bedtime struggle - please help!

[erinsmum36]

hello -Im new to the site but have really enjoyed reading some of the entries - I think its a great support to all mums!
I have an 8 week old baby and consider myself very lucky that she is pretty easy going - but I have a growing problem with bedtime and would really appreciate some advice. For all of her naps I can pretty much put her in her carrycot awake and she will either get herself off to sleep almost silently, or grunt and noise a bit but still go to sleep independently. However, bedtime is becoming a nightmare and I am getting to dread it! We are on a 3 hour feeding routine (she is 12lbs) and she has a feed at 4pm, then sometimes a short nap or sometimes she wont sleep so she just lays in her cot. She has a bath at 5:30 and then a top up feed at 6ish in her darkened (not dark) room. I sing her a lullaby whilst she feeds and at the end, and then I put her down awake. In the beginning she would fuss a bit but would suck my finger (really resistent to a dummy) and go to sleep. Now that doesnt work and I have swaddled again for the last week, have tried cuddling her more after the last feed until her eyes are dropping etc - but it doesnt matter what I seem to do, after 10 - 15mins she gets worked up and starts to cry. I have tried leaving her whilst the cries are irregular / sporadic but once they become consistent I go to her. She still wont take a dummy at this point and ssh/pat doesnt seem to work.. Each night it seems to be taking a bit longer to settle her (6:30 - 8:30 on and off tonight) and I am finding it really upsetting.. I dont know why its such a struggle, if she is getting too much sleep in the day, or is overtired by bedtime - I am starting to feel like a really bad parent by bedtime!  would appreciate any comments/help if you can identify with this problem..thanks

[Jaime]

hello & welcome!   

hmmm... 8 weeks....  i'd say you're either getting her to bed too late or too early.  what does a typical day look like?  do you swaddle?  any chance she's hitting her 9-week growth spurt early?

[erinsmum36]

I think you are right.. whilst waiting for replies i have tried to watch more closely for overtiredness in the afternoon. If she has good naps all day she is definately more easy to settle at night. I also wondered if her bedtime was too early but 7pm seems quite popular for a lot of babies??  typical day..
7am feed, maybe a bit of chat and a nap for 1.5 - 2 hours - very easy to go down.
10am feed, chat, mobile time and nap - again I am for 1.5 hours nap
1pm feed, activity, may sleep for 1.5 hours or be a bit restless after 1 hour or so
4pm feed, will try to get a cat nap in. if she naps well for 40 mins will bath, and give 3nd feed at 6pm, then swaddle and bed

if she doesnt nap well, i keep activity to a very quiet level and skip the bath and then feed and bed as above.

I have started to swaddle again for each nap and bed, and although she always breaks free i think the sheer routine of it lays the way for sleep. I am also concerned that she may have mild reflux, which might make her more uncomfortable going to bed straight after the 6pm feed. sometimes after a nap she cries and when i pick her up she is rigid from top to toe and I cant make her bend her legs enough to sit - does that sound familiar to anyone?

[Jaime]

hi again,

can't speak to the reflux but if she is finding it too easy to break out of the swaddle you might want to check out the Aussie swaddle - instructions are at the top of this forum.   

[avery's momma]

we are having the SAME issues! my mom and sister-in-law and i are here, and i just read your post to them, and we all just laughed out loud thinking about my dd's little "crazy" look. we have been bathing her the last 3 nights, the first two nights were after the 5ish feeding, (and the first night was great,) but last night was a little more tricky, with some fussing after the bath and bedtime, and tonight we bathed here after the 7/8 feeding, and she was very active in her crib, though not wailing. i agree with you on the overstimulation. my lo naps GREAT all day, which is why i have been afraid to bathe her in the morning, for fear that it would mess up the whole day. in fact, i didn't bathe her for like 2 weeks straight bc of it!! she seems to love the bathing process, but afterward, she is hard to calm down, even though she is a great self-soother. tonight, i went in after a 2 hr feeding break (to cluster feed) and fed her in the dim room, and i swaddled, but left one arm bent up towards her face. (she always seems to break free) she seems happier not having to struggle to get it out, and be able to suck her fingers (if she can keep them where she wants them! she was five weeks old two days ago.. hope this helps..also i try to not talk to her when i go back in to feed her after "bedtime" to avoid overstimulation.... good luck.. 

[erinsmum36]

thanks Avery'smom.. Ive come to the conclusion that babies are alot more astute than we give them credit for. I have found some success since my post - mainly the swaddling and pat/ssh for 5 mins before putting her down awake. some nights i still get some fussing but i can tell its more angry/questioning cries than unhappy crying. so I stay with her until she quiets and leave her once she starts sucking her hand..im usually getting out of the room alive  within 15 mins of swaddling etc so am happy with that. Am winging it bathwise - if she has napped well she has a bath before 6pm feed and if not I leave it till mid morning the next day.

Good luck with you LO - sounds like we are all in the same boat!