her head and protests adamantly. I’ve tried moving to a dark room to no avail. Sometimes if I try in another 45 minutes she will take it, but I know this throws off EASY. She is gaining weight just fine, she is in the 90th percentile for her weight/age. She just seems to enjoy getting her feeds at night more than during the day- and she is genuinely hungry so I feed her, I know reinforcing this bad habit. I try to take charge during the day and make her eat, and she will occasionally take a few sips from the other breast but then proceeds into her back arching, etc.
Again, I need help on this one as I don’t breastfeed…….
I know all of the issues are playing into each other, not to mention my mental state of exhaustion and desperation. I try to stay patient and confident, but I am having such a hard time.
We’ve greatly reduced her stimulation; we both stay home and don’t have visitors/lots of activity in the evenings. We have never let her cry it out, and we are both opposed to it but sometimes in the midst of my sleep deprived insanity I swing to the other side of the spectrum and almost consider it. We are willing to do PU/PD but I don’t think I have the emotional tenacity to endure this. DH is willing but wanting to fully understand it. We feel like no matter how much we read, we’re still unclear on PU/PD. It works at first, but eventually she works herself into full hysterics with no hope of calming. Do we hold her till calm (20 minutes) or put her down, but stay near and present?
You both sound like your having a tough time, but you have both done so well so far. Use the S (stop) L (listen) O (observe) and W (what’s up) approach, is it a cry out of need or a Mantra cry you hear.
...an odd burst of a cry which most babies do as they are settling down. We don't pick up with a mantra cry. Instead, we hold back to see if the child can settle herself. We do pick up with a genuine cry, because its your babies way of saying "I have a need that has to be met".
Each mantra cry is individual; get to know your babies mantra cry sounds like. You'll see it when she's physically overtired, she'll blink and yawn, and her leg and arms fail if she's overtired. She'll also do a kind of "waa.....waa...waa...."sound, like a mantra that repeated over and over, the pitch and tone is the same throughout. It does not sound the same as a genuine cry, which escalates in volume. - TBW -SAYP p235
Again I will get help on PU/PD for you…..
In the meantime, the circular question still remains each day for me. When she wakes early from a nap and I cannot get her back down, do I work on getting her routine established and hold her off until the next nap or feed her at the appropriate time, watch her cues and get her down when she is tired again, but sacrifice the day’s routine while ensuring more sleep.
Also, with the feeding difficulties, should I be feeding more often (daytime and evening) i.e. 3.5 EASY to try and replace night calories?
If anyone can help us come up with an action plan to resolve these issues I would greatly appreciate all input.
THANKS!!!
UPDATE: In the last 2 days putting her down at night has been going MUCH easier (still in our bed). No real progress on the 30 min naps. After cluster feeding and DFing, last night we overcame the 4am wake for the first time! It wasn't easy...but it happened.
I can only answer this personally speaking , I have an angel baby – if Ds take 30 mins naps and refuses to go back to sleep I just get him up and his has A time. His next week is at the normal time i.e. 4.5hrs from the last one. If the next nap falls in during the E time I just move it forward slightly, however I still make sure he is not going to bed asleep so he won’t start to associate feeding with sleeping. I always watch his cues, rather than the clock, but they always turn out to be E every 4.5 hours, S every 2.5 – 3hrs from last wake. It’s not so much about sacrificing a days routine, more about following your babies cues, I would start by;
1st goal is to get him down for naps in each EASY cycle,
2nd goal would be to get him to nap for longer than 1 sleep cycle as often as you can,
3rd goal is to stretch his to 3hrs between feeds.
As I said previously I would advise on a 12 hr day i.e. 8am – 8pm, it is 8am you want to start by your looks of your routine.
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=18728.0Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to try and cover everything, let me know what you think so far and I will find others to input on the areas I am unsure of i.e b/feeding, spirited babies, PU/PD. The better sleep Violet has during the day the better she will have at night so it is better to focus on the short naps.
Take a deep breathe you are doing really well.
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